A victim’s first scream is for help; 

a victim’s second scream is for justice. 

- Coral Anika Theill 

Attorneys with drinking problems often become judges.  Judge Albin W. Norblad was suspended by Oregon’s Supreme Court on Valentine’s Day, 2002 for driving drunk and “substantial doubt that he comprehends the gravity of his recklessness.” 

Fourteen years ago, Judge Norblad ordered Kathryn Hall Warner to surrender the infant she was nursing and her two youngest children to her abusive husband V. Martin Warner.  During Mr. Warner’s testimony, the judge made a joke and laughed with her husband about the two times Mrs. Warner became pregnant during marital rape. 

What Is Humorous About Rape? 

 

Before March 10, 1996, Mrs. Warner had devoted twenty years of her life to being a loving mother of her eight children.  Except for one son, she hasn’t been allowed to see any of her children since 1998.  Judge Norblad awarded custody to her ex-husband Martin, who has been characterized as a volatile, sociopathic, controlling, abusive monster by the children’s former tutor, Tashi Smith Gremar, in a letter to the couple’s pastor, Ron Sutter of the Bridgeport Community Church in Monmouth, Oregon: 

I immediately noticed how demeaning and controlling Mr. Warner was toward his wife. . .witness to Mr. Warner’s extreme mood swings, angry outbursts, and unrealistic expectations towards his wife. . . 

Kathy had been working for twenty years as a full-time mother of eight kids, ranging from teenagers to a newborn, as well as a full-time cook, housekeeper, and home-school teacher. . .her sterling character.  She is a beautiful, fragile treasure. 

How tragic that such a sweet soul would be oppressed by an enraged husband who only treated her with contempt. . .violently angry. . .I witnessed the level of fear both Kathy and the children lived with every day.  Although the family scrambled to please Marty, their efforts were never good enough.  He was unable to be satisfied. . .bark out his commands. . .I saw the children ignored by Mr. Warner until they accidently did something “wrong”. . .violently spank them for the smallest of offenses. . .blatantly wicked. . . 

Marty had been violently abusing Kathy physically, emotionally, and sexually for the last twenty years.  She had been continually raped and beaten. . .hospitalized. . .kept a prisoner in her own house. 

. . .abusive rage-aholic. . .swings wildly from vicious threats to love poems. . .Marty has been continually slapping lawsuit after lawsuit against her in a sick attempt to break her once again. . . 

I fail to understand why he is not in prison and shunned by his community. . . 

He has everything, but won’t quit until she “pays” for escaping him. 

Why Wasn’t Marty Imprisoned for Rape? 

If the Warners had lived in Benton County instead of Polk, Marion, and Wasco Counties in Oregon, I’m fairly certain he’d be doing hard time.  Rape is a Class A felony in Oregon.  Mrs. Warner went to the Oregon courts for protection from her husband’s criminal behavior including rape and assault. 

She quickly discovered the tables had turned.  Her husband was a wealthy engineer who owned a large debt-free estate in Independence.  He was a pillar of their fundamentalist church and had the deep pockets to fund never-ending, spurious litigation.  Therefore, he was able to make good on his threats that if she left him that she would never see her children again. 

Litigation Abuse Is a Form of Legal Stalking 

The Oregon courts were an ideal environment for this spurned husband’s quest for revenge.  Several judges and one state representative enabled his manipulation of the legal system as an instrument of abuse.  John Haroldson, the district attorney in Benton County observed: 

. . .the degree to which the legal system can also be used as a vehicle to further perpetuate abuse even after the victim has chosen to take a stand against the abuse. 

. . .Coral Theill [Mrs. Warner legally changed her name] has clearly chosen to take a courageous stand.  It is a stand the comes with a cost, but whose dividends are measured in the strength of the soul. 

The judicial system treated Mrs. Warner ~ her husband’s prized prey ~ like a criminal

I have fewer rights than a criminal in America and I have no criminal record and have no history of alcohol, drug or child abuse. 

. . .twenty-three days in court. . .twelve hours of psychological exams. . .thirty-five hours of depositions that were oppressive, mentally abusive and cruel. . .no one seems to have the ability or the authority to help me become truly emancipated from my former husband, Mr. V. Martin Warner.  I have lost hope of ever seeing my children.  I desire a life free from legal harassment in Oregon’s courts. 

