My godmother called a few moments ago to inform me that my mother passed away yesterday afternoon. Given our history, I was surprised that I immediately started crying and can’t seem to be able to stop.
It’s odd. Typically, when someone very close to me passes away, I feel a high level of anxiety until someone calls with the news. Yesterday felt quite liberating. Perhaps it was.
I was, however, moved to inexplicable tears when I watched an interview of Lee Boyd Malvo yesterday on the Today Show. He was D.C. Sniper John Allen Muhammad’s accomplice. He talked about the horrific child abuse he had experienced and how Mr. Muhammad was able to reel him in by listening. I intimately know the desperation of a child who experiences unrequited love from our parents. I know how vulnerable we can be to predators. We make ideal prey because there’s nobody to protect us. We don’t recognize them as predators because we don’t know how to distinguish between the wolf and the sheep.
Mr. Malvo suggested that his victims’ loved ones forget about him ~ erase him from their conscious awareness. I think it is good advice. It is an excellent way to take our power back.
I am stridently pro-choice because I know the pain unwanted children experience ~ the abuse we so often must endure because our parents secretly wish they could get rid of us.
My sisters won’t be inviting me to the memorial service. They won’t claim me until ~ like my Uncle Russ ~ I pass away too. Then, they’ll be here with the moving truck to collect my stuff.
This is why I have so little tolerance for fundamentalist, evangelical “Christians.” I have endured their self-righteous lack of compassion and empathy all my life, and I’m sick of it.
In many respects, my mother died for me on her birthday in 2010. She finally admitted that she had never wanted me to be born. I responded that it was her birthday and she might want to thank God for a life filled with abundant blessings. She hung up on me, and I never spoke to her again. God put her through hell before he let her finally die peacefully yesterday.
May the healing commence. Bless you, my dear readers, for your love and support.