Manipulation of the Legal System as an Instrument of Abuse

Eagle by Carole May

Eagle by Carole May

If you want to make a real difference, become a legal eagle watching over the court system.

We all know that “justice” in the legal system belongs to the affluent and powerful.  But, I think many of you would be shocked to discover how easily the court system can be manipulated as an instrument of abuse.

A rich and powerful man with a well-established professional career can afford to out-litigate a wife who sacrificed her own professional ambitions to care for his home and his children.  A man who never had a second of time for his kids can suddenly discover how easily and effectively a well-funded custody dispute can destroy his estranged wife.  There’s also the refusal to pay child or spousal support.  False allegations of abuse and arrests on false charges can destroy a person’s reputation.  These are just a few of the ways sophisticated, affluent people have found to manipulate the court system as an instrument of abuse.  It’s all legal.

Many attorneys fuel these “Wars of the Roses” because the legal fees essentially transfer family assets into the coffers of the law firm.  And, judges who are burned out or personally abusive or naive sit back and let it all happen.

A few states require judicial training on domestic violence cases.  Fewer states have integrated court tracks for cases involving allegations of domestic violence.  The manual advising women on how to navigate the legal system is eleven years old.  A Google search to research this post revealed a pitiful lack of progress, resources, and funding.  A few brave souls in law schools are soldiering forward, but they need reinforcements.

Most women who decide it is time to exit an abusive relationship with a powerful man quickly discover they have three options which leaves them essentially with a least-worst choice:

  • Remain in an abusive relationship to protect their children’s future opportunities and to avoid going on welfare.  The ex-wife of a prominent surgeon, for example, asked me, “which abuse is worse?  My own physical, emotional, and financial abuse?  Or, is it child abuse to tell my kids they’ll be going to community college instead of Harvard because I can’t and won’t take it anymore?”  Tough questions.  Tough choices.
  • Walk away with nothing.  This was the choice that Tina Turner and Carolyn Jessop made.  They decided it was more prudent to invest their energies in their futures than to get their share of family wealth via a court battle that would likely prove to be futile.
  • Spend a fortune trying to recoup their investment in the marriage.  Jeanne I. King, Ph.D. recounts the cost of this choice in All But My Soul:  Abuse Beyond Control.  I clerked in the Domestic Relations Division of Cook County’s (Chicago) Circuit Court during law school.  Her experiences were typical of most affluent divorces.  The downside of this approach is that it leaves a person vulnerable to continuing abuse for years, and it can be devastating financially.

We need to be less naive about suggesting women in these circumstances “just leave.”  We also need to be more sophisticated as women about our life path and career choices.  We need to be more pragmatic about our life partner choices.  Wife and mother are career choices that don’t come with compensation or severance packages or pension plans.

We need people to be vigilant watchdogs over court proceedings and judicial fitness.  At this point, selection of judges is subject to too much control by the attorneys who have a stake in the outcome of cases.  Voters know very little about judges.  It leads to corruption.

We need committed, qualified attorneys to represent women and children in landmark cases pro bono to set precedent.  Available legal services don’t begin to meet the demand.

We need new laws and court procedures as well as mandatory judicial training on domestic violence.

We need to find a way to introduce prevention into the legal process.  We need stricter monitoring of offenders.  We need tougher gun control laws.

And, we need to benchmark best practices to see what works and what doesn’t work.

The American Bar Association has a domestic violence section.  The Family Violence Prevention Fund works with the National Judicial Institute on Domestic Violence and the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges to train judges.  It’s a good start, but we have a very long way to go.


102 responses to “Manipulation of the Legal System as an Instrument of Abuse

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  5. Thank you, Michelle, for visiting my site and taking the time to provide feedback. My sense is that many people know instinctively that this is going on, and I thought it was important to let them know they aren’t imagining the abuse of the system.

    Sending hugs,
    Anne Caroline

  6. A note on Becky Beaver. I was a stay @ home mom, nursed my son for 2 years, never left him. I have never drank, smoked or did drugs a day in my life. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom. My super wealthy ex-husband hired Becky Beaver before I even knew he was going to divorce me. I lost my son…my life, my reason to even live. I could not fight my ex in court…I sighned a pre-nup before we married so I did not have $$ to fight him. He spent millions on our divorce & has custody of our son…the son I was with every day since birth (my husband was not even home the day I brought my son home from the HOS) Becky had my ex CHANGE the locks on me, empty our bank accounts, I had to live in a homeless shelter. She had my ex do very nasty things….and money does win in divorce cases. I am a broken woman, missing my son. I work as a sample lady making $850 a month & I pay child support to my ex who makes 120 THOUSAND A MONTH (NOT A YEAR) Becky will win at all cost & ruin the lives of children…my son no longer believes in God because he doesn’t get to see me as much as his dad.

  7. Jacqueline, please contact me…I can offer Becky Beaver support…sadly unless you have tons of money to fight her…and even then you will still have an uphill battle, you can kiss your kids goodbye. I’m sorry, my heart hurts for you. Please contact me…I’ve been in your shoes…they feel like concrete 😦

  8. Could you please help with advice on a divorce case facing B.Beaver? Gina, you offered some support to Jacqueline earlier – could I also ask you for advice? Thank you!

  9. Jammy,

    After getting burned horridly by people I attempted to help, I am strictly enforcing my policy of referring visitors to my site to those being PAID to help us. I answer every comment as best I can ~ many comments give me ideas for future posts ~ challenge my thinking ~ surface connections I might not have recognized before.

    Texas is rich with resources which is good because the law in Texas isn’t kind to women. . .especially women who are leaving men with money and power. . .the system is sadly set up to benefit the good ole boys. And, there are many attorneys like Becky Beaver only too happy to take their money to beat up the women they claim they love.

    My suggestion is that you rely on the resources available at the executive level of the Texas coalition ~ I believe they are based in Austin. I have spoken to people there who are remarkably competent and concerned about the women they serve. And, I don’t think it would hurt to ask why they accept donations from an attorney who brags about manipulating the legal system as an instrument of abuse on her website.

    IMHO, the only way to stop attorneys like Becky Beaver is to give them a chill in their quest to climb the social ladder. A cold shoulder at country clubs and benefit galas works wonders on adjusting the attitude of someone with a penchant to abuse power.

    If there are children involved, I strongly urge you to check out the information and resources available at sites like or There is an organization based in Houston that kicks serious butt on child custody cases ~ especially when children are at risk.

    Today, I am working on an extensive revamping of my website using tools recently available via WordPress. I am going through all of my nearly 250 posts to provide annotated links to them on my pages. One of the pages I will be adding soon is one that deals exclusively with litigation abuse because it is so rampant.

    In the meantime, check out what Vernetta Cockerham and Claudine Dombrowski achieved by packing the courtroom with people wearing purple and white.

    Good luck and God bless,
    Anne Caroline


    I don’t know what to do anymore; I’m trying desparately to not give up. I just received in the mail a motion to show just cause to modify the parenting plan to his terms. The whole time we were married, we did not associate with his family because of their horrible histories. One of them I knew had a history of alcoholism, and before we were married, while at my husband’s house, got his handgun and attempted to commit suicide, but shot a hole in the waterbed instead. I continued to hear stories of the goings on about his brothers and sisters during our marriage, and never wanted to be around them. I submitted a parenting plan to the judge at the initial custody hearing, and he threw it aside. It contained names of his brothers and sisters whom I wanted limited or no contact with the children. I have three young children. Now, he brought the sister first to pick them up for visitation, and she participated in their supervision at his house. The kids said she was yelling and screaming. She paid them each $1.00 to stay up for 24 hours. Her own grandchild was there, whom my daughter said had a broken arm with a cast on from jumping off a bunkbed; she said she appeared to be little, under the age of 6, the recommended age for bunkbeds. So after that visit I was really uncomfortable. The next visit he brought another one, the worst one, his brother who shot the bed. I didn’t even recognize him, meeting him briefly only once. I asked who he was and he told me, and I felt instant dread for the kids who were still sitting in the car. I said, “no, they can’t go with you,” and he started calling me very foul names; my youngest child who is 7 started crying, and the other two were very scared. I went home, then got onto the state police website and was able to download the arrest and conviction records of both of those people; the sister was convicted of domestic abuse, the brother had six counts of convictions including 2 for assault 4 with domestic violence, one DUII, also disorderly conduct, and a couple other charges and convictions to total 6. I called DHS and reported this the next morning, thinking that the kids would be in danger with these people partaking in their supervision. They took the report, and asked me where the kids were at the time and I told them they were with me, and they said good. But now he is taking me back to court to modify based on this, because I did not let him see them that day. I do not have a lawyer, can’t afford the ones here; legal aid only helps with restraining orders, and no one will tell me what forms I can file and what I can do. I feel so helpless.

  11. Thank you so much for your wonderful article. We need to band together to get changes to the system to remove judicial discretion. I think we need federal laws for divorce, making retirement monies locked away from the hands of divorce attorneys, and remove judicial discretion from the equation due to pervasive gender bias. Anyone know who can help is figure out how to get a class action lawsuit going?

  12. JB,

    You might be interested in reading All But My Soul: Abuse Beyond Control by Jeanne I. King, Ph.D. She’s a psychologist who was married to an OB/GYN. They lived on the North Shore, and she wote about the litigation abuse she experienced in the Courts of Cook County.

    Since this is where I clerked during law school, I’m quite familiar with how many attorneys frequently walk away with a couple’s assets. I had a front row seat during the trial of Head v. Head which is where the attorneys “wrote the book” on manipulation of the legal system as an instrument of abuse.

    I’m also exceedingly familiar with the judicial corruption ~ the judge I clerked for (Rosin) blew his brains out the night before he was to be indicted in Operation Greylord.

    While I’m not up to speed on class action litigation, I don’t think this avenue will bring you the satisfaction you seek. Efforts to clean up the court system are in their infancy, and I’m getting the sense that it is more an intellectual exercise than determination to do the required heavy lifting.

    I am impressed with the work of the American Mothers Political Party as well as L.Y. Marlow’s Saving Promise movement. She wrote Color Me Butterfly and is working to create a survivors’ network similar to the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer survivors. She’ll be at Old Orchard on October 16 from 11:00 until 4:00 for a survivors rally.

    BTW, I lived in Wilmette before I went to law school.

    Thanks for visiting, JB, and leaving a comment.

    Sending hugs,
    Anne Caroline

  13. Money is the root of all evil. When Texas Lawyers who are like Ms. Beaver and John Barrett and use their legal abilitiies to outspend, outsource, create, defame, and call themselves childrens advocates for the parent who has a history of abuse but very wealthy, are compared to what I call OJ Simpson advocates. The child lives in fear with the other parent while the defender with no comparable resources is forced to suffer consequences of failure to the child, depression, and loss of hope in the system. I believe if there is history of violence in the parents past who hires these high end attorneys, then why not play fair by the govt. requesting the attorneys hired to have the pay for comparable council up front. If they are SO CONCERNED ABOUT THE CHILD, and with their understandable wealth, they should feel no fear in a fair fight. Or I believe a class action suit needs to begin. I myself plan on looking for any parent who has lost their child due to Ms. Becky Beaver and some of her unethical practices.
    If your out there, let me know. If you are a liason of ms. beaver, I will find out so be careful. No more, means no more.
    I am tired of this attorneys sick antics and trying to make herself look like she is all the about the children.
    I have met one person who took down all pictures of their children for Ms. Beaver has friends in the system who are “Child Therapists” and accused this person of molesting his sick child in a wheelchair that can barely talk.
    This is one of a 10 people I have met anonysmosly and heard these stories.
    I am doing my research even with her sealed files to seek out what is poor ethics and defamation.
    Want to be a hero, speak up, call legislators who advocate rights for children and expensive attorneys who play with peoples lives.
    If you are the one hiring her or other like her. Shame on you for thinking about only lining you pockets. You are lining them with the welfare of the children you protect.


