This tree with its twisted trunk stands where the Pacific Ocean meets the Strait of San Juan de Fuca, which divides the US and Canada. I wanted to visit Neah Bay because Sir Francis Drake had sailed there in his futile quest to find the Northwest Passage.
Shortly after the man I loved deeply proved to me that he could kill me and get away with it, I visited Little Whale Cove in Oregon where Sir Francis Drake allegedly decided to sail the Pacific. He had no map. Navigation was in its infancy. Sailors had only the stars to guide them home. They had to rely on their skills, their faith, and the competency of their crew.
I realized that I would have opted to stay in San Francisco. The Miwock Indians loved and honored him. San Francisco is now one of the coolest cities in the US. Everybody loves the Golden Gate Bridge.
Crossing Bridges from Fear to Faith
The other thing I realized was that I had Sir Francis Drake’s faith and courage in my own genes. He wanted to sail home to England. I wanted to live in a safe home. We both have been required to navigate some vast uncharted waters to reach our destinations.
When I got back to my apartment, I wrote “Bridges.” It was one of those inspired pieces written by Spirit rather than me. I suck at metaphors and didn’t grasp the full meaning of it. Still, I realized instantly that “Bridges” was my own map. The first metaphor I understood was that the judge was going to have to find the courage to cross the bridge from fear to faith on his own. I couldn’t do it for him. If he couldn’t find that courage, I needed to move on by myself.
In time, I adopted a quote from the late, great Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes as my mantra:
Follow Your Star Home
God has always used the image of a star to guide people home. When fear consumes us, it is difficult to remember that God loves us. People will use fear to distract us from our true mission. Sometimes fear so clouds our sky that we can’t find our own north star. This is when we need people we can trust to guide us back onto our true path and to help us stay in control of our destinies.
Corrine, one of my Facebook friends, asked me several weeks ago a question I get asked most frequently: how do I protect my kids from their abusive father? In the course of our dialogue, I realized the answer isn’t going to be found in our courts.
We’re looking in the wrong place for a solution. We need to find a safe harbor, careen the crap off the hulls of our ships, provision our ships for our journey, and have the faith and courage to navigate uncharted waters until we find our way home.
The court system is full of people with narcissistic personality disorders. Judges go to law school. They don’t study psychology. Too many judges and attorneys are abusive behind closed doors.
The only way to effectively deal with a narcissist is to leave. But, we can’t just leave if there are kids involved. A narcissist can easily manipulate the legal system as an instrument of prolonged abuse until everyone is broke and on welfare.
Love Is the Answer
I advised Corrine to love her sons. I suggested that she enjoy her visits with them. I told her that her smartest strategy was to provide her sons with a safe haven and a positive male role model when she was blessed to see them.
A prolonged court battle will ultimately cause the most solid person to become whacky and broke. Nobody wins. Everybody loses.
I think we need to start looking for solutions in the health care system. We need to find health care professionals who are brilliant diagnosticians ~ people with the determination to find the true cause of illness rather than treat symptoms.
Why? Abuse causes illness. A good shrink is far more likely to help us deal effectively with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder than a judge ~ especially a judge who is an abusive narcissist behind closed doors.
I realize these professionals are exceedingly difficult to find. Yet, they are out there. And, they are navigating the uncharted waters of their own profession to find solutions. These are the people who will provide the sunshine in our lives ~ the sunshine that will help us grow tall and flourish.