Despite the fact that she had never worked outside the home and was disabled by Complex-PTSD and is frequently homeless, Mrs. Warner found herself ordered to pay child support and attorney fees to her wealthy ex-husband.  Her passport has been revoked because the amount of her child support payments exceed her income: 

It is not money that Mr. Warner wants.  He wants vengeance and power and control over me. 

 

BONSHEÁ:  Making Light of the Dark 

On April 22, 1999, Mrs. Warner legally changed her name to Coral Anika Theill and started writing.  She learned to cast light on darkness

In 2003, she published BONSHEÁ:  Making Light of the Dark.  It is the only book I’ve seen on Amazon that got five stars from every reviewer.  The reviews at BarnesandNoble.com are also all five stars!  Amazing!

Dr. Barbara May, who was Ms. Theill’s mentor and counselor, said in her endorsement

. . .her recovery. . .is truly remarkable. . .indominability of her spirit and light.  The strategies she shares with the reader can make a difference between being a victim and being a survivor. 

She has been nominated for Boston’s R.O.S.E. Fund Award, the Sheila Wellstone Award, and for the Women of Courage series. 

 

Breaking the silence and “telling secrets” takes courage. 

But I have discovered there is more danger in keeping secrets. 

Keeping secrets only protects the abuser. 

- Coral Anika Theill 

Groomed to Accept Abuse 

Kathryn Hall had been reared to be subservient and accept abuse.  She was forced to share a bedroom with a great uncle, who was a sexual predator: 

As a young child I learned that abusers were embraced and protected.  There was no help, nowhere to go and no one to tell.  When my great uncle was allowed, by my own parents, to continually molest me for years, nothing I said or did could make it stop. 

. . .as an adult, I have discovered the rules of this game have not changed much.  My abusers, still, have been repeatedly embraced and protected. 

My married life continued the pattern of my childhood.  After surviving 20 years of multiple pregnancies, sleep deprivation, [religious] ritual, emotional, and mental abuse, rapes and physical assaults within my marriage, I had finally suffered a severe physical/emotional breakdown due to the constant ongoing violence.  While in this near catatonic state, I was again physically assaulted and raped by my husband, causing my eighth pregnancy despite the warnings of my doctors. 

. . .I had had enough. . .continuing this way of life would eventually kill me. . .Long-term abuse had left my senses blunted.  I felt numb. 

 Tim King, executive news editor of Salem-news.com, has been Ms. Theill’s champion.  He’s a war correspondent and former Marine with a “SEMPER FI” attitude: 

I have always held the lowest opinion of men who abuse women, especially those who parade as impeccable members of their communities. . . 

Any one raised in a household that puts a higher emphasis on mindless obedience than critical thinking, is in a dangerous place, no matter how many Norman Rockwell paintings decorate the walls. 

Mr. King has covered the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and sees parallels between Ms. Theill’s experiences and those of Afghan women

A Single Pebble Affects an Entire Ocean 

Ms. Theill wrote hundreds of letters.  She refused to be silent.  Her only fear was being imprisoned in the cage of her abusive marriage. 

Dr. May helped her transform her life from victim to survivor.  She believes the system has failed Ms. Theill

. . .even the strongest person, reaches a breaking point, especially when all avenues turn into dead ends and you are let down, rejected, turned away by everyone again and again. 

I know how this feels.  I’m sure many of y’all do too.  A woman responding to one of Mr. King’s articles about Ms. Theill said: 

We can give victims all the well wishes and support in the world, but unless we give them proper legal care first, and then proper trauma care second, then the system is still a failure.  Domestic violence advocacy has been watered down to grant writing, politics, and lots of talking at the victims’ expense, while leaving women like Coral no better off than before millions were spent to “study” this phenomenon. 

Ms. Theill and I have been on parallel paths for more than a dozen years.  She appeared on my radar screen via BettyJean Kling last summer.  About six weeks later, Pam Darwin left a comment asking me to help her friend Coral.  Today, I read a post on Nancy Carroll’s excellent blog Rights for Mothers about Coral

After fourteen years of personally seeking assistance from advocacy groups on a local, state, and national level, the advocacy system, as is, has offered me nothing. 

