Kate’s Couch Session Two: Are You a Queen?


In the midst of a PTSD episode, we often feel abject powerlessness.  Everyone seems to have control of our destiny but us.  How do we effectively ask for help. . .especially when our life’s pattern is that nobody shows up?

Last week I was at a domestic violence event.  The host remarked about human nature:  people will abdicate their responsibility to render assistance unless they believe we might perish absent their swift intervention.  It sent a chill down my back.

So, what do we do to motivate folks to step up to the plate when our lives are in crisis?

My therapist Kate has an amazingly extensive bag of tricks.  For example, she can glide effortlessly from uber-intellectual concept to tarot cards to make a point.

She suggested I approach folks within the system who are being paid to help me like the Queen of Swords.  Huh?

Look at the card.  You probably didn’t know that tarot cards were devised to keep religious messages alive for illiterate people during various periods of religious persecution.  Each card is all about faith and empowerment.

The Queen of Swords conveys one of four aspects of a fully empowered woman.  She wields a sword with one hand while her other hand beckons.

I still didn’t get it.  So, Kate got down and dirty with hand gestures and a wicked smile on her face:

You swing the sword around in the air to terrify the hell out of them.  At the same time, you tickle their balls like a seductress.  They won’t know what hit them.  A part of them will be terrified of you and the other part will be drawn into your realm.

Quite frankly, I thought she was a bit crazy or nuts.  But, I tried it.  And, it worked like a charm.

Recommended reading:  Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts:  Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World by Regena Thomashauer

4 responses to “Kate’s Couch Session Two: Are You a Queen?

  1. Good question. If we try to intimidate people with brute strength, they will be defensive and on-guard and in the mood to do battle with us rather than become our allies. However, if we charm people and invite them to join our cause with an inducement that is mutually attractive, we are more likely to persuade someone to help us. In the process, we must not ever surrender our own power to another.

    In other words, people are more likely to sign on to an endeavor in which they see potential for a win-win victory. People who are “poor me” victims never get real help. They attract people who have a rescue dynamic and both people get caught up in a dysfunctional dance that doesn’t work out well for either party.

    Healthy people seek out people who they believe can and will win. Weak people seek out people who are weak. We become strong when we hang out with truly strong people. And, strength does not entail brutality.

  2. That’s powerful. Thank you for the explanation. One more thing: could you give me a real life scenario to make this very, very practical?

  3. Yana, the way you posed your questions is exactly what I’m talking about.

    You read the article and asked a pair of solid questions. This tells me that you are learning and growing and are well on your way to where you want to go. You might be facing challenges which seem daunting right now, but behaving like the Queen of Swords will give you the confidence to move forward to conquer whatever is in front of you.

    Our confidence grows as we take on these challenges and master them. Nobody masters anything the first time we try. We achieve mastery bit by bit. My sense is that you are smarter than you give yourself credit for being. But, somebody probably conditioned you to believe that you need to be perfect at everything out of the gate. This is bullshit. Nobody’s perfect ~ especially most of our critics. Quite frankly, most critics are people who can’t do it themselves. They criticize others to help themselves feel less impotent.

    Good luck!
    Anne Caroline

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