    Phew, that feels better.

    Anne, its time to take to our power back.

    In Texas, please look at Valinda Bolton and Patrick Rose. Both these legistlators are against the abuse of MAD DADS and their use of high powered attorneys to win. Vote for these people.

    While your at Ms. Beavers picture, listen to Untouchable, by the band “Garbage”. All to simpatico.


  14. Sorry, but DV is about control. Not about gender. I got horror stories and I’ve seen exactly what happens in the courts — there is an assigned victim and an assigned perpetrator and no amount of money can buy it any other way. There’s money and more money to be had and it’s getting harsh and scary. The assigned victim women. The assigned perpetrator men. It does not matter who did what. It only matters your gender. I witnessed the system destroy a perfectly good life because he was male. I saw them turn their backs on the truth and not even bother with listening. They didn’t listen to either side.. They saw a man and a woman case closed! Not once did it occur it could have been the other way. The way I see it now, victim the man and the woman, the perpetrator the system.

  15. Dear Anne,

    Came across some information to share if you feel comfortable with it. There is a woman named Liz Goldreyer. She is another tough cookie like you in that she is dong investigations into the court corruption with regards to Family Law.

    CASH for kids is one of the things she was very familiar with and now the Fathers RIghts Initiatives and govt. bodies cashing in on it.

    United we stand. Divided we fall.

    Hope this is helpful

  16. I am currently going through a divorce and I am stunned at the level of ignorance of the law, the freedom and nerve of judges, lawyers, GAL’s and Custody Evaluators to do what they please and the sheer torture that children are put through without any regard for what is in their best interest.
    They get away with this because no one is watching them and holding them accountable. This is a great program. Where do people go to sign up?

  17. Currently our government is worse than the Mafia. From what I am learning we don’t really elect our government officials. It’s all about positioning parties and certain candidates in to place as they look at the economy, situations with other countries and war, our trade outs. Just crazy. This is from people who worked intelligence, one friend who worked internal affairs, and a couple of judges. Everyone has to keep there score card looking good, so instead of justice, they find a way to share cases, offer kickbacks, and even blackmail. I looked up the Lawyers Oath for when the pass the bar exam. It says. “We will do the best for our clients ” or as stated in Texas Code…#(3) (discharge the attorney’s duty to his client to the best of the attorney’s ability.)
    That is what’s on the Texas State Bar Website. Ignoring upholding the Constitution of the U.S.
    You have to play smarter than an attorney. If it was not for Ann’s site I would not even pay attention to the whole process. Now I have a couple of lawyers getting pissed because I bring up Texas Family Codes and question why they are not being followed. It is hard right now due to the father rights inititatives and money set aside for payment to judges, and the want those attorneys in their courtroom. Be smart. Look up codes. Read “the intellectual blog” on how to break the woman down so you don’t have pay child support and get full custody of the child. I went through all of that after what was suppose to be a felony crime with the assault, got listed as a misdemeanor. Gotta be proactive. They will rape you. If I had the functions I would go pro se and open up a can of worms. So, you might want to grab your inner bitch and read the laws for your and your childrens protection.
    P.S. Be careful of Rick Perry. His balls right now are being held in a tight squeeze for his wife hired the same lawyer my ex has for a potential divorce 2 years ago. With his decision to run, it has been put off, and he ignores the pleas of many people asking for help with the corruption.
    Go for it. Do it for your children. The media does not care, and policy analysts are too afraid to make a move.

  18. Good Morning, My name is Jackie and I am new to your group I have lived all my life in Virginia until 2yrs
    ago, when I was actually forced by stress and feeling like I was
    losing my mind! My 18yr old daughter had a baby in 2005 and abandoned this baby at birth and his father is unknown. I stepped up and took over and raised the child since birth like I guess any other grandparent would do. Almost a year later my supposingly devoted friend, husband of 23yrs I found out thru my family and others that worked at the same plant came and told me of an affair he was having, he started coming home late, would stay gone 2 or 3 days at a time when I confronted him he first lied, however I finally filed for divorce, now keep in mind this lil man I still had even though every one had walked out on us.

    I continued working at our hospital which I was employed for 22yrs thru this all, although I was shell shocked, so in March 2009, I come home from work only to find a supeona on door after 4yrs later and my daughter had never been active in his life
    she had petitioned the court now she wanted her child back. I have been thru now 2 attorney the first one I fired after I found out they were all in kahoots together and he lied about his fees he tried to charge, and then to make a long story short hired another lawyer now this one charges 250.00 an hour, well after a couple trips to J&D courts my daughter appeals now and we are moved to circuit court where we do an entire 360. We walk into court and now it has gone from just her visitation to immediately “Ya;ll understand why we are here today to get this transition underway” Excuse me? I cannot elaborate on how many false allegations she got by with! She had real estate “the home is her husband mothers” She had a stable job she stated fulltime (8-1) 4 days a week, back where I come from and was raised that was part time, she was working on her ged Really that was order by the courts when she was in high school to get her off her truancy charges, still she hasn’t obtained that ged never could hold a job. She had past charges where she arrested on her job when the baby was only 3months old for embezzlement.
    She had been in and out of 2 crack houses even when the baby was an infant. When I had my hysterectomy in 2009 and gallbladder surgery I got the family together to make sure the baby was going to have adequate amount of care and properly taking care of. “Now keep in mind, this is her weekend but she stated when I ask her to help out” That aint goin to happen, you expect everyone to put the life on hold to cater to your f***** a&& this is her child for crying out loud, she only took him for a couple hours and I told her this is your weekend if front of him she stated” You better be f***** glad I am taking him at all.” The courts tried to make us look like we where crap, I had met a fella in 2007 and dated for 2 and half years when he finally told me to order the trucks I will pay to get you the hell out of there, they are going to kill you and I remarried and moved to Maryland 4hours away, had to quit my job and leave everyone behind. My husband has his own business and house with 20acres and they always put my husband on the stand and questioned if he could take care of us until I could get stabilized and find a job he stated yes and he did. I had my hysterectomy in 2009 and right after my surgery with 32 staples going across “I was told from my ex and my daughter” if you can walk you can take care of Christopher and I did only to end up with blood clot in my right leg,
    After several trips to court We found out on thanksgiving the judge was reuniting them back together on Christmas, Christmas eve to be exact early part of that day so we counted down our last days to our last minutes before we had to give him up the tears we all shared and Christopher being 5 and half screaming and crying and telling me and my husband “mommy don’t let Judge take me away” I had him in counseling and our last week was hell and numerous trips back and forth to counseling Christopher trying to run out in front of a car at our grocery store Christopher stated to kill himself so he wouldnt have to go, to trying to jump off 2nd floor of counseling to kill himself to keep from going and the grand finale he took scissors and scalped himself all the way back where my stepdaughter a hair dresser had to end up shaving his head, Christopher last night at counseling he opened up to his counselor and told her how my daughters husband puts a pillow of over his face and he told her how he told me and my husband “Mommy and Honey I scream and beg for him to let up and he will not let up” to now just recently her husband gave him a super wedgie and caused his recctum to start bleeding and then swingin him around the room.
    When we arrived here in Maryland I took him to the dentist I was concerned with a couple discoloration spots on his front teeth he had dental surgery down at Shady Grove on his front teeth in which my daughter was totally against and said it was f***** ridiculous it was only his baby teeth wrong also 12 yr molars in which he would have to around 12yrs of age, now less than a year later Labor Day 2010 he comes back after visitation with one of his front teeth knocked out while he ws with her four wheel drive drinkin buddies and then on Easter when we got to see him and he came up his mouth had stitches, and recently July 2011 he comes up where he front teeth had been knocked out again with her four wheel drive buddies and they both stated there was 2 ropes hanging down but between the two was a car they had to swing from one rope over top the car to the next rope needless to say Christopher never made it to the second rope and hit the car”
    Maryland cps contacted Va in reference to the pillow incident Va closed and found no reason to keep it open, now we went to court recently June 17th and now the judge (who I swear was biased along with GAL) stated it has been 180 days and outside his jurisdition and he is sending it back to J&D where it originated but said his orders he put in place are still active and are to be followed thru, the GAL states Christopher has not been down there long enough please, also the orders states his school progress to be shared really we ask last year and she said he is doing great and loves his school only to have my lawyer confront the GAL in court after Christopher told us my daughter told him he failed because he was bad and stupid and it was our fault (mine and my husband) because we wanted to see him all the time(we had only been able to see him) twice since he was taken not only on Christmas Eve but also marked the anniversary of my fathers death no only one loss but now 2 to endure and then the only thing I had to cling to my husband yes I had give him up to he had to drive the 5hours round trip to meet her so while everyone was surrounded by family I was enduring another loss and no one at Christmas,
    I cannot put this behind me and first and foremost let me elaborate I never raised this child to believe I was his mother I told him she was his biological mother and how I came along when she left him which she denies, and now actually at 6yrs of age he plays her games better than she does, when he is around her and her husband they are to be called mommy and daddy but as soon as he gets away from it is back to Chassidy and her husband JT, and me and my husband have always been mommy or momma and my husband always has been Honey, the school and daycare here ate this up, I told them he has been in his life since he was 2yrs of age, recently when my youngest daughter got him she said he was really upset and she ask him what was wrong and what happened Christopher stated I am sick and tired of everyone telling me Chassidy is my mother she is not my mother she is not the one who raised me feed me and took care of me, I ask and pleaded with my attorney not to let them do this to me last year especially at Christmas and having to endure another loss he stated it is not a loss and it is not healthy looking at it like this “EXCUSE me what do you call it” he stated to work it out with my daughter if Christmas was not good and I said there is no reasoning with her my attorney stated to go plan on the next weekend New Years getting him only to get a call from my daughter she would not be meeting us on New Years it had only been a week into this transition and it was not necessary,
    I had always had an open door policy day or night but now we are on very strict guideline he is put to bed at 6:50pm at night, she shaved him bald and sent him back to school on the first day this year. I sent my useless attorney letters along with 500.00 and pictures not to get no reply and bill me for 7500.00 for what I don’t know I could have done everything he has done,,, these are not regular visitation everyone is breakin down and Christopher is pleading down send him back why can’t he move back up her with his real family and his real home and go back to his real school “Oakdale Elementary” in which he attended for 2 and half years in which they where great and sincere and comforting our final days they had Christmas gifts galore wrapped and packaged for him, we all where living our final days and hours down to the last,
    Now supposingly if Circuit Courts orders are to be followed and active why is Christopher not recieving counseling and supposingly her attorney was quick to defend and have the judge and GAL agree she had met every burden of proof and change of circumstance stable job and home and can afford him really she is no longer working told me the other night they got Christopher 2 outfits for school but he needs a pair of shoes and winter coat, I guess now she is finding out her meesly 169.00 a month does even begin cutting in to raise a child, My husband stated the picture she sent us on his first day of school was very disturbing where she shaved him bald and he looks like a little cancer child and malnourished”
    I would like to know is there the little bit of hope we can do anything else or why do they make us both go thru the grief and torture, School and therapist have already said who would ever think of splitting us up after 5 and half years where he never had a want or need, and she really didn’t want him she only wanted to hurt me, she is always trying to find someone to pawn him off on, his own grandpa my ex will not come see him and will not let him stay overnight, Christopher stated last time everytime he calls his papa to see if he can come over it is no no no, and everytime he calls his Auntie she would have to find a place for them to stay, but every time when he calls momma and honey it is yes yes yes, so he said nobody wants me at there house
    My daughter is biological mother is living in a fairytale life where she is lying to him on everything the reason he came to her house is we didn’t love him anymore and want him here and her husband is daddy, all of her four wheel drive buddies is his aunt and uncles, and he is not allowed around his immediate family, please help I know this is alot……but according to my daughter and the schedule she has come up with we are about to hit a rewind of last year and again she states I can have him dec 16-24, I would have to give him back again on Christmas eve, so she is going again to have christmas eve, Christmas day New years eve and day and I dont get to see him anymore to Jan 16th and this is fair when I told her what she did last year not only on Christmas but the anniversary of my father death she said I didn’t call to argue I will get him this Christmas and you can have him the next. The way I look at this is “We didn’t do mom in last year let’s hit Rewind and give it one more shot” I have told my attorney in the past two letters I have sent I cannot and will not have another year like last year and still I get no response please help” Yes since I had to give up a child in which all the therapists and even pastor stated what type of daughter would do this type of thing to her mother and by alldo respects he was your baby and you was his mother, and splitting you to up after 5 and half years would be detrimental on both of you, I continue with my grieving and pray often for relief of bitterness and anger but have went down hill since then, actually have genetic clotting disorder with continous clots, gastritis and constant nausea, had emergency surg May 25 due to ovarian cyst that had ruptured.
    I have heard from different support groups that I was more than just a grandparent I was actually a de facto parent and had the same rights in the courtroom, and they could not remove him unless there was legitimate cause or physical harm since I have him for 5 and a half yrs and since birth. I have every reason to believe my rights have been violated I actually consulted with another attorney in Va who was going to charge a flat 5000.00 fee I wish I had my hands on this one, he said in a free initial phone consultation I think you only deserve to know the honest truth and which I overly thanked him, he said I was to suppose to have a transcriptionist in that courtroom WHATT!!! No never no reporter or nothing he said I had been slammed sideways and he would have to go back and redo everything the way it should have been done the first time.
    I honestly feel this was a custody scam and payoff, my second attorney first asked me to obtain all the documents from the first one who I fired and I did and delivered ok then why would he have to contact him for any reason at all (to pick up where that one left off) and now to tell me this was not a loss it was not healthy for any of us to look at it like this, I am not use to an empty place at the table or a bedroom to walk past(in which I have to keep the door shut and locked) and the supposingly final case in circuit court I ask him minutes before walking in If you see us going South in the courtroom do you have a Plan B in effect, and looked up right at me and said that right there is something I dont want you to ask me! I could have lost it then! and then to bill me 7500.00 dollars for what, Now sending 400.00 to 500.00 dollars every payday along with update and pictures and he will not respond. I know they are not losing any sleep and everytime before we went in he would constantly tell me we have to get u to focus, I finally told him no you need to focus (me focus on what gettin ready to get another screwing) please I lost all the way around.
    I am still getting calls from his pediatric dentist here where he was having cleanings routinely in reference to him being passed due, He is over 223 miles from me and is not getting his teeth taken care and his entire needs met like they were here. I will also try to copy the letter at Christmas I left for him in our final hours

