My Life as a Dog: Done Begging

So many narcissists.  So little time.

It’s been one hell of a week, dear readers.  I’ve lost track of the number of PTSD episodes I’ve had in the last couple of weeks ~ most courtesy of the folks being paid to help me.

A woman whose supporters begged me to help her with the injustices she had experienced stabbed me in the back and announced she had shared our private e-mail messages with people who know the judge who has been stalking me since 1992.   If he didn’t know where I was before, he sure as hell does now.  I realized this week that she didn’t really want help or to see her kids again.  If she got her kids back, she’d have no reason to yowl.  Yowling had gotten her 15 seconds of fame, and she didn’t want to give it up.

So, folks, I’m done.  I will share what I know on my blog.  If you need help, I encourage you to read my posts.

Pierce County, WA:  SOS (same old shit) Different Day

A Pierce County, WA deputy sheriff murdered his in-laws before turning the gun on himself this weekend.  I can’t bring myself to write another post about the bullshit in Pierce County.  It is clear to me that the politicians and judges and cops don’t get it and don’t want to get it.  Stray dogs get protected in Pierce County, but girls who get beaten and raped by their daddies are on their own.  Nobody cares until their daddy shoots a cop.

Gov. Gregoire’s Callous Indifference

You’d think that with two female senators and a female governor that Washington State would have less callous indifference to domestic violence.  Nope.  Gov. Gregoire cares about her cops, but she doesn’t give a rip about the women and children.

Callous Indifference at DSHS

For about a year now, I’ve been trying to get help from Washington’s Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS).  I’m absolutely astonished that so many people can get paid so much money to do so little.

I had a conference call with DSHS’s chief of staff Tracy Guerin and Andres Aguirre, the director of vocational rehabilitation.  They made big promises, but their minions didn’t want to do the heavy lifting.  MaryAnne Lindeblad, who is the poster girl for callous indifference, had the audacity to suggest I return to the people who made a train wreck of my life for help.  I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of crazy.

I read the psychiatrist’s report and wondered whether she’d been impaired during our intake appointment or whether she’s just another person in a position of power with a narcissistic personality disorder.  I was stunned at the number of misquotes and inaccuracies in her report since she took copious notes of my comments.  Her synapses must misfire. . .you know. . .right brain and left brain don’t quite connect.

She must not have ever met anybody higher up the food chain than a dog catcher because she couldn’t fathom somebody might have actually met a president more than once.  Didn’t bother to verify my credentials. . .just decided I was delusional about them.  I’m glad I didn’t tell her about the venerable Tavern Club in Chicago.  She probably would have assumed it was some bar.   Right.   I was sad to learn from Google that this bastion of old money and great conversation had ceased to exist.  The old men who spoiled me rotten there have gone on to the great martini in the sky.  I will be forever blessed that they taught me early on that money doesn’t buy happiness.  Thanks for the memories, boys!


Sweet Surrender

It took me a while to realize Ms. Lindeblad at DSHS had passively-aggressively told me to go screw myself in response to the grievance I had filed with my HMO.  I can’t decide now whether she’s oblivious to the dysfunctions or whether she’s actively enabling them.  Doesn’t matter.  It’s clear she has no intention of getting me the assistance I need.  I’m betting her own health care plan is quite rich, and she doesn’t have to beg anybody for anything.

Washington needs to trim their ranks by 12,000 employees.  I have some names I hope are at the top of the list.

I was about to print out my letter of protest to Ms. Dreyfus when I decided why bother?  It is clear the folks who are getting paid to help me recover from my disabilities and to become financially self-sufficent are intent on keeping me down.

After I had myself a good ole pity party, I decided to check my e-mail.  I was pleasantly surprised to get a message ~ late on a Sunday evening ~ from Andres Aguirre.  He’s a prince of a guy.  He gave me some great suggestions.  The greatest gift, however, was the reminder that there are some great people out there who care what happens to folks.

I’ve worked my ass off for decades ~ haven’t gotten paid ~ worked hard none-the-less.  I think it’s time to retire.  Sit back.  Put my feet up.  Enjoy life.

Do It for Love or Don’t Do It at All

From now on, I’m going to do it for love or I’m not going to do it at all.  It is time to surrender.  I’m done fighting and begging for scraps from someone else’s banquet.

There’s a lyric I love from the movie It’s My Turn that I promised myself would become my motto way back in the 1908s:  “This time’s just for me. . .for years I’ve seen my life through other people’s eyes. . .But, now, it’s my turn.”

And, I think I just might take a cue from Saffire:  Uppity Blues Women and become a “bitch with a bad attitude. . .bad attitude.”  I’m done being the good girl.  From now on, I’m making my own rules.

