V.P. Joe and Dr. Jill Biden

- V.P. Joe Biden

Yesterday one of my dearest friends lost a loved one to suicide.  One of my neighbors had a seizure outside my apartment while I was writing yesterday’s post.  He is fighting for his life at Harborview.  Someone left a comment about the grief her family was experiencing because her brother-in-law convinced the police that his wife’s death was suicide.  She knows her sister didn’t kill herself, and it is breaking her heart that her former brother-in-law probably got away with murder.

Life is precious, and it can be gone in the blink of an eye.  We often can’t know the searing pain someone is feeling because we aren’t walking in their shoes.  Still, we want to find words to comfort them rather than have them feeling like we are well-intentioned yet horridly misguided and perhaps even insensitive.  How can we express sympathy with empathy?

ABC News reported last night on Vice President Joe Biden’s extemporaneous reflections on grief to the families of slain soldiers.  He went off-message to share his experiences after the sudden loss of his first wife and daughter in a car accident at Christmas:

And just like you guys know by the tone of a phone call — you just knew, didn’t you? You knew when they walked up the path. You knew when the call came. You knew. You just felt it in your bones something bad happened.  And I knew. I don’t know how I knew. But the call said my wife was dead, my daughter was dead, and I wasn’t sure how my sons were going to make it.

. . .black hole you feel in your chest, like you’re being sucked back into it. . .gets controllable. . .folks, it can and will get better. . .

There will come a day, I promise you. . .when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye.   It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner or later. But the only thing I have more experience than you in is this: I’m telling you it will come.

Ben Hunnel, Joan Waitt, Cindy Waitt, Ted Waitt, and Marcia Waitt

Memorial Day has been gradually morphing from a celebration of war to a celebration of loved ones who are no longer with us.  Cindy Waitt at the Waitt Foundation  is writing a blog about the loves of our lives.  The Waitt Foundation is a leader in preventing domestic violence, and I am beyond intrigued that Ms. Waitt has launched this project:

Much of my work in this lifetime centers on how to create a more peaceful world by preventing violence before it starts.  The flip side of violence, I think, is love.  Though we hear “the love of your life”…and hear it alot, I think the tale less told is “the loves of your life”.

I’m gathering feedback from women and men about that here and I hope you’ll join me.

Ms. Waitt is wickedly funny and wise.  Her first installment “Dating is a process of elimination” made me laugh out loud and brought stinging tears to my eyes.  It’s been 20 years since I’ve been on a date.  Like many abuse survivors, I’m beyond terrified that I’ll pick Mr. Really Wrong again.  However, I’m reading all these articles and statistics about how happily married people live better quality lives and have better health.  So, I’ve decided it is time to get fit and healthy and open my heart to love again.

To this end, I have added a Journey 2 Joy blogroll.

Lovebirds shared by Julie Owens

Peace on Earth Starts at Home

Why do we too often wait to celebrate someone’s life until after they are gone?  My late, great auntie Mame taught me to show people how much we love them every day.  She helped me understand that peace on earth starts at home.  She celebrated life and love with tremendous passion and enthusiasm.  Her summer home on the shores of Lake Michigan in South Haven, Michigan was my favorite retreat.  The sound of the waves crashing on the shore is the absolute best antidote to stress.

Mrs. Hal David, Pres. Barack Obama, and Burt Bacharach

What the World Needs Now Is Love, Sweet Love

Burt Bacharach and Hal David recently won the Gershwin Prize for their lifetime achievement.   The songs performed during the PBS documentary at the White House brought back memories of a time when our world was filled with hope, optimism, and love.  I think we all need more love.  Love helps us find winning solutions.  Love helps us weather the storms of life.  Love fills our hearts with joy and makes life worth living.  I hope the lyrics from their song “What the World Needs Now Is Love” will inspire you.

Hurricane Ridge overlooking the Strait of San Juan de Fuca

Purple Haze lavender

Mock Hydrangea

Today began dreary and drippy.  By noon, the sun was shining and everyone was giddy with joy. I decided to capture Ma Nature in all her glory in photos.

Fire Station Rainbow

When I walked out of the restaurant after lunch, I stumbled upon this brief yet glorious rainbow created by firemen flushing their hoses.

Urban rhododendron

I saw these lovely urban rhoddies a few days ago when I didn’t have my camera.

My own favorite treasures are my bleeding heart from Flower World and my lace cap hydrangea.

Bleeding Heart

The bleeding heart is an indoor plant that loves being outside during the summer in a sheltered spot.

Lace Cap Hydrangea

Hydrangeas typically look like snowballs. The lace cap hydrangea looks like a romantically feminine lady’s hat with delicate blooms around the rim and tiny buds in the center. I haunted nurseries for weeks to find this beauty.

The day ended with a rare gorgeous sunset.