    December 22, 2010
    To my Dearest Christopher (Monkeyd)
    We are about to venture into a dark place to turn back
    the pages of your life, it will be a sorrowful journey full of pain
    looking into the inner core of what happened, somehow trying
    to explain it to you. I pray what we about to do will be honest and
    clear. As I look around the house at all the legal documents, pictures
    and letters of comfort. I can only hope that someday you might be able
    to return to a place in your mind that was your real home and that
    tells you “mommy and Honey”you would refer sometimes to him as
    daddy (and the only real dad )you have ever known, loved me.
    They did everything they could to make me try to understand that I
    was an important person that I was an individual and not a piece of
    property and I was worth fighting for! As I set back recollecting our
    last final hours together counting down the hours and seconds and
    living like it was our last final hours with you, and remembering our
    last conversations and blowing each other “pinkie” kisses and
    promises. And your final words was ” I will never forget you Mommy”
    and questioning over and over up to the present why do you have to
    go and don’t let Judge take me away from you, it was never our decision
    to let you go no matter how much you were told “We didn’t love you
    anymore and didn’t want you to live here anymore” This was never
    true! We love and miss you deeply.
    God Bless my Lil Monkey D and God Bless your heart and soul!
    I pray everyday and night God will place his arms of protection
    and shield around you day and night, my Army of Angels protect you
    and you are my sunshine you would always sing it back and say
    Shunshine and please don’t take my Sunshine away! and rise and
    shine sunshine.!
    We miss you and love you sooo much,
    with all our love Mommy and Honey

    December 22, 2010
    To my Dearest Christopher (Monkeyd)
    We are about to venture into a dark place to turn back
    the pages of your life, it will be a sorrowful journey full of pain
    looking into the inner core of what happened, somehow trying
    to explain it to you. I pray what we about to do will be honest and
    clear. As I look around the house at all the legal documents, pictures
    and letters of comfort. I can only hope that someday you might be able
    to return to a place in your mind that was your real home and that
    tells you “mommy and Honey”you would refer sometimes to him as
    daddy (and the only real dad )you have ever known, loved me.
    They did everything they could to make me try to understand that I
    was an important person that I was an individual and not a piece of
    property and I was worth fighting for! As I set back recollecting our
    last final hours together counting down the hours and seconds and
    living like it was our last final hours with you, and remembering our
    last conversations and blowing each other “pinkie” kisses and
    promises. And your final words was ” I will never forget you Mommy”
    and questioning over and over up to the present why do you have to
    go and don’t let Judge take me away from you, it was never our decision
    to let you go no matter how much you were told “We didn’t love you
    anymore and didn’t want you to live here anymore” This was never
    true! We love and miss you deeply.
    God Bless my Lil Monkey D and God Bless your heart and soul!
    I pray everyday and night God will place his arms of protection
    and shield around you day and night, my Army of Angels protect you
    and you are my sunshine you would always sing it back and say
    Shunshine and please don’t take my Sunshine away! and rise and
    shine sunshine.!
    We miss you and love you sooo much,
    with all our love Mommy and Honey

    I want to express my deepest appreciation to all ya’ll taking your time to listen and read my pleadings and I am open for any additional advice or helpful information..
    God Bless you all and my prayers is for each and everyone to oneday have our babies back to there Real Home and where they belong…
    Yours Truly,

  19. Ms Drake
    How can a lay person help raise awareness about this issue? I am an OB/GYN. My ex is an attorney who knows how to use the legal system to abuse me by taking me back to court over and over. What I have spent in legal fees over the years would have paid for college for at least two of my children. I have no idea how women without access to money even begin to deal with this type of abuse. I thought I was alone. I also believed that if I just perservered justice would be served. I wish someone had told me 10 years ago that the courts are not about justice because then I would have made some very different decisions. How can I help educate other women about this before they spend their life savings fighting for something that they will never get in the court system?

  20. Well, I am putting myself on a line. I got a package that Anne Drake suggested from National Coucil of Juvenile and Family Court Judges on PAS, Legislative Updates, Studies, etc… The person who sent it to me is a Policy Analyst. With the package was her card and contact information. I visitied with her on the phone a few times, and since she is not a lawyer, she could not advise me, but instead, listened, and had me email her the what the power of money and relationship in the courts has done to my daughter and me. I say. Call her too. The more data and insite, the better to influence legislators. PAM RUSSELL – 775-327-5152. The money attorneys make are from continuances, relationships with the courts, and have influence and power. No, I can’t do anything anymore for my ex will always outspend me and they ruined my life by proxy of creating information, and defamation. And they love it. Next time your ex files suit. Try this. Ask for a jury trial and that you will be pro se. If you are the respondent, you are entitled. And this will cost your ex, a lot of money. And you don’t have to rely on the bias of a judge.
    Let me know if this is Ok Drake.

  21. Dr. Kenny,

    Sadly, too many attorneys look at a high-income couple like you and your ex as ATMs. They intentionally manipulate their clients to stoke the natural animosity in a divorcing couple’s relationship to keep the litigation going and the fees flowing into firm coffers.

    In addition, there is the pit bull abuser dynamic that manifests as parental alienation syndrome (PAS). PAS is junk science that many naive, uninformed judges buy.

    So, my first suggestion to you is to order or download the judicial guide that is featured on the side column of my web site. It’s free. It is a respectful way to suggest to the judge in your case that he/she needs to get educated on manipulation of the legal system as an instrument of abuse.

    You might be interested in Jeanne I. King’s book All But My Soul. She’s a psychologist who was married to an OB/GYN in Chicago. I knew many of the players in her story.

    My next suggestion is that you do what I have done. Start a blog. The space on this issue is wide open and in desperate need of someone with your education and experience to empower women who lack your financial resources. The Rights for Mothers blog was phenomenal, but the author was persuaded to take it down by her fellow PAS mothers who IMHO would rather raise “poor me control drama” hell than seek viable solutions.

    If this is of interest to you, I can e-mail you contact information for people who are established in this field and who are making a difference.

    My last suggestion would be for you to work within your profession to educate your peers.

    I want to applaud your desire to pay it forward, and I pray that karma blesses you with peace in your life.

    Best wishes,

  22. My ex-husband stood in our driveway and screamed at me at the top of his lungs that he was going to “kill” me though the courts. Our children were standing in the driveway when this happened. He has even sued our oldest daughter when she was nine to go to the Texas Youth Commission if she does not attend visitation. This lawsuit has been open for the past two years. She is an honor roll student, second chair violist in GDYO, and a community volunteer. I am a mother who has run out of time and who has almost constant flashbacks of the abuse when I hear from or am near my ex. They are getting worse and not better. My daughter is going to have to go with her abuser (even though he sprained her back) and I know he will not rest for anything except all control of the children. The courts (322nd District Court in Tarrant County) are just sitting back and allowing this. They don’t even know about how well rounded my daughter is and how much she has achieved, she is just another case sitting on a docket with the end result being that she MUST go with her abuser, and with me being sued to death.

  23. The burden of forgetting is on the abused. We are the ones that are physically and emotionally violated, and yet we are required to keep our composure and even play nice towards our abuser. We are force-fed daily interactions with someone who smirks at our every sign of weakness, denies or minimalizes HIS actions which have resulted in OUR trauma, and uses the basic “fight or flight” reactions that flood our systems every time we see him to destroy us through the courts. PLEASE STOP FORCE-FEEDING US OUR ABUSERS!!

