Comments on: Survivors’ Network: Silent No More!

By: Anne Caroline Drake

Anne Caroline Drake — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 20:23:27 +0000

Go immediately to the Crystal Judson Family Justice Center in Tacoma and do NOT leave until they help you. You may have to look people in the eye and say, “look, asshole, I don’t want to be another Crystal. . .do. . .you. . .get. . .that???” Crystal Judson Brame was walking in your shoes ~ nobody being PAID to help her had the strength of character or integrity to do it. Her estranged husband was the Tacoma Chief of Police. He shot her in front of their kids and then shot himself.

Her father got funding for that shelter so that no other woman would have to go begging for help and come away empty. Rep. Dave Reichert helped secure that funding because he’s been where your kids are. So, do NOT leave until they help you. If they refuse to help you, call Reichert’s campaign office.

The Judson Center should help you get into the Address Confidentiality Program (ACP) which is fantastic. Don’t stress out about the order of protection. It’s just a piece of paper that gives the cops a short list of suspects if something happens to you. The courts in Pierce County absolutely, positively suck at protecting people from DV. Even if you could afford a lawyer, it probably wouldn’t alter the outcome in court.

You are going to have to move to join the ACP. My suggestion is that you get the hell out of Pierce County. Kathy Lambert on the King County Council kicks serious butt for domestic violence survivors. If you need funding for housing, ask the folks at the Judson Center how you can get a housing voucher ~ Shelter + Care can give you housing assistance that is much like Section 8 ~ except ~ landlords are way more willing to accept it. Catholic Charities frequently helps women with children.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have the time, energy, or resources to help individual people. I don’t even have transportation to get to you.

You’ve survived for 8 years because you must be resourceful and diligent. You will need those qualities in abundance. However, if you go in with a “poor me” control drama, you won’t get anywhere. Agencies are more inclined to help those who demonstrate a willingness to help themselves. You won’t be rescued, but you can get access to the resources that you need.

In closing, food banks suck. They are essentially garbage pails for grocery stores. I got so pissed off about the garbage I got at a local pantry that I took it directly to Jesse Jones at one of KING5′s food bank drives. He almost retched into my bag. But, KING5 still conspires in the fraud.

I hope these suggestions will help you. I have shared with you my best advice, and I know from personal experience that the system doesn’t always operate the way it should. You know this, but I feel I need to reinforce that you need to listen to your instincts. You really need to get the hell out of where you are and get to a place where he can’t find you. It isn’t easy. It isn’t cheap. It isn’t fun. Your kids need for you to be the best you can be. Remember this. Your kids need you.

God bless,
Anne Caroline

By: INEEDHELP

INEEDHELP — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:26:27 +0000

I am in desperate need of help. I have a civilian temporary restraining oderr and a military protection order against my husband (who is active duty military). He has continued to stalk and harrass me and even has other people stalking me. The hearing for the protection order is on the 31st (monday) and I have no lawyer. He has an aggressive one. The military will not help me, I opened an investigation with MPI because of the protection order violations and they found it unsubstantiated. Him and 2 members of his chain of command forcefully entered my home and left it in shambles. I took pictures, and the SGT MAJ of the mp battalion told me it was my word against theirs and insinuated I did that to my own home. I am grateful my children were in school at the time. I have spoken with multiple lawyers and no one will take my case because I dont have the money. I have a job and would be able to do a payment plan but they all want $ upfront.The food bank gave me moldy food and I had to go to AER to get money for food and gas. I have been trying to get away from him for almost 8 years. He has been deployed 5 times and I am going to lose the protection order on monday if I cant get help. I am terrified for myself and my kids. If you can help me, please please PLEASE call my cell phone. 253-678-8617 Two five three six seven eight eight six one seven.

By: Anne Caroline Drake

Anne Caroline Drake — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:30:08 +0000

Bravo, Vernetta!

You’ve had a very powerful voice to end the silence ~ especially about litigation abuse. My heart grieves for the loss you suffered, and I admire greatly what you have done to make a difference for others.