. . .sadly, I met a few advocates who wish to keep their clients as “victims.” 

Not all individuals who offer help as therapists and advocates have good intentions. 

I decided it was time to connect with Coral.  We had a very long chat this afternoon, and I was blown away by her tenacity, grace, wisdom, and faith.  She has been to hell and back so many times that it must feel like a commute.  I did something I rarely do ~ I trusted her with the details of my own story so that she could fully appreciate why the system had failed her so miserably. 

 

We may have to go without many comforts for the duration. 

We can go without most things for long periods of time, 

anything almost, but not our joy. 

- Clarissa Estes, Ph.D., Women Who Run With the Wolves 

To Heal from Our Trauma, We Must Face It Squarely 

Via the Internet, survivors have been connecting and finding we have power in numbers.  The system seeks to isolate us.  I write this blog because I believe we can learn so much from each other if each of us contributes our unique wisdom.  This is what I learned from Coral today

  • Respect and honor the sacredness of our beings.  She is now in touch with the “wildish and sacred part of [her] soul.”
  • Healing is the process of rounding up all the fragments of our shattered self and reconciling them. . .integrated. . .aware. . .conscious.
  • Individuals heal themselves, conselors simply offer support.
  • Intuition and a still quiet voice are our greatest coping tools.
  • Each of us has a right to live without fear, to be treated with respect, to have and express our own feelings and opinions, to be listened to and taken seriously, to set our own priorities, to say “no” without feeling guilty, to ask for what we want without reprisal, to ask for information from others, to have our own needs met, to have privacy and support and friendship.
  • Surrendering lost dreams helps us prepare for new dreams.
  • Freedom begins the day we walk away from fear, scarcity, blame and guilt.
  • We can created a “safe place” ~ a home ~ within our spirits.
  • A breakdown is essentially a “reset” button ~ a catalyst to spiritual awakening ~ an opportunity to learn to love, respect, and honor ourselves.
  • Our trauma is not who we are.  It is just what happened to us.
  • One solution to stepping out of the cages that imprison us is to empower ourselves via education and raising awareness of violence and injustice.

 

I’d like to give a special shout-out to Tim King at Salem-news.com, Dr. Barbara May at Linfield College, and District Attorney John Haroldson in Benton County, OR. 

© 2010, Anne Caroline Drake 

All rights reserved and strictly enforced.

   

Tonight at the Kennedy Center, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will be presenting the Vital Voices Global Trailblazer Award to Melinda French Gates because she redefines the role of women leaders in global development.  

Mrs. Gates is the co-chair of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation here in Seattle.   

The award is part of a week long celebration of International Women’s Day in Washington, D.C. including a new global partnership between the Avon Foundation and Vital Voices.

Global Partnership to End Violence Against Women

Earlier today at the State Department, Reese Witherspoon spoke at the Breakfast Meeting of the Global Partnership to End Violence Against Women.  Ms. Witherspoon is the Avon Foundation’s global ambassador.   

The Avon Foundation is contributing $500,000 to the State Department’s Fund for Global Women’s Leadership as well as $1.2 million to the Global Partnership.  Ms. Witherspoon explained her commitment:   

. . .we also need to support the passage of the International Violence Against Women Act. (Applause and cheers.) In too many communities, spousal abuse, rape, and honor killings remain day-to-day realities for many women and girls. This act creates a comprehensive approach to combat violence, from holding perpetrators accountable to supporting survivors and to promoting economic opportunities for them. These are initiatives that all of you are already making possible, and by passing the act we can ensure that they are written into law.

As I look around this room today, I see policy makers, activists, and community leaders, people who have dedicated themselves to making a difference. But I also see mothers and fathers, sisters and daughters, who know the impact that they can make in their own families and communities. And that’s what gives me such hope that we can change things in our time for women everywhere. You understand the impact of speaking up and speaking out in order to create this imperative change in the world.