  24. My heart goes out to those women who are struggling with an abusive ex- and the courts. I am a physician, who is fortunate enough to have the financial resources to take my deadbeat, lawyer, ex-husband to court. But I too found out the expensive way that the courts don’t give a damn about me or my children and particularly when your ex- is one of the “good old boys” he can stop paying child support with absolutely no repercussions. I have decided to stop going to court because it is only making the lawyers rich and costing me precious time and money that I would rather spend on more productive pursuits. I do however have a deep appreciation for how aweful this must be for women who are trying not to just get the ex- to pay child support, as I was, but who are fighting for their children’s very lives. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I hope to God that somehow this will change and I am willing to do what ever I can toward that end.

  25. Thank you Laura for the caring response, and I am sorry for both you and your family for having to endure the world of Child Trafficking in our U.S. Justice System. I first visited with Ms. Drake in 2010 regarding my case. When I read other womens stories and the extent the ex would go to continue out a personal vendetta with lawyers. I heard of mothers sleeping in cars, not seeing children, being charged child support to millionaires while they pay for supervised visits, etc… And I never thought I would be one. I have now met sooo many. If you get to see your children, you are doing much better than most, but the legal fight could cost you not only monetarily but your health, and emotional stability. After 3 years, I am not the same, and because my ex who tells everyone he never wanted the child in the first place when we were married, has total control of her, and I have NO contact due to games I can not legally afford to fight, or emotionally. I have had to resign to regaining inner self and strength. There are articles on A.A.R.V.A.R.K. from Cornell University regarding the this growing dilemma. Ann said it strait. It’s not your attorneys. It’s the judges. You must research relationships between councel and tax records to judges. Don’t let it kill you as I let it, but make a statement. Were a shirt with a picture of your child with a circle and slash that states. “NOT FOR SALE”. Hell, What are they gonna do, ask where they can get one. Good luck my friend, We will win. For our childrens sake and women who are constantly abused by money and power.
    Thank you Ms. Drake again for the power of your wisdom

  26. Everytime I read these stories it seems to be based on women being abused by men, not so in my husbands case. His ex-wife is a paralegal in the Cook County Court System for over 22 years. She has used her position to torment him with over 200 court dates and is still fighting him in court for insurance coverage and his daughters are 24 & 25. She has never had to pay a penny for her lawyers (she always uses her employer), she knows how to work the system and is very abusive about it. It just makes me mad that the courts allow her unlimited access and her actions are financially destroying him but they are also costing the taxpayers of Illinois a lot of money. The Judge is this case knows her well and doesn’t do anything to stop her – its sickening! I don’t know how to handle it.

  27. What can I do about my wife who lied on a police report to have me arrested. I sat in jail for 102 days. My proof is her 911 call she made. She has ruined my life. Out of guilt, she has done everything except tell the important people in my life that she just blatently lied on the report. I have tried to protect her and just accept what has happened, but find I just can’t hide the truth. She must understand the gravity of what she did.

  28. why always women are portrayed as weak, helpless creature? are women really that? it is a stereotype and not truth. there are many women who abuse their husband. go get a google search and you will find cases where wife abuses husbands.

  29. I left my husband in 2010 because I was afraid of him because he was abusing me in front of my daughter. My daughter and me went to live with my son so my husband and is unethical lawyer told many lies about me and how I was crazy and a my daughter was in danger with me. During the divorce proceedings I had no choice but too move in with him so I could be with my daughter who didnt want to live with him alone. He still pushed the courts to give him a divorce even though we had been living together again for several months. I lost custody of my daughter. He uses my daughter and the fact he was given the home against me in his sick game of emotional abuse and power. Over two years later my daughter and I are still living with him and his cycle of abuse. There really is too many details of our story to tell just on this page it is a horrid example of an abuser using the court system to control his victim. Needless to say I am going to college to become a lawyer. I want to be the voice for those who cannot otherwise speak for themselves, I never want another abused woman or child to go through what we have just because they cant afford an attorney.

  30. I live in VA and the system is the same. My ex, after four years of divorce that was amicable, decided to be nasty and take me back to court for custody. I was in Nursing school at the time. He used his parents money and illegally dug up dirt that would destroy me in court. Of course he hired the unethical lawyer that manipulated the GAL and managed to get the judge she liked on the court case. The system is broken. I have not seen my children in almost a year. My ex got me six months of jail time for contempt of court (suspended if I don’t mess up). The GAL never spoke to me and claimed to have never received documents that were certified mail to her office… so I have a signature that shows she received them. I too have had to find myself again. I feel like a part of me has been ripped away. My ex was an absentee father but once he remarried the wheels starting turning on how to destroy me and what I have worked hard for in my life. In the end, the children suffer. The three ringed circus called the judicial system destroys their lives and creates an environment of animosity. I hope someday my children understand why I had to walk away… drowning financially, emotionally, and mentally… I saw the toll it was having on the children to be forced to choose which parent. I have been reduced to white trash in my children’s eyes because of my ex. With hopes of a future when they turn 18, that is what keeps me going.

  31. Wow…I thought I had it bad. I’m fighting against the money-based court system too via Barrett and Coble, taking me to court by stoking the fires of hate between me and my ex. I really hope she finds another guy to re-focus her life on rather than sueing me for not picking up my daughter early enough, when I’ve asked for months, to allow me to do so. I’m going back to court because she wants a GAL and to have me psycho evaled. I’m hoping for the best and praying I’ll get a modification for more time with my daughter.

    Anyone know of a good lawyer that can hold up to Beaver or Barrett?

    Opposing counsel are B&B, not mine. FYI.

  32. Women and Domestic Violence is not about weak, unstable, people. The percentage of men physically, emotionally, verbally, abusing the women in their lives far outweighs women abusing men. I know it happens for my stepfather who was an abuser to us kids growing up now is having the crap beat out of him by a large woman. I do not advocate this at all. And after all of the crazy things I am going through now with Courts in Texas against “best interest of children” by choosing a parent that has more money, political points in our legislature, or like the case for Kelly Rutherford where the judge “just did not like her” (quote Glenn Sacks). Then these judges are not about the welfare of any of us. As far as Beaver and Barrett. Welp. 1. The rule of the game is make sure you and your ex HATE each other. I have seen a friend of mine who was a father that Ms. Beaver used her usual troup of signed on therapists to create any story. He was accused of raping his daughter who is a parapalegic. SOmething the mother never believed in until her hired guns help anchor the story. Best bet for your childrens sake. Tell the State you want a mediator to help create a family plan so that the child is not broken by a very brutal and non forgiving set of lawyers. They have a network. You wont win. But, there time is coming. Children should be more important that all the facade. And they will delay, delay, run you out of money. Thats her mojo. Along with her court connects. She is dirty law. And I feel sorry for any child who has an intentionally destructive person to a childs welfare while serving on all the board for Child Advocate Agencies. Alas. If you really love your child. Tell your ex that you want to do whats in their best interest and not spending money on the lawyers who are only interested in money. Good luck

  33. Dear Anne, I can’t thank you enough for this article!
    We need to have a courage to stand up for our-self. We also need to be more like men in some ways. For example, they back up each other, they would even lie for each other. It’s not like that with women. We have to learn to cover each others back. I’ve been in and out of court for 3.5 years now for protective orders, divorce, custody. Still fighting for my child. My ex has his boss and coworkers on the witness stand lying for him in court. I have a hard time getting anyone telling even truth for me because women are scared. PLEASE DO NOT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT THE VICTIM ROLE!!! Be proactive, persistent, never give up. Eye for an eye, if you will. I had a psychologist appointed by court fired because she aligned with my ex and lied in court. She is about to loose her license. I filed complaints against school because they wouldn’t give me even report cards. I had to do it over and over, but I got the results I needed. It is very important to communicate your problems to people. Most of them wouldn’t give a damn, but there will somebody who does and will be willing to help you. Stay strong, have a clear goal in mind, and you will succeed!

  34. Very, very interesting. I’ve been in a 7 year divorce battle, now dealing with bankruptcy filed by my husband who already has had 8 lawyers with this one. Iv’e been in all of these women’s shoes regarding “custody war”. I don’t see yet my end but would love to help others in my situation. I am fed up with the judicial system!

  35. I would be open to.talking to.anyone who is interested in sharing. I know I take a chance of being set up by my ex’s lawyers or people affiliated with him or the firms. I have been told I have a “gag” order. But according to the ACLU. Unless there has been an exchange of money. Freedom of Speech is still my in rights. With another call from CPS where the investigator is a level 3. I am blocked from all the information on what’s going on. I believe he has put an injunction on my eldest who is close to him. And I was verbally told over speaker phone I am her or speak of my youngest daughter Brooklyn again. Really. I see why Drake had to step back from being a sounding board and trying to find help for others after enduring what I understand to be the complete definition of abuse by the person she trusted was her love but used his connections to protect him. Its a big issue in Texas. Watch Sarah Slamen in the Texas Court House and her honorable confrontation. Then her interview with Lawrence O’Donnell and Bill.Maher. These people are our new hope. But have to remain in hiding due to her amazing knowledge and intention to bring it out. I’m tired from loss, grief of no one stepping up for Brooklyn. And my ex having more money that prevents not protects ‘Law” Becky Beaver and people who associate with her. Are not honorable. None. Her connections only help more money go into a.government who wants to eliminate the “weak ” “poor” etc. Honor is stepping up to truth.

  36. It appears that fathers who manipulate the legal system as an instrument of abuse have found this site and are leaving comments to further their cause.

    Their comments will be deleted.

  37. I find it so outrageous that father’s scream “victim of accusations”. As a mom it would be “sick” to make allegations and have your child challenged legally.

    Studies show false allegations are only 5 to 10%. When you truly believe abuse is happening to your child, you get sick from fear of the repercussions once you make a complaint. For from there out protecting them is out of your hands.

    A judge in Houston Texas went on the news to share how Judges are taught to ignore women claiming abuse. YouTube her testimony.

    A father that hires lawyers to do anything to 1. Get full custody, and total control where mom has no recourse or rights. & 2. Does EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to prevent a relationship between the mother and child. Including ignoring phone calls, or the orders. Really should be questioned.

    So should the legal community that contribute to the obvious.

    I know molestors get more visitations than I do.

    I have lost faith in a system full of incest.

    There is some light of hope.

    Corruption in the courts and politics are finally a national focus.

    And then. Maybe lawsuits for malicious intent with tort reform.