Ring of Fire solar eclipse in Seattle

A Boeing engineer with a wicked sense of humor captured a photo of the exciting Ring of Fire solar eclipse at Boeing Field in Seattle.  The next photos are what the rest of the world got to see.

Ring of Fire solar eclipse in China

Ring of Fire solar eclipse in Los Angeles, CA

Ring of Fire solar eclipse in Manila

It’s a myth that Seattle gets a lot of rain. We do, however, have more than our fair share of gloomy days. It helps to have a sense of humor.  Thanks, Elena, for sharing this terrific joke.

Tyler Perry as Madea with her cast-iron skillet

Y’all know I’m a huge Tyler Perry fan.  Through his iconic character Madea, he is trying to teach women to become emPOWERed ~ to stand tall for ourselves ~ to develop an AT-tit-TUDE.  In this classic photo, she’s got her cast-iron skillet out to teach her granddaughters how to say, “hell to the NO!”

If you don’t believe there’s a War on Women going on, I want you to unsubscribe right now.  We aren’t going to be getting along in the next few months.  Ditto for anybody who doesn’t have enough sense to find out where a candidate stands ~ not what they say ~ what they DO ~ on the issue of violence against women and children.  Double ditto for anybody who isn’t registered to vote.  Triple ditto for those of you who don’t vote.

Shared by Cynthia Stockton

Do not even think of whining about your own fate if you aren’t personally doing your part to ensure that democracy means that we women have an equal right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Old broads like me are getting ready to retire, and we won’t be carrying the load for you anymore.

It is abundantly obvious that we women need to launch a Madea-styled “hell to the NO!” campaign.  The statistics that we see say that 25% of women have experienced domestic violence.  The reality according to Group Health is more like 44%; other research indicates it could be as high as 54%.  It’s time for us to stop being silently pissed off ~ bitching to our Facebook friends ~ hoping somebody else will bring about change.  It is time for us to yell “hell to the NO!” in forums where change happens.

We are one of the largest voting blocks in the country, yet we haven’t done shit to exercise our political power.  It’s time to get off our butts and demand change.

Are you in?

This tree with its twisted trunk stands where the Pacific Ocean meets the Strait of San Juan de Fuca, which divides the US and Canada.  I wanted to visit Neah Bay because Sir Francis Drake had sailed there in his futile quest to find the Northwest Passage.

Shortly after the man I loved deeply proved to me that he could kill me and get away with it, I visited Little Whale Cove in Oregon where Sir Francis Drake allegedly decided to sail the Pacific.  He had no map.  Navigation was in its infancy.  Sailors had only the stars to guide them home.  They had to rely on their skills, their faith, and the competency of their crew.

I realized that I would have opted to stay in San Francisco.  The Miwock Indians loved and honored him.  San Francisco is now one of the coolest cities in the US.  Everybody loves the Golden Gate Bridge.

Crossing Bridges from Fear to Faith

The other thing I realized was that I had Sir Francis Drake’s faith and courage in my own genes.  He wanted to sail home to England.  I wanted to live in a safe home.  We both have been required to navigate some vast uncharted waters to reach our destinations.

When I got back to my apartment, I wrote “Bridges.”  It was one of those inspired pieces written by Spirit rather than me.  I suck at metaphors and didn’t grasp the full meaning of it.  Still, I realized instantly that “Bridges” was my own map.  The first metaphor I understood was that the judge was going to have to find the courage to cross the bridge from fear to faith on his own.  I couldn’t do it for him.  If he couldn’t find that courage, I needed to move on by myself.

In time, I adopted a quote from the late, great Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes as my mantra:

Mariner Star Quilt

Follow Your Star Home

God has always used the image of a star to guide people home.  When fear consumes us, it is difficult to remember that God loves us.  People will use fear to distract us from our true mission.  Sometimes fear so clouds our sky that we can’t find our own north star.  This is when we need people we can trust to guide us back onto our true path and to help us stay in control of our destinies.

Corrine, one of my Facebook friends, asked me several weeks ago a question I get asked most frequently:  how do I protect my kids from their abusive father?  In the course of our dialogue, I realized the answer isn’t going to be found in our courts.

We’re looking in the wrong place for a solution.  We need to find a safe harbor, careen the crap off the hulls of our ships, provision our ships for our journey, and have the faith and courage to navigate uncharted waters until we find our way home.

The court system is full of people with narcissistic personality disorders.  Judges go to law school.  They don’t study psychology.  Too many judges and attorneys are abusive behind closed doors.

The only way to effectively deal with a narcissist is to leave.  But, we can’t just leave if there are kids involved.  A narcissist can easily manipulate the legal system as an instrument of prolonged abuse until everyone is broke and on welfare.

Love Is the Answer

I advised Corrine to love her sons.  I suggested that she enjoy her visits with them.  I told her that her smartest strategy was to provide her sons with a safe haven and a positive male role model when she was blessed to see them.

