Since my mother’s passing in October, I have been a white hot mess and in one heck of a funk. It seemed best to try to remain as silent as possible because y’all have enough challenges of your own. You certainly didn’t need my volatile emotions added to your own burdens.
My intent had been to set up my extensive D56 Christmas collection which I haven’t done since 2008. I needed to be really home for the holidays this year to celebrate my emersion from a very long time in the valley as well as the fact that I actually have a home. But, my mental health case manager picked a fine to leave me. I wish her well in her new position because she is simply the best, but I can’t begin to tell you how much I have missed her amazing support and grace.
I have been feeling more like Scrooge than the joy of The Christmas Carol. This morning, however, I had myself an It’s a Wonderful Life epiphany. It was the result of the tremendous pain I felt after the massacre at Sandy Hook. Like many of you, I have walked in Adam Lanza’s shoes. [See my next post.]
It was my intent to immediately write a post on the pathetic state of mental health support in this country, but I discovered that my Facebook and e-mail accounts had been hacked. I apologize to any of you who got an e-mail as a result of that hack. I have changed my passwords and hope we are all good to go now.
I surrendered my beloved computer back to DVR last week. It was something I felt I needed to do to ascertain whether veiled threats to my medical coverage and housing were real. It appears that they were. I had myself a serious “fuck this shit!” moment and decided to retire. I’m not getting paid to do the work that I do. It isn’t easy, and I worked really hard for my credentials. I am damned tired of eating the crumbs that fall from other people’s tables. I’m sure a lot of you share this sentiment.
While I was waiting for my computer to process a full system scan, Pres. Obama held a press conference announcing that he’s taking on the NRA with V.P. Joe Biden in the driver’s seat. That’s when I had my It’s a Wonderful Life moment. There are a number of Henry Potters in my life ~ people who wield a lot of power and control over my life ~ people who desperately want me to shut the fuck up.
A common thread throughout my life is those Henry Potters: powerful, abusive people who don’t want their evil deeds exposed and who demand that I shut up or pay a tremendous price. I have consistently paid this price because we are nothing without our integrity. I’m a lot like George Bailey, and I have had more than my fair share of dark nights of the soul.
We the People have paid tremendous prices for too long because too many people sold out until too many of us were bankrupt ~ financially, morally, and emotionally.
But, on election day, We the People took our country back. We kicked the 14 elected officials who minimized rape and violence against women to the curb. We told the 1% that they might have the money, but we have the votes. And, now, we’re going to collectively tell the gun manufacturers who control the NRA to go to hell.
We deserve to be safe in our homes. We deserve to be safe at the mall and at coffee shops and the spa and the movie theater and at school. It is time for the United States to spend less on war and more on peace.
We the People want peace on earth. In 2013, we might just get it. Eve Ensler’s One Billion Rising campaign is gaining momentum all over the world. Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) appears certain to be our next Secretary of State. I was blessed to meet Sen. Kerry and his family when he ran for president in 2004. His wife Teresa Heinz Kerry is one of the most amazing people I have met in my life. She will be the quintessential diplomat’s wife and is a true citizen of the world. I admire and respect her tremendously. She inspires me to be a better person.
In 2013, I hope I will be back on my game and able to inspire you to be a better person too.
This holiday season and throughout the new year, I pray that all of you will be abundantly blessed in every respect. Thank you for you phenomenal support.