  38. I’ve been trying to get divorce for 3 years now and on my second attorney with no prevails. my ex refuses to sign the divorce keeps making changes and than begged me to finish the parenting plan saying once i signed the divorce would be finalized. that didn’t happen he keeps amending it and i was a stay at home mom for 7 years. we have 2 boys 7 and 2 but the abuse and cheating was horrible but like other women i didn’t want my kids to suffer with this awful man. he never spent time at home and continues to roam the streets when he has the boys because he has a full time nanny. he claims he makes no money but drives around in a ferrari has floor tickets to basketball games gamble and continue living his life style… i have gone back to school and trying to make ends meet, but with this constant changes court and attorneys are expensive. the abusive is horrible. my boys cry hysterical when they have to go with him and he doesn’t care. when the boys are with me he calls constantly and harass the boys but if we don’t call back he claims i am trying to withhold a relationship they should have. but when boys are with him and they want to call me… he never lets them. so my older son secretly sends me emails and tells his dad he is playing games. its horrible

  39. Since this posting began I’m 2010. I have had learn the hard way about money and court Corruption.
    A month ago, my mom called to get my youngest daughters phone number after he said. “I’VE never tried to keep them from talking.
    I have the last contact on texts after she explained she couldn’t talk on phone.
    Her text was “I feel suicidal “. “He wont take me to the doctor for help”!
    Others have sent me anonymous emails with concern for a child that is being punished, as am I, for asking for help from him.

  40. Continued.
    There are a lot of people aware of my daughters need for help.
    My ex found them out and placed injunctions on them. Hell. He and his lawyer placed injunctions on anyone and everyone. Testimony against me where made by the same people who knows the abusive nature of my ex.
    My statement to.all.of them.
    My daughters life is in your hands.
    If I get the investigation I want.

  41. Typical for women to claim the victim card. Men can be victims also. I’m so sick and tired of the way women manipulate EVERYTHING depending on what their own needs are for that particular moment. I have found that just about everything that women do involves some sort of trickery ; batting her eyes to get…..whatever. crying to get……whatever. flirting to get……whatever. ……there is a pattern here…. the interesting thing is that like 99% (if not 100%) of men know and agree, where as 100% of women KNOW, but don’t agree that it is what they do. They manipulate this as well.
    You want equality, but refuse to be equally blamed, thought of, treated, looked at…………the list goes on and on……and on some more…
    Bottom line is :
    Women are not equal to men.
    (“Oh yes we are equal, equal, equal, EQUAL!!”)
    – Any woman
    Ok ladies……
    Are men equal to women?
    I rest my case.

  42. My ex husband was mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive to me for 10 years of our 16 year marriage. 7 years ago we divorced, I gave. Him everything even our 3 children. He has his mother and fathers money, he gets ss disability for something he don’t even have and has been using legal harrasment to keep me from my children. I don’t have money for attorneys, and my children are all nearing 18 and he’s afraid to loose them so he’s trying to get me imprisoned on stupid ass charges so the kids won’t leave him! I’m on the verge of an emotional meltdown! What can I do? He has been dragging me to court repededly for 7 damned years.

  43. Jennifer,

    My heart breaks to hear that your ex is so evil and probably a spoiled brat who needs to grow the hell up. A lot of people are sadly walking in our shoes. When I first read your comment, I didn’t have a clue how to respond. Ironically, I decided to clean my apartment for my own self-care and found an excellent article written by fellow survivor Martha Beck: “You Can See Clearly Now” in Oprah’s magazine, January, 2012, pages 37-9 ( It was timely for me, and I think it might be timely for you too. I love the butterfly illustration.

    While I don’t have any magic shields and don’t have the bandwidth to help individuals, I think there is some value to getting involved via social media with those walking in our shoes. My caution, however, is to avoid like the plague radical women who are stuck in “poor me” victim mode. We need solutions. Therefore, I encourage you to seek out those who seem to be able to maturely think outside the proverbial box.

    My next suggestion is to eradicate your ex from your head. This isn’t easy. I urge you to read my posts about “pit bull” abusers because my sense is that your ex is a pit bull abuser. These are the guys who can’t and won’t let go. It is very, very difficult to not respond when they push our hot buttons, but this is exactly what we must do. We must focus on our lives ~ our goals ~ our dreams and not let ourselves get distracted by their annoying buzzing. It takes time to master this, but you will be happier when your life is about YOU and only you and your children.

    My next suggestion is to engage in self-care. Eat healthy. Get regular exercise ~ something fun that you enjoy. Get good sleep. This will help you to feel more in control of your life and give you a clearer head.

    I am a big believer in having faith in ourselves. When fear takes over in our heads, we can’t function properly or think clearly. This too isn’t easy, but you can master it in time.

    Finally, I am a huge believer in the court of public opinion. As you know, abusers isolate us. We need to build healthy relationships with people who will support and protect us. Some people call this a tribe. I was licensed to practice law in two states, but I don’t think most of us will find justice in the court system. As you saw with the recent NFL scandal, the court of public opinion renders much more swift and certain justice. Our personal courts of public opinion consist of family and friends who can put peer pressure on your ex to grow the hell up, be a real man, and find a healthy hobby which isn’t focused on making your life miserable.

    I don’t have all the answers, Jennifer, but I have posted everything I have learned on my own quest to rid my life of a corrupt, abusive, state supreme court judge. MFer has been stalking me since 1992, and my biggest dream is that one day a guy with a deep, booming voice will call him up and suggest he find a new hobby ~ woodworking, photography, ballroom dancing, etc. Everytime he tries to intrude on my life, I say to myself, “get a life, asshole.” I give myself an evening to be totally pissed off, and I move on.

    Please try to find Martha Beck’s article either on-line or at the library. It is excellent advice on how to clean out the swamp when it is full of alligators. Have faith in yourself. Know that God loves you.

    Wishing you all the very best,
    Anne Caroline

  44. Maria. Google The Intellectual observer news with an article titled How to stop paying that bitch child support. Its a real game. .. let me know how the case goes. Ciao Bella

  45. Hi Ms. Drake please Google mark newton Newark NJ.I am his 75 victim in the city of Newark NJ. This man has destroy lives time and time again. Not only is the city doing nothing to stop him but they don’t care. There were 3 stories done by the Newark star ledger, also by news12nj and ABC channel 7 . If you thought you herd stories about abuse of the court then this will blow you away. I hope I will have the opportunity to be in contact with you . please Google his info first, you will be amazed. The courts refuses to punish this man, but his victims are left to be dragged through the court system missing work and paying thousands for lawyers just to have the charges eventually thrown out.

  46. Im going through a litigation with my sons father who i was never married to he has money and im working class we have been going through litigation since june my son and i have been through hell. I would like some sites an info bc this is exactly whats been going on for years he usea the legal system in order to continue abuse an control.

  47. As long as we dont get legislatures to stop the food chain. These cases are getting more advantages by the abusers of law. VAWA gives restitution for damages of child abuse victims. I think the lawyers should too. While being exposed. P.S. Since this posting was written the emotional destruction to my youngest and our trust in civil liberties have finally caused her to shut down after her dad found she was talking to me (as legally allowed). Its all fd up!

  48. One more thing. I have seen the physical damage for me. If i do have Cancer. Its from the stress and sick use of manipulative games. A Catholic Priest and a lawyer talke a similar oath. The real test is honor.

  49. Deborah,

    What’s your core competence? Your expertise? What do you do best?

    We need everyone’s talents. Change happens when we contribute what we know best to the overall objective.

    This often isn’t something grandiose. It is typically something local ~ something we can control ~ something within our own sphere of influence. This blog, for example, is a reflection of my certainty that best practices of survivors will help others navigate uncharted waters and find solutions.

    The Nike commercial said it best: Just DO it!

    I started this blog with $15 and a conviction that survivors connecting and creating a network would go a long way in changing a dysfunctional system. I am blown away that over 600K people from every country in the world have visited my humble little blog. I’ve made a whole lot of friends and met amazing colleagues. And, I am astounded at the dent we are making in the universe.

    We are ALL ordinary people doing extra-ordinary things. So, just DO it. Do what your heart calls you to do. Do it with integrity and conviction.

    And, please, please, please keep me posted on what you decide to do.

    Sending hugs and best wishes,
    Anne Caroline

  50. I wish that more good people was reading that.
    I wish that someone powerful and rich could stand for everyone and make the different.
    I am a defendant in a case and I got ordered not to complaint to any authority’s, so I can not give any details of the case.
    you can believe that? I saw a fraud and I can not complaint to that.
    I fill the a abuse at first hand by the courts and by the plaintiffs lawyers.
    I my loose the case and may loose all I have and just because I am a pro se and I can not afford to defend my self properly.
    best to you.

  51. I need to sue the public school on manipulation, bullying, and special education and disability on my 16 year old that was in the 11th. grade. I had to pull him out due to fear and anxiety along with trust issues. We have a rich nd powerful man with a well established professional career and the city lawyer that I live next to. I’m afraid they can afford to out litigations.

  52. It is not just affluent men. My ex-husband’s attorneys kept withdrawing because he didn’t pay them but he someone manipulated them to come back, or got a new one, throughout the 4 years he dragged out the divorce. Ended up he owed multiple attorneys a total over $20,000, which, of course, he never paid. I, however, did have to pay my attorney nearly $40,000. etc, etc.and am still waiting on over $10,000 from the asset distribution and over $30,000 back child support. As well as the years of multiple court dates as he continued to file bogus contempt charges against me (since I stopped talking to him and he had no other way to abuse and harass me). Along with frequent calls to DCF making false allegations child abuse/neglect. The most frequent instruction I was given was that I should ‘be nicer’ to him or ‘learn to communicate’ with him. In 16 years I only met ONE Social Worker who even understood the dynamics of abusive relationships. Going to a one-day workshop or seminar does not mean a judge/lawyer/magistrate or other legal/law enforcement worker ‘knows all about’ domestic violence!

  53. Family Court Corruption, Court Ordered ABUSE, Court Aided FRAUD and Racketeering in Tarrant County TEXAS of Fort Worth is off the Charts SEVERE!!

    Several Racketeering schemes have been devised by Corrupt Family Court Judges and Attorneys to financially RAPE victims of Domestic Abuse and Tax Payer Dollars in Tarrant County TEXAS of Fort Worth

    Corrupt Family Court Judges are siding with the ABUSERS, aiding in ABUSE by they’re Court Orders and AIDING in marital FRAUD of illegally HIDING ASSETS…

    Corrupt Judges are refusing solid factual evidence on Purpose to intentionally make BAD rulings ON PURPOSE FORCING more Hearings to present the SAME EXACT evidence that they refused in the first place on purpose causing soaring legal fees on purpose to keep cases going on and on and on all on purpose to generate tons and tons and tons if income for the Family Court System .. This racketeering scheme devised by Corrupt Family Court Judges and Attorneys is all intentional to financially RAPE victims of Abuse of all their assets

    Corrupt Family Court Judges are intentionally leaving victims of abuse in poverty so they qualify for the Indigence Program. Indigent Litigants in the Family Courts get ALL their Legal Fees for FREE .. All paid for by TAX PAYER Dollars… Corrupt Family Court Judges are RULING that the Indigent Litigant is required to pay ALL the legal fees .. Including the Opposing Attorneys Legal Fees… This results in ENDLESS litigation to Abuse the Indugent Litigant while financially RAPING TAX PAYER DOLLARS who are paying for ALL the Legal FEES …

    Corrupt Family Court Judges are granting children to the ABUSERS on purpose FORCING the non custodial parent to keep hiring Family a Attorneys to get HELP

    Several Racketeering schemes have been devised by the Corrupt Family Court System to exploit families in crisis and victims of Abuse all for the sake of GREED .. Abuse for Profit Racketeering Schemes

    Corrupt Family Court Judges are aiding in illegally hiding assets by granting one spouse EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS to the estate then never holding the spouse accountable as they illegally hide assets

    Corrupt abusive spouse’s and corrupt Attorneys are allowed to lie in Court and in their filings with the Court.. Allowed and aided by Corrupt judges who are REFUSING evidence and canceling Hearings to PROVE FRAUD and hiding assets… Aiding in Fraud and Perjury if their favored litigant

    The FBI really needs to step in NOW to help battle against all this Family Court Corruption, Abuse and Racketeering that is definitely going on in the Tarrant County Family Courts of Fort Worth TEXAS

  54. i am in need of help desperately. My youngest child’s father is blatantly abusing the court system here in Maryland in an attempt to sabotage my life. How can I get this erratic behavior to stop? I have absolutely zero contact with him and he still continues to harass me. The judges catch him in lies on the stand and never hold him accountable for his perjury crime. I am tired of putting all of my money towards lawyers that are all about the dollar and not truly fighting for what is right. I would greatly appreciate any help. Thanks

  55. It is not just affluent husbands. My ex-husband’s sister and uncle are both attornies. We have been divorced for almost twelve years. He has filed another lawsuit. Five years ago he kept one child and claimed I was neglectfull and abusive. The oldest and youngest came home. Now he is after me again. How can this be legal?