Women of Courage Awards   

This afternoon at the presentation of the Women of Courage awards, Secretary Clinton said:   

Avon is our partner here at the State Department in focusing on and trying to end, once and for all, the global epidemic of violence against women. It happens in the homes, it happens in the streets, it happens all over the world. And we have to call it for what it is – a crime – and we have to mobilize to combat it. And Avon has agreed to be our partner in working with the State Department in doing so. And I thank [Ms. Witherspoon and Ms. Jung] for taking on this challenge with us.   

   

Andrea Jung, CEO of Avon, explained the company’s commitment to empower women:   

At Avon, our commitment to empowering women is grounded in our heritage. Avon was founded almost 125 years ago in 1886 on the simple belief that women had the right to earn money and be economically independent. This was truly a revolutionary idea at a time when women virtually had no role outside the home and would not win the right to vote for another 34 years. But there was no stopping a good idea. Today, with nearly six million representatives serving 300 million women in more than 100 countries, Avon is the company for women. And we have known first hand that improving women’s lives is by empowering them, and that empowering women can make all the difference for their families, for communities, and for countries. And that is why, in addition to helping women achieve financial independence through the business model, Avon and the Avon Foundation for Women have, since 1955, awarded more than $725 million in over 50 countries to help women overcome other barriers to independence.   

The $500,000 State Department grant will:   

. . .provide funds for NGOs that work on domestic and gender violence issues around the world, to help you support the most innovative and successful models being developed, some of which will hopefully emerge from our partnership summit this week. It’s our hope and belief that this gift will accelerate the global effort to end violence among women.   

Avon’s Speak Out Against Domestic Violence Campaign    

Ms. Jung concluded her remarks:   

Since launching our Speak Out Against Domestic Violence campaign a few short years ago, Avon has committed more than $16 million to the fight against gender-based violence. In the end, though, we know that it is not about the dollars that makes a difference. It’s also advocacy, solidarity, and the willingness to truly shine a light on an issue that is too often hidden in the dark. In the end, it’s about refusing to accept things as they are, and doing what we can do with what we have to ensure a better tomorrow. So I have no doubt that together, we can and we will end violence against women. We’re so proud of this partnership this afternoon. We see first hand what can happen when, together, we empower women. We see the opportunity, we see the progress, and we see and believe in the hope.   

Enjoy!  Thanks, Julie.

 

  

My library is full of the stories of famous people and celebrities who have survived abuse and gone on to thrive and find joy. 

To celebrate my 200th post, I’m asking for feedback from my readers about which inspiring survivor stories you would most like to read. 

Some of these people ~ Maya Angelou and Augusten Burroughs ~ have written prolifically.  Many stories have been published in books or articles.  Other stories have been mere whispers.  And, a few of the people listed break down the walls of silence with their actions rather than their words. 

The names in purple are links to stories I’ve already told.  Please feel free to ask for more in-depth information.  If you don’t have the patience to wait for me to write a post, I’ve included the titles of the books on my shelves. 

My Own Top Five

  • Eve Ensler, writer (The Vagina Monologues) and activist (V-Day):  child abuse
  • Alice Miller, psychologist/writer (The Drama of the Gifted Child, Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, The Body Never Lies, The Truth Will Set You Free, etc.):  child abuse
  • Tyler Perry, comedy/writer (Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings), producer (Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Precious/PUSH, Madea’s Family Reunion, I Can Do Bad All By Myself):  child abuse
  • Gloria Steinem, feminist/writer/Ms. Magazine (Revolution from Within):  child abuse
  • Tina Turner, singer/actress (I, Tina):  child abuse and neglect; domestic violence (Ike Turner)

 