May you be blessed abundantly,
Anne Caroline

By: Vernetta Cockerham

Vernetta Cockerham — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 22:21:24 +0000

Silent No More!!
I cannot stand when a Judge says “We will continue this case until….. and the parent has already spent months without there child/children. There has GOT to be a time limit on this, 30 days here, 30days there… It is not right. I know fore my children were taken from me after the death of my child, after I had obtain a DV50B order, I was told that the death of my daughter of 17 was my fault. MINE. So Please hear our cry, for we do everyday miss our children when they are not with us. “it is damaging” for both sides. Makes me want to get my COW BELL and request a MOOOOOOVE…. for we as a nation have screamed out. Now I just want to make some NOISE……
Have a Blessed day.
Vernetta Cockerham
Domestic Violence Advocate for Social Change.

By: Anne Caroline Drake

Anne Caroline Drake — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 06:39:00 +0000

Heather,

I’ve never received an e-mail from you. I’m not an advocacy group, and I don’t have the resources to help individual people.

It is difficult to get the military to admit domestic violence is an issue. However, there are individuals at every military base who are being PAID to help and protect your friend. Yes, they can demonstrate callous indifference.

My suggestion is that you go with your friend to the base to see this person. Stare them down until they start doing their damned job.

Also, if you are in a city on the Saving Promise tour (click on the butterfly on my blog roll), I encourage you to go to the rally and connect with other survivors. This is how we can change the system. We have to speak up. We have to hold people accountable. And, we need to stick together. When we reach critical mass (too many for them to ignore), newspapers will start carrying our stories, and the military won’t dare ignore your friend. Sadly, we aren’t there yet.

Sending hugs,
Anne Caroline

By: Heather Powers

Heather Powers — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 19:52:33 +0000

I sent you a very detailed e-mail regarding my friend who is in the middle of a custody battle with her pedophile ex-husband and I have never received a response. It has been about two weeks now. I understand you are a busy person, but someone running a group such as this should know what it would have meant to get some sort of response from you. I am so disappointed. I have sent e-mail after e-mail to newspapers and news programs with no response obviously, but to not receive one from an advocacy group is appaulling. Actually, one reporter did respond to me and said he would look into my friend’s story because her ex-husband is an active duty member of the millitary so this also involves a miltary cover-up of the early abuse allegations.

By: Anne Caroline Drake

Anne Caroline Drake — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 20:54:37 +0000

KB, I’ve noticed that you posted two comments, but I’m not seeing your e-mail address on either comment.

Perhaps what you are seeing is a box that automatically pops up as a convenience when you click on the “comments” button. Before you can post a comment, WordPress requires people to include an e-mail address. The logic is that it cuts down on cyber-bullying and “flaming” if people have to identify themselves via an e-mail address before they can submit a comment.

After you’ve left a comment on a site, the box gets filled out automatically so you don’t have to submit the information in again each time you want to leave a comment.

I hope this makes sense. If you are seeing your e-mail address anywhere on my site, please let me know. I will remove it immediately. Nobody needs their e-mail address on the Internet.

Sending hugs,
Anne Caroline

By: kb

kb — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 20:06:10 +0000

I submitted a post and am not sure if it was sent, but my information, including my email address is still displayed on your site.

By: Anne Caroline Drake

Anne Caroline Drake — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 08:05:20 +0000

Thanks, KB. Did you happen to notice the Saving Promise butterfly? Click on it to see if L.Y. Marlow will be holding a rally near you. She launched her road tour last weekend in D.C.

I’m glad you found my little site too. Next week I’m going to start posting more stories of people who have successfully survived and gone on to thrive and find joy and success.

Sending hugs,
Anne Caroline

By: kb

kb — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 02:34:47 +0000

I am so happy to find your site and so grateful for all that you are doing to stop the abusive treatment of women. We are fifty percent of the population and yet we suffer ninety percent of the abuse. In many cases you can use drugs and go to prison longer than if you commit rape.

But it is the everyday violence and violation of our humanity that is the most disturbing. Men lie, manipulate and defraud us out of our time, energies, money, bodies, support and human dignity. No one has a right to do this.

The only way to stop this abuse is to tell the truth of our lives. Secrecy is the weapon of abuse. It is time for all women (and men) to stand up and stand against violence, fraud and abuse.

Knowledge is power………and I look forward to learning more and helping make a difference!