  56. Ms. Ford,

    I hope this won’t sound snarky, but unfortunately it isn’t illegal to be an asshole.

    The most sobering thing I learned after passing the bar exam is that all you need to file a lawsuit is money and someone willing to take your case. The other thing I quickly learned was that “justice” is rarely found in any courtroom.

    Wishing you all the best,
    Anne Caroline

  57. Hello I had been verbally physical emotional, abusive and sexually assaulted by my husband, I failed for divorce and his retaliation are terrible and devastating, to me. he is accusing me of trying to kill him and charge me with 3 felonies, kick me out of our house, send me to mental hospital,close all our accounts and left me on the street with out caring at all, he is fabricating all this lies, and putting our 2 younger adults against me, he is using the system to hurt me and manipulating everybody, I am terrified and fear of what is going to happen. I need advise and help since my life is a nightmare right now I will appreciate your input, Thanks much Klau

  58. Klau,

    I have walked in your shoes. Sadly, most abused people are on our own. If we are very, very lucky, we live in an area that has a terrific DV shelter with fierce advocates who can and will guide us. Sometimes this help can be found at your local YWCA.

    This is why I started this blog. Everything I know so far is in my posts. They are intended to help you navigate a path that works for you by picking up bits and pieces of information of what worked for others ~ using what might work for us ~ kicking it up another notch.

    You might want to start with today’s post which reviews A Girl’s Guide to Moving On. Love yourself. Know you deserve better. Stand tall. You will get more help and support by showing the world the face of a courageous survivor than as a helpless victim.

    You are not alone. Your best help and support will come from fellow survivors.

    Wishing you all the best and sending hugs,
    Anne Caroline

  59. Pingback: Manipulation of the Legal System as an Instrument of Abuse | AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced·

  60. I am currently facing criminal charges in the state of Massachusetts to defend myself for squirting my attorney ex in the face with a water bottle in self defense. It could cost me my job, my children and I’m already out $8k to defend myself against completely baseless charges . I am running out of money and the emotional strength to fight this. I need help any ideas on how I should handle this or whom I can contact to help me?

  61. 1. I’ve been litigating the Alienation of Affection lawsuit (AOA) since 3-30-2011, costing me over $20,000 in legal fees, much time, & stress. Consequently, I’m broke & unemployed.

    Before you make assumptions, read this!!

    Dare vs Stokes (Mississippi case) shows that 3 rd party protection clause bans an AOA lawsuit; consequently; I feel my case was unnecessary, & victim of legal abuse. .

    Stokes was required to go to court & have third party protection clause removed from PSA was before suing Dr. Dare for AOA.

    In my case, the plaintiff has been able to to purse me for more than 5 years with a the 3rd party protection clause that has always been in place & upheld by the court.

    3. On 9-22-2011, a request was made to dismiss the case. The motion was’t heard until 10-28-2015. It was denied by judge for some strange reason.

    Unfortunately. I’m at disadvantage because the plaintiff & ex-husband family has legal influence in MS. He is a divorce lawyer & comes from family of lawyers & judges. Unfortunately, all the attorneys & judges in MS want favor with them because , the plaintiff ex-husband’s dad, judge.

    4. On 9-22-2011, a request was made by my Attorney for protective order. The plaintiff’s attorney failed to serve me papers for a deposition in divorce. I was called as witness. With only hours notice from phone call, I was told, i would be arrested if I didn’t show. I had to go without an attorney & maliciously prosecuted.

    5. The plaintiff has spent years trying to have the the 3rd party protection clause removed from PSA & involve me in divorce. My attorney felt it necessary to be present for their divorce hearing. Costing me!!

    The plaintiff’s attorney requested twice that I pay $30.000 & later $15,000 to settle divorce.

    Stokes vs Dare:. Dr Dare wasn’t allowed to be involved in the divorce. Like myself, Dr. Dare wasn’t named in divorce decree. The plaintiff attorney falsely stated I was a third party beneficiary in divorce.

    6. The plaintiff also stated I lived in the martial home; this is untrue. The courts assumed this statement to be true.

    7. The plaintiff summons me to appear in court multiple days. I had to take off from work, only to cancelled & rescheduled for later date. This negatively impacted my career.

    7. After completing discovery in 2011, another motion was filed by plaintiff for discovery in 2016. There has been limited contact with plaintiff’s ex-husband since the first discovery.

    8. Multiple motions were filed on behalf of Plaintiff, for enlargement time, 10-04-2011 until recent. The planitff is serial litigant & has been involved in multiple law suits with her attorney: Harbour vs Harbour; Micheal Harbour vs Clark County, et all; Harbour vs Corder.

    9. Back Ground: The plaintiff & her ex-husband have history of using the legal system as an instrument of extortion & abuse. They have long history of martial problems & violence.

    Both worked years in family law advising clients. They recreated situations to entrap 3rd party, then threaten &/ or sue for damages.

    In testimony, plaintiff’s ex-husband stated he had numerous affairs. The plaintiff h ad started an AOA lawsuit with his girlfriend, Bent, before filing my AOA lawsuit.

    Because the Harbour family has influence, Dave, the plaintiff’s ex-husband is able to stay out of trouble. He has had multiple arrest, known womanizer, & shady law practices. Consequently, many judges rescued my case.

    Stokes vs Dave Harbour & Angela Stokes. Stokes provided evidence that Dave tricked his ex-wife, Angela, into placing spy-wear on his computer to gain advance in their divorce.

    I met Dave by being paired with him in tennis tourney. He lived in small town 100 miles from my home. Dave claimed to be divorced & his friends went along with his story.

    A few weeks later, I found out Dave mislead me. He somehow found me in public place & provided a copy of divorce decree, filed in Pike county. Dave highlighted 3rd party protection clause & implied I nothing to worry about. Because he is a divorce lawyer, I believed him. However, his intent was to set up me up to pay for his divorce.

    Within 6 months I was sued for AOA. Dave made friends & influenced my attorney to work on his behalf instead of mine while I paid high legal expenses.

    Dave used the lawsuit to make himself needed. This put me in a very difficult position because my attorney advised me ” to be nice to Dave” because his legal expertise would be useful & save me money.

    This only gave Dave leverage to work against me & implicate me further into the mess.

    For example, Dave always had a crises. Without my knowledge, Dave had a court hearing for his divorce in my home town. (Curiously,the plaintiff’s lawyer was in my hometown, Madison.). She lived in Enterprise, & Dave in Summit. Both a 100 miles from Madison.

    Claiming his car wouldn’t start & in Madison. Dave ask to borrow my car. I was lead to believe it was needed to get to a court hearing for work. Reluctantly, I helped him & allowed him to borrow my car.

    Later, my attorney called furious! I’d been set up!! I was trying to “be nice” because I needed Dave to testify on my behalf & save money by helping my attorney with discovery that was due.

    “Being nice” turned into Dave stalking & breaking into my home & parents’ , damaging property & theft. Dave said I “owed” him because he was protecting me from Tina.

    My self & family called police. Unfortunately, they were unable to get there before he left. Dave has previous arrest for trespassing. I have restraining order against him.

    I was caretaker for my sick & dying parents. We were all vulnerable. The constant, unwelcome disruptions from Dave was overwhelming.

    Now, my attorney claims the Plaintiff will accept $6500 for settlement & should take it because it will cost me 5 times that amount to go to court.

    I don’t have $6500 available plus he can’t give me total amount. He said more expenses will be involved including: depositions, legal fees, court cost.

    I’m confused because why would all this be necessary for settlement agreement?

    Plus, my attorney told me to send the money as cashiers check or money order without any information like who it’s to be made out to, where to send it, & if I’ll be released without prejudice.

    Can anyone give me insite. I feel used & taken advantage off. I’m scared!!!

    I tried to fire my attorney 6 months ago when he stated we would have to do discovery again. He warned me a judgement would be bad & not eligible for bankruptcy becase of my retirement. I’m borrowing from my retirement to pay legal fees.

    He promised to settle my case for “small amount” $2000 & 6 months later, it’s up to $6500 with no definite amount. I did agree to increases because I thought I could pay settlement over tome.

    I want this over & move on with my life but it’s wiped me out.

    When I question him, he says I have rude attitude.

    Am I suffering Legal Abuse? What should I do?

  62. Thank you for this article. I have a friend going through an agonizing custody battle and divorce with a federal attorney (with a LOT of money) who is abusing the legal system in order to take her children and bury her in legal fees. She can relate to everything you describe in this post, and she chose option C.

    I was wondering if there are any resources available to help women who are in the throes of this kind of manipulative abuse, involving the legal system. There is an astonishing lack of advice on the web, which led me to believe her situation was unique, until I came across this article. Where can she turn for help????

  63. P.s. She lives in Michigan (he basically forced her to move there, away from her family and friends) and I am on the east coast. She has a 2 yo and is pregnant with his second, due any day.

    She’s smart and is doing all she can but she needs help.

  64. Stephanie,

    Thank you for being a loyal friend and advocate. Sadly, the resources your friend is seeking don’t exist for a lot of legitimate reasons. As you know, the cases are inordinately expensive, and no attorney can afford to invest the kind of hours required pro bono (free). The ones who have decided to be generous have too often ended up getting badly burned by clients who were less than forth-coming about what really went on behind closed doors. Unfortunately, this makes it exceedingly difficult for women like your friend to get the pro bono representation she needs and deserves.

    That’s the bad news. My own point of view is that our odds are better in Las Vegas than they are in a court of law. Quite frankly, hell would freeze over before I allowed any court to decide the destiny of a child I cherished. Although I was licensed to practice law in two states (maybe because I was licensed to practice law in two states), I avoid litigation at ALL costs. It is too expensive and too risky.