8 responses to “My Life as a Dog: Done Begging

  1. i’m sorry to hear all of your bad news in this post.

    but… congrats on making your own rules!

  2. i did not connect with anyone, although i appreciate your email and the connection. people don’t want my help and i’m not sure i am any help right now anyway. the apd has me totally and completely cornered. even with my case dismissed.

    i’m trying to find others who share my situation. it is really hard, even while i am certain there are many falsely based DV arrests.

    anyway- yes! there is never anything wrong with going into self preservation mode. you simply have to right now. take good care.


  3. Dear Ann,
    I am so sorry that people like you who reach out on such an intimate level, have to retreat because there is such a disfunction in this country. In Europe, or other countries where money is not in excess, there seems to be less self focus. I once visited with an Abess at a local Buddist Temple here in Austin. I asked her why was it so hard for people to be happy that have money.

    She said it so true “If you go to Africa, and spoil their diet of locust, and milkweed by giving them candy, we ruin there happiness by telling them their life is not good eneough.” And then comes what are other types, and flavors>”

    We are spoiled Country that has lost the value of family. It is more important to aquire, be smarter, faster, call victim anytime someone has a need for a simple thing thats free, and it’s human compassion. Until we start admitting to ourselves we have lost touch with our family, community, village, whatever, we are faced with a lonely life. Because, thats who most people are really consumed with.

    I challenge anyone who reads this blog to give away 3 prized possessions to someone who may need them. (not your kids). Look at 3 sad and lonely strangers who may not be wearing the nicest clothes, and smile. Last but not least, (this is my favorite). Do 3 ononimous acts of kindness. Ideas, share them. Here are 3 I have done
    * My youngest daughter and I pulled into the drive through at Jack in the Box one afternoon. The car behind us looked broken down and barely running. When we pulled to pay and pick up our order, I asked to pay for their meal with request that if asked by them, they simply said, “they said to just enjoy”.
    * The second was a woman broke down on the side of the road. Another older vehicle and looked like some one who was in stress. I know it was a bit of money, but I had it at the time. I called my towing company and asked them to take her where ever she needed, and get the repair done if it was not over $300.
    * The other was seeing a bunch of migrant workers in 103 degrees texas weather. My daughter and I went and bought a case of cold bottled water and brought it to them.
    * Drop off cheap happy meal to the people begging for money.
    * Make homemade lemonaide and cookies for a new neighbor with your information to say hi.
    * Place a rose on a new grave. (that will give you insight).
    * Try for 1 week to not say anything gossipy, or complaining about a friend, family, or co-worker. Makes ya less paranoid.
    * And what I love to do the most, and I wish my baby girl were in my arms as I shared this, if you see a military group or person, thell them “thanks and ask for a hug,” or let someone in front of you at the grocery store who has MORE than you, go ahead. See how that catches them.

    Ms. Drake, I am sorry someone betrayed you and hope they find the guilt and sorrow of letting another human hurt for selfish reasons.

    Mean is the new color. Not having held, talked to, seen my little girl for 5 months, and only because her father hates me and wants me out of his life, I feel your pain.

    No one should feel ok with betraying or hurting another. But some how people have now risen to the occassion and their excust is “I don’t have to feel bad, and it’s not my problem” has created a hole in our country.

    I miss my baby, and I don’t get how the ex got away with all this.

    But, your ambitious hope and tenacity gave me something I would not have had. Hope.

    You have my info Ms. Drake.

    I will never challenge who are you. I will expect you to not let this judge keep up his need to hurt as my ex husband has.

    You have my email.

    Send me more info on this flawed human. Somethings have to be addressed in a different way to get the message through.

    Ciao Bella,

  4. p.s.

    I am emailing myhypothetical divorce right now. Been missing baby.
    But, as my Uncle Mario in Long Island would say.

    Be the F-ing mayor where ever you are!

  5. Oh, Jackie, you make me smile.

    You and I got relatives ~ we didn’t get family. Our family will be the spiritual kind.

    I got a VERY nice e-mail last night with helpful information from a guy at DSHS. I was very touched by his compassion ~ he took time from his precious Sunday night to reach out to me.

    You are absolutely right. Sometimes the random acts of complete strangers can make such a difference in a person’s life. People remember those acts for the rest of their lives.

    I love your uncle’s attitude! The flaw in my own gene pool is that we didn’t have any Italians. Italians embrace the concept of abundanza ~ I learned that from an Italian colleague ~ a very precious gift.

    I’m going to be writing more posts about narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder = abusive person. Abuse is such a complex issue. But, narcissistic personality disorder is VERY simple to understand. People can wrap their minds around it and realize why their lives get so crazy.

    In our society, narcissists are rewarded. Go figure. No wonder our country’s in such a mess.

    Sending hugs,
    Anne Caroline

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