A prolonged court battle will ultimately cause the most solid person to become whacky and broke.  Nobody wins.  Everybody loses.

I think we need to start looking for solutions in the health care system.  We need to find health care professionals who are brilliant diagnosticians ~ people with the determination to find the true cause of illness rather than treat symptoms.

Why?  Abuse causes illness.  A good shrink is far more likely to help us deal effectively with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder than a judge ~ especially a judge who is an abusive narcissist behind closed doors.

I realize these professionals are exceedingly difficult to find.  Yet, they are out there.  And, they are navigating the uncharted waters of their own profession to find solutions.  These are the people who will provide the sunshine in our lives ~ the sunshine that will help us grow tall and flourish.

Flower World

A trip to Flower World is phenomenal therapy for me.  My case manager took me last week to buy unusual flowers.  She had never been to Flower World, and I think it blew her socks off.

The grounds are lushly landscaped.

Chickens, ducks, and geese roam freely. I noticed lambs and baby goats hanging out in pens.

Koi and huge turtles inhabit the fountains near the coffee bar inside the massive greenhouse.

I came home with a bleeding heart vine with white and red-tipped flowers, a deep rose bougainvillea, and a new kind of geranium with variegated hot pink blossoms.

Edmonds marina with Olympic Mountains in background

A stay-cation means a trip to the Edmonds waterfront. Edmonds reminds me of South Haven, Michigan ~ my favorite retreat when I lived in Chicago. I was ecstatic to discover a restaurant has finally opened a patio next to the beach and is serving juicy burgers.

We’ve been blessed this Spring with a series of sunny weekends. There’s nothing like standing or sitting on the beach and seeing snow in the mountains where it belongs. The orca sculpture is at the underwater park north of the ferry dock. That’s Mt. Baker in the background.

Starfish

When the tide is very low ~ it was -3.4′ the day I took these photos ~ you can see the creatures that live under the ferry dock.

Sunfish

Live crab

Extreme low tides, of course, are thanksgiving day for the seagulls.


As my late, great auntie Mame loved to opine as we ate our burgers on the South Haven waterfront, “the sightseeing [handsome sailors] is awesome.”

Seal pup at Marina Park Beach

This seal pup posed for photographs for the tourists.

These photos were taken at sunset at the marina. The cloudy photo was taken at low tide, and the sunset photo is at high tide.  The Olympic Mountains that you can see in the featured photo at the top of this post are obscured by clouds.

Mushrooms growing on tree trunk

My late cousin Judith Vollbracht was a cartographer (she drew maps for a living).  She created the maps that became the planned community of Mill Creek, Washington.  It came to life as a golf course community and grew to have its own town center.  Hiking trails are laced through reforested old-growth wetlands and around the golf course.  It is a perfect blend of big-city convenience and suburban ambience.

When she heard I was going on a much-needed vacation, RitaAnita Linger asked me to capture my adventures in photos.   I decided that it was time to finally hike the trails my cousin mapped out.

I had never seen mushrooms growing on the side of a tree.

A budding rhododendron will always make my heart sing.

Although feeding ducks is frowned upon here in Washington state, the ducks know families with little kids and old people are soft-hearted suckers.

These ducklings are several weeks old, and I was thrilled to see them.  The trail features a series of ponds, and the ducks in the pond behind the Mill Creek town center are exceedingly tame beggars.

The drake families on this pond rewarded me with wonderful photo opportunities.  I apologize to my subscribers that the photos today may not all appear in your e-mail message.  There’s nothing I can do to control this.  If you’d like to see the photos, please click on the links or visit my Facebook page.

Boardwalk in North Creek Park

Mill Creek, WA celebrates reforested old-growth wetlands.  North Creek Park is a huge urban wetland with a 3/4 mile floating boardwalk.

Old Growth Tree Trunk

This massive old growth tree is at the south entrance of the park.

The limbs are so huge that they bend at the ground and appear to each be a tree.

Canadian goose in the marsh.

In a month, the grasses will be so tall that it will be nearly impossible to see the ducks and geese floating on the water above massive peat bogs.

Red-winged blackbirds

I heard these red-winged blackbirds’ song long before I was able to capture this photo.  The chorus of birdsong is glorious, but the birds are shy and cautious.  I saw a red-tailed hawk soaring and hunting, and I’ve been told the wetland is also home to a bald eagle family as well as beavers.

Marsh grass

The grasses floating in the marsh dance a ballet with the strong currents of North Creek.  I will confess that it felt creepy bouncing along the boardwalk and wondering whether recent repairs would keep me from falling into the chilly waters.  I was glad to be back on solid ground, and I wished I had gone back to photograph the super moon.  The trees around my apartment complex are so towering that I wasn’t able to see it from home.

Super moon at the Space Needle