    My preference is to find a way to control the outcome. How? The court of public opinion. I don’t mean a media campaign. I’m talking about close friends and family members. EVERY family has a matriarch who cares deeply about the welfare of the children. My best suggestion for your friend is to engage in kitchen table justice. It will take her awhile to gather together a team of allies, but her odds will be better if family members and close friends deliver the message to her ex that he’s a jerk and he needs to knock it off for the best interest of the children.

    She will have to be pure as the driven snow to pull this off. She will need the patience of Job. She will need loyal friends with the patience and love of a saint to hear her whine incessantly and repeatedly about her pain and struggles. And, she will need tremendous faith in herself.

    In short, the most certain path is to put her angst with her ex aside (this is exceedingly difficult but absolutely necessary) and to focus exclusively on the children’s best interests. The surest route to loss of custody is to use children as pawns in a battle between ex-spouses who hate each other intensely. Courts hate it. And, no friend or family member wants to be in the middle of a brutal pissing contest. So, focus EXCLUSIVELY on what’s in the children’s best interests. Quite frankly, parents who fail to achieve this objective don’t care as much about their kids as they claim. It isn’t easy. But, the kids didn’t ask for the divorce. Good parents put aside their angst and do what’s best for the kids.

    Wishing you all the best,
    Anne Caroline

  65. I too am in a beginning of a (domestic restraining) divorce trial In California and after I paid my attorney, she No longer wants to stand up for all the things she said we were going to fight for…He (husband) Now has an Attorney and she’s letting him(husband) get away with contempt of court…he has the funds to pay the outstanding bills and alimony. ..He “aka” also has/had a NEW girlfriend (which he already had via ph records in my name)…not mentioned in the case at all. Anyway I’m lost in what to do next. I haven’t work in 5 years do to muscular Skeletor chronic pain and a few other things…. I have Googled my brains out and don’t know what steps to take next any ideas would help?~~~ sincerely J.D
    P.s. I have done all the work with getting Dr’s letters on what they saw (bruises and recommendations etc.etc etc)

  66. I am in that picture. I can show one by one the mistakes of the Supreme Court. My ex is living in a $2 million house paying $8.00 child support and is going to get 50% the benefit of the new child benefit. He has $400 layer who construct the case and still bullied me.We should met, create an e petition and push to change policies. It is not fair that they falsified documents and the judge accepted. It is necessary to change the roll of judges and to take out their eyes. Example : ample access to the banks statement and assets from first day of trial and set child and spousal support. Based in those evidences.

  67. Most people don’t realize they will not be allowed to exercise certain basic civil rights / civil liberties in family or civil court. What needs to happen is a widespread grass roots campaign aimed at changing this. Civil rights are not something any court should be allowed to pick and choose which ones are enforced and which ones are not. It’s either yes to all of them for every citizen, or nothing. Lawyers and even members of charitable organizations like the ones you mentioned may have too much invested, too much to lose, if the system changes drastically in a short amount of time, like it really needs to. Grass roots may be the only answer left.

  68. Only going off of my own personal experience for over a decade now, I would do anything to stop people like my ex-husband that manipulate anything and everything if need be foe their own benefit and welfare. Not taking into consideration all others who are effected by this. Nor our own childrens livelihood, now and in the future. Every attempt I have made regarding my personal “case” has always been ended abruptly. From the first altercation of my ex-husband and I to the way he ended up with custody of our two daughters. None of which he has had to stand accountable for. Three ex-wives, all received physical, mental and emotional abuse, two stepsons, and two daughters. Is there any justice for us? And if so just point me in the right direction. He has received no arrests, restitution obligations or convictions of any kind. Any record of incidents have either been misplaced, not available now, or incomplete etc. I only know what this level of mind games and control has done to a few people. Could you imagine if someone on a much larger scale utilized the things my ex-husband has?

  69. I remember when I first came across this site. I was naive in believing I would find someone to help. My name was turned to mud after my ex and my eldest child not by him. Went around to the people who knew of how bad the ex is. My best friend who was apart of helping me was threatened with losing her child by the same unethical lawyer my ex used.
    After so many people believing the ex due to his ability to be Mr. Charm. And be a multi millionaire. I finally found myself failing in other areas.
    For people in California are doing some amazing things. They are focusing on one State at a time.
    I suggest Joan Meire at D. V. Leap.

    I’m in Texas. One girl I know has been fighting as an attorney on her own for 6 out of the 7 years for her child.
    She’s an awesome Lil firecracker. If your in Austin, she’s got reasonable rates, and actually hoping to be a member of the legislature. She might be able to do other Texas Cities. Look up Brandi Stokes in Austin.

    There’s thousands of groups. I’ve not had any luck. I found out why. And in due time I’ll reveal the other dirty stuff that’s been allowed.

    But Anne’s great at book suggestions.

    My eyes were opened. In shock.

    Keep strong. Don’t let them go unnoticed. This is an election year.
    Scream at these people.

  70. Anne Caroline,
    Congratulations. I always wondered what to do with my experience and I congratulate you for doing something to help others.
    I found a lot of clients of certain lawyer in this comments. Getting together and filing a complaint against her specifically? If there is a number of cases with this specific lawyer, is that sufficient evidence to show her practices?
    Any way, she is not representing my ex.
    Someone that sounds just like her though, I wish I had found other people with that name.
    I have spent over 150k from friends and family to answer his paperwork and it seemed my case hasn’t advanced a bit. The money is gone, there is no more to continue, and my lawyers stopped answering until a pay a pending 10k.
    I will not stop until I get them back. My little one was under a year when this happened. I still see them, but him and his lawyers where savvy enough to limit many things and they continue to ask for more. He was an absent father, working until 9 pm. Now he has his mother home and he hired housekeepers.

    I am looking for something a little specific.

    I know every case is different. I am looking for specific knowledge of LAWS (names or article numbers) that are violated when wrongfully accusing, intimidation, blackmailing my family, using the system for personal gain, etc.
    I liked:

    Lawyers Oath for when the pass the bar exam. It says. “We will do the best for our clients ” or as stated in Texas Code…#(3) (discharge the attorney’s duty to his client to the best of the attorney’s ability.)
    That is what’s on the Texas State Bar Website. Ignoring upholding the Constitution of the U.S

    I need more.

    If anyone can help, I appreciate it in so many ways.

  71. Great article , l completely agree. My iranian abusive ex husband hired a top attorney know to take away kids from great moms. He is rich and has commercial real estate property , and l was a workig middle class. I am heartbroken and and can do nothing due to my financial limitations. The child is now 13 and he took when she was 12 over a year ago already and it all started with false allegations. It told me 6months to be able to see her after investigations and this is abuse. When l saw her , she was telling me that l did not love her , inspite of everything he took her again now. Corrupted attorneys, GAL , and psychologist , like a conspiracy. I am heartbroken

  72. Great article , l completely agree. My iranian abusive ex husband hired a top attorney know to take away kids from great moms. He is rich and has commercial real estate property , and l was a workig middle class. I am heartbroken and and can do nothing due to my financial limitations. The child is now 13 and he took when she was 12 over a year ago already and it all started with false allegations. It told me 6months to be able to see her after investigations and this is abuse. When l saw her , she was telling me that l did not love her , inspite of everything he took her again now. Corrupted attorneys, GAL , and psychologist , like a conspiracy. I am heartbroken. I.was also threartened.

  73. I am in this situation and feel hopeless because he has the money. These attorneys feed on this at the expense of the children. Can anyone help. Does anyone care.

  74. Anne Caroline, thank you for expressing this form of abuse so eloquently. I thought we were alone. My granddaughter is suffering at the hands of her wealthy father who so enjoys this “game”. Do you know of a support network in Australia? There is no justice and absolutely it is NOT about the best interest of the child, it is all about money and power and legally sanctioned emotional abuse.

  75. This is a reply for anyone who wants to try somethings that were recommend years ago to me.

    If your interested in trying to bring all this to the front in a grassroots movement.
    Please email me at:

  76. Amelia,

    Folks in Australia deal with issues surrounding domestic violence far better than they do here in the United States. I am vaguely aware of Australian activists, but I sadly don’t know anyone who focuses on this issue.

    Quite frankly, the groups here in the US tend to be more self-destructive than helpful to each other. There are a few exceptions, but I have yet to encounter anyone with a sure-fire solution.

    As a retired attorney, I always caution people to avoid the court room and to settle out-of-court where we can maintain control of the outcome. Kids are way too precious to gamble on an outcome in court, and the battle is inordinately expensive.

    Therefore, my suggestion is to take a route which I dub “the court of public opinion” which I think delivers better true justice and best interests of the children than any court of law. What do I mean? Family members often don’t want to be drawn into the drama of spouses who now hate each other. However, these same folks often care passionately about the best interest of the families’ next generation. It is a common ground where people with calm personalities and pure hearts can meet and agree on what is truly best for the children. These same folks have unbelievable power to enforce their judgments.

    Of course, the trick is to be very selective on who is allowed to join this team. You want people who genuinely care about the children and who can see that taking sides in the parent’s divorce doesn’t serve the children well. In other words, you want people who don’t see the children as weapons in a war.

    This avenue requires a great deal of determination, patience, and love. It isn’t always possible, but you might just know someone on the father’s side of the family who cares as much about your precious granddaughter as you do. . .somebody as weary of his games as you are. . .somebody who wants to get it right with the next generation.

    In the meantime, your granddaughter will love you for your concern and protective spirit forever. Thank you and bless you,
    Anne Caroline

  77. Interesting reading… the laws of the State of California are heavily biased in favor of women seeking divorce. The system is far too easy too manipulate. There are so many cases of actual ongoing domestic abuse in marriages that courts are either unable or unwilling to look hard into those cases where the women are actually manipulating the legal process to garner a desired outcome at tremendous expense to the man. A man or woman is subject to such great loss during the divorce process that it really needs to be revised. The effort to protect womankind in California has swung the pendulum from the desired equitable middle to the controlling interest of a vindictive female. The courts really don’t care; divorce is highly profitable for the judiciary system and if one is not careful it can also become another mechanism to fill the jails (another profit-generating system).
    I am a man who was ignorant to “the game” married to a mean-spirited woman well-versed in “the game” and as she planned her divorce strategy over several years it was executed in such a manner as to give her the appearance of a long-suffering victim of an abusive relationship. She wasn’t. She was a crafty opportunist that used the system completely to her advantage and without mercy. “Why settle for half when you can have it all?” was what she would boldly state. Do to my inability to properly cope with the process during the execution of her divorce strategy it is very likely that she will have her way.

  78. I would like help from anyone who knows how to stop an ex husband from using the court system to abuse me. How is it possible for someone to be allowed to manipulate and inflict financial hardship. Why aren’t judges aware of this? Why don’t they care and how to make them care? What needs to happen for them to see the pattern? This type of behavior and abuse is known, how can it be stopped and published?


    Jessica A.

  79. My personal opinion. And I haven’t finished yet;

    Take day by day; proving who you are. If there are lies involved; nothing better to prove that the PRESENT; who you are, trying to be the best of you.

    Time and patience; not one judge could ignore the truth if you are who you say you are and not wrongfully accused.

    If there are children involved; think only about them, from the bottom of your heart, because they are the ones that really matter.

    Get counseling to get all off your chest with a psicologist or even a friend other than with you ex. (He will use anything you write/say)
    Everything should fall into place, sooner or later; if their lawyers can’t find anything against you, they will become more desperate each time and you will. need to be very calm and healthy.
    Good luck.

  80. Please don’t take this wrong but I’m in my 5 year of legal abuse.Mine is a terrible Hell yet I keep getting questions about resources for women. All the resources from the government go to females including Domestic Violence! Did you know that most DV more then half approx.. 54% is committed against the male! Personally I believe it’s higher then that. I believe the best advice I could give you is to contact Dr.Karin Huffer, or her website on Legal Abuse Syndrome. Just put Legal Abuse Syndrome in your search and you will find her.
    I wish you well Good Luck
    Legal Abuse Victim Randy Newnum Sr

  81. Oh, Randy. Did you take the time to read the other comments on this post?

    You are delusional if you think any viable resources are available to women. Over 720K people from around the world wouldn’t have desperately come to this site looking for help if they did. I’m an old woman who doesn’t get paid and doesn’t have staff.

    You are also delusional if you believe that crazy 54% stat. This figure obviously includes cases in which the woman engaged in self-defense.

    Your comment suggests that you are far more invested in winning the battle with the mother of your children than you are in your children’s best interests. Grow the hell up and be the father that your children need and deserve. You once loved their mother enough to create those children. You both owe it to them to work it out like adults.

    Judges don’t tend to award custody to any parent who is so immature that they use their children as ammunition in a long-standing battle.

    Anne Caroline

  82. Hi Anne,

    I actually discovered your site while researching a similar scenario that I am sure a lot find themselves in. I think it really is important to note that abuse is not gender specific in its targets. I think it really is important that those that are victims stand together, because only together can people make a change in society.

    In my case, I found out the hard way that Lawyers not only fuel fires but in fact in my case are prepared to break laws to further their clients needs and wants.

    Too be honest, I have been involved in a fight that has lasted 5 years, it was never a fight between myself and my ex-wife, it was a fight to survive due to a law firm drawing and concealing up a document that withheld Marital rights, which then involved my right to be a father when the same law firm became involved in custody matters.

    My ex-wife was told by her lawyer, she had two choices, be nice or be a B$&@h (true story). Then came a barrage of newly found abuse which included gas lighting (nasty stuff).

    I have had to use every arsenal in my toolbox such as violations of basic human rights through to being cruel,inhuman punishment.

    I wish everybody the best that encounters these scenarios but would also just state that lawyers are not above the law. No offence there Anne, as this is not a generalised comment, not all people are abusive and likewise not all lawyers are bent, it’s just hard to find good lawyers when dealing in such a scenario.

    Like yourself I am developing a website to help out persons that are effected, sadly this will be gender specific (only by name), only due to what I find to be a lack of support for males in my region.

    What I would really love to see is a mass of applications being presented to the United Nations, to make changes to society, that will hold accountable these criminal behaviours of hired thugs that practice under the pretence of administering law.

    Let’s all stand together to make a difference to the world our children grow up in.

  83. Anne Caroline,

    I know I replied to this post already but I really can’t find any help anymore. No matter were I turn, even if its on Domestic violence issues they need you to have physical proof. I have endless examples of how emotionally abused I was and my silence during the divorce was to avoid having my children hurt or more confused. He knows how to use the legal system to continue to abuse me and a year later I still continue to feel my life revolves around him. Who can I go for help? it appears everyone only helps when one is destitute or homeless. What if I want a shot at happiness and growth? why is everyone bringing me down?
    I feel he needs to be exposed and all those lawyers who refuse to do the right thing. How can I be heard? He is breaking me financially and emotionally and I don’t want to fight. I want to move on, going back to school, working for my own things, and teaching my children that life can go on after a divorce. Who can stand up to his anger towards me and make him stop trying to destroy me. He doesn’t realize the harm he does to his own children. Every day I open my e-mail there is either an expensive letter that needs to be answered by my lawyer or a motion that is pending. How can I expose his past behaviors of cheating, lying, stealing and fraudulent activities. He has a 50,000 irs lawyer, he has turned his business partner against me among other friends we had all with the pretense of his “pain” he told everyone I cheated. I didn’t think much of it, because it’s not true. He was the one cheating with my son’s friends sister 20 years younger than him and now engaged to her. He was the one lying and hiding money. People have judged me based on his accusations some has slowly seen the truth. Where can I start? I just want a fair trial. I gave everything up thinking, I would get my freedom and peace but it was useless.

    Thank you,

    Jessica A.

  84. Jessica,

    The help and justice that you are seeking won’t be found in any courtroom. Courts can’t stop your ex-husband from being an asshole. It’s sad, but it is true.

    Over the past 24 years, I have slowly come to the realization that we are on our own. I don’t know anybody who got real help from a domestic violence agency, and that is why I started this site.

    The person who is going to save you is the one you see every morning in the mirror: YOU. Does this suck? Oh, hell yes! However, you will come out the other side feeling more empowered if you take on the challenge. Start with what do you really, really, really want? Your comment suggests that you want to move on with your life AND you want your husband to pay for his crimes. It isn’t possible to achieve both goals simultaneously. Millions of women have tried, and I don’t know one who has succeeded.

    My suggestion is that you read Tina Turner’s autobiography. She inspired me to walk away and leverage my talents to secure a better life for myself. Everybody’s heard of Tina Turner, but nobody remembers Ike. This is how she got the justice you seek.

    Wishing you all the best,
    Anne Caroline

  85. Can anyone please help me my son is going through this manipulation of the legal system and has been for some time. Someone please help. Gangs are all around him and I am definitely afraid for his safety. He’s already had his arm slammed in the door. He’s at Raleigh Central prison in Raleigh, NC. He’s been incarcerated since March 21, 2016 on a charge where they have no evidence and should have been dismissed for a while back. His court appointed attorney is useless and I know that is part of the problem but I did not have the monies to hire him a good attorney. Thank you so much for any help.

  86. Jan,

    My suggestion is that you go to one of the legal clinics at either Duke’s or UNC’s law schools. Also, I suggest that you dig more deeply into the abundant resources available on this site. You should find the name of someone I highly respect in Raleigh. It isn’t her job to help you, but she might if you prove to her via your own due diligence that you and your son are worthy of her commitment of exceedingly valuable time and efforts.

    Good luck,
    Anne Caroline

  87. Thanks very much for your comment. Do you know of someone I can contact in Raleigh. Everybody I have ever called have redirected me back to my son’s attorney and as I said earler he’s no help. Thanks for your help.

  88. Thanks Anne for your comments. I have called Raleigh and they continue to refer me back to my son’s attorney who I told you was no help. Do you know of someone you can recommend in Raleigh? Thanks for your help!!

    Do you know of someone you can recommend in Raleigh? Thanks for your help!!


  89. Jan,

    I have told you about three places where you might find help, but it doesn’t appear you are willing to do minimal research to help your son. This tells me that you don’t appreciate the enormity of the favor you are asking a complete stranger to do for you, and I suspect this is why the folks in Raleigh have referred you back to your son’s attorney.

    Anne Caroline

  90. There are so many people asking for help in the family courts. So much that the few who are out there in the trenches as we speak. Have shared that it’s the parents who come to them without being overly excited, have done most due diligence, AND recommended by someone else in the network as to whether or not they believe the parents intentions are FOR THE CHILD. Even with all this. It’s slim to none due to political food chains. The system is really in need of a rehaul. And it takes voters.

  91. I really did not need that kind of comment. My husband passed away it will be 2 years this April 1st. I never said to YOU that I was not going to do either one of these so I don’t really think that you’re a MIND reader, I know not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  92. Obviously there is no help and no need for me to even try to exsplane what is and has been done to me because the legal system is so viruses as well as everyone in it,its not the system,it can’t work if not used properly just like anything else government,lawenfforcment,and you wind up having to battle against them all trying to see or achieve justice that’s impossible to,and end up devowered by the lies and dishonesty,i just went through a jury trial with I had to defend myself because I live far bellow the poverty line.t he way the other side who all sat in the court room listening to each other’s testimony and still couldn’t agree,and what was stated happened impossible to ,has anyone out there ever seen a slower object pass an object moving faster,me either,or catch up to an object one or two numbers at least ahead of the other object the way they told it and claim it happened they had no evidence even to show what they claimed I had pictures that show it could not be as they say,yet was found guilty,i wanted to appeal it but don’t know how I tried to get the papers to but all I could get from them was a paper that they said wasn’t the right paper but would work that sure made it less confusing and impossible for me I went back the next time they gave me a blank price of paper with the case number on it.icant find anyone to help me,and I’ve called more places than I can count,i have one more day to get it done I went in asking if I could get an exstintion on the time limit I got no answer or any were just the blank price of paper.they sent my fine on it 100 fine 35.18 surcharge 35 court cost and then total owed 230.18,i must not have learned how to add right in school cause I only come up with 170.18 what’s the rest for coffee and donuts in the brake room were they sit and figure out how there going to put it to you?or did I add it wrong that all the numbers on it excuses me 60 extra for I can’t make ends meet now and one day left to do something I know nothing about and 30 days to give money I don’t have.this has happened to me time and time again creating a faulse record on me that for everything I ever did do one drunk driving and one urinating in public such was behind a building were Boone could see you anyway and I had to pee badly no toilet near. What would you do,ive had crimes commited against me and me charged and convicted I have one of them yet to face were I was assaulted at my own home by three others went to hospital with life treating ijories,not even spoke to only charged,i was in hospital 6 days 3 in critical care these people have cost me over 15,000 in last going on 7 years and allowed to and covered for when done the way I’ve and am for Ed to is not living it hell sometimes I wish I would just did I know I’m going to have I’ve been dead before and was there once many years ago but I was sent back ,when no way I should have services no one would have and I was very young and small a whale would not have services what I did,impossible yet here I am and why because I was treated very badly way back then it’s never ended I was six then im 62 know my life has been nothing but hell a living nitemare,im just about drained of will to want to live.i should have a lot I’ve worked very hard and tried harder to all honest only to be best to death by dishonesty of it all,it is insane exspesaily cause of who is doing it to me,it do t matter Boone cares or going to even lift a finger let alone anything else but watch the Lions eat you alive bit by bit bite by bite sure such a beautiful world we living so full of ugliness,s madness I’m an expert happiness I’m clueless maybe next time they will succeed I went into a quit respiratory failure last time maybe next time they will be nice and just cut my heart out or what is left of trying to battle and fix it right sadly you can’ all I can do is just take it cause I’m a good person although there are to many times I wish I wasn’t.all I can say to anyone is enjoy what is going on in this country brings and is coming they will have been the death of me befor that how long befor I can’t say depends on how much longer I service I’ve been in that mode for a long time one thing I’m sure of its much closer than I probbly even realize because I know I’m not an isolated incident or victims of it.tolate is just that I’ve tried this will be the last stand of me I have nothing left and gave it all I had but couldn’t get any help from anyone ,there all afraid they will be terrified later and not by me I’ll be in heaven watching not doing a dam thing to help anyone just like I was given,i could have with help and support without bloodshed,ill not create any I was trying to stop and prevent it, but I couldn’t do it alone Boone can to much power and coming from .one person’s much to easy to crush. God’s speed to all you will need it.

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