Child Abuse/Neglect Survivors Who Are Making a Difference 

  • Christina Aguilera, pop singer/songwriter:  Womens Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburg; Lifetime’s End Violence Against Women Campaign
  • Mary J. Blige, singer/songwriter/actress:  FFAWN, The Mary J. Blige Center for Women, Yonkers, NY
  • William J. Clinton, former president:  Violence Against Women Act (My Life)
  • Pat Conroy, best selling author/screenwriter (father was an officer in the U.S. Marines, Prince of Tides. The Great Santini)
  • Lee Daniels, movie director (father was a police officer, Precious/PUSH)
  • Sally Field, actress: multiple DV charities
  • Jane Fonda, actress:  V-Day (My Life, So Far)
  • Erin Gray, model/actress:  Haven House, National Coalition Against DV, co-produced PSAs, speaker
  • Billy Hudson, entrepreneur/Professor of Medicine and Biochemistry:  Aspirnaut Initiative
  • Dr. Patrick J. Kelly, physician
  • Susan Murphy-Milano, activist/writer (father was a police officer, Defending Our Lives)
  • WA Rep. Toby Nixon (R), politician
  • Rosie O’Donnell, comedy/actress (Celebrity Detox)
  • U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert (R), sheriff/congressman:  solved Green River murders
  • Victor Rivas Rivers, NFL lineman/actor/activist:  Verizon Community Champion, NNEDV spokesperson
  • Charlize Theron, actress (her mother shot her abusive, alcoholic father in self-defense):  V-Day
  • Joe Torre, major league baseball player and coach (father was New York City police officer, Chasing the Dream, Joe Torre’s Ground Rules for Winners):  Safe at Home Foundation, Coach Boys into Men campaign, Founding Fathers
  • Clara Ward, community activist featured on Extreme Makeover:  Clara’s Way
  • Wynona Ward, attorney:  Have Justice Will Travel

Child Molestation/Incest Survivors Who Are Making a Difference 

  • Maya Angelou, global Renaissance woman (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Letter to My Daughter, “Phenomenal Woman”)
  • Martha Beck, psychologist, life coach, O Magazine columnist (Leaving the Saints ~ her father was a leader in the Mormon church)
  • Louise L. Hay, founder/publisher of Hay House (You Can Heal Your Life)
  • Oprah Winfrey, talk show host/producer/actress (The Color Purple)
  • Virginia Woolf, writer (A Room of One’s Own)

Child Abuse/Neglect/Incest Survivors (Physical and/or Emotional)

  • Walter Anderson, Parade Magazine Chairman & CEO (Meant to Be)
  • Arcadian Broad, dance contestant on America’s Got Talent (bullying) 
  • Christopher Buckley, writer (son of William F. Buckley, Losing Mum and Pup)
  • Augusten Burroughs, writer (his father was an Ivy League professor, Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table, Possible Side Effects, etc.)
  • Chevy Chase, comedy/writer/actor (society family, I’m Chevy Chase. . .and You’re Not)
  • Christopher Dickey, Newsweek journalist (father was poet and Deliverance writer James Dickey, Summer of Deliverance)
  • Christopher Paul Gardner, investment banker/venture capitalist (The Pursuit of Happyness)
  • Monique (Mo’Nique) Imes, actress
  • Jewel, singer
  • Stacey Lannert, prisoner (incest:  murdered her father)
  • Steve Martin, comedy/writer (Born Standing Up)
  • Tom Petty, musician (allegations he is a child abuse perpetrator)
  • Mackenzie Phillips, actress (father:  John Phillips)
  • Christopher Quincy Maryatt, prosecuting attorney (descendant of John Quincy Adams)
  • Frank McCourt, best-selling author (Angela’s Ashes, Tis)
  • Alyse Myers, former New York Times marketing executive/writer (Who Do You Think You Are?)
  • Sandra Oh, actress
  • SARK, writer (A Creative Companion, Prosperity Pie, Eat Mangoes Naked, Succulent Wild Woman)
  • Tavis Smiley, talk show host (What I Know for Sure)
  • Norm Stamper, former Seattle, WA chief of police
  • Hillary Swank, actress
  • Amy Tan, best-selling author (The Joy Luck Club)
  • Meg Tilly, actress/writer (Gemma, Singing Songs)
  • Antonio Villaraigosa, mayor of Los Angeles, CA
  • Jeannette Walls, best-selling author (Glass Castle)
  • Mary Wilshire, illustrator of female superheroes

Dating Abuse Survivors

  • Christina Applegate, actress
  • Robin Rihanna Fenty, singer

Sexual Assault/Sexual Harassment Survivors

  • Barbara Hall, producer of Joan of Arcadia
  • Jamie Leigh Jones, administrative assistant for KBR:  Jamie Leigh Foundation (sexual assault)
  • Cathy L. Lanier, Washington, DC chief of police

IPV/Domestic Violence/Litigation Abuse Survivors Who Are Making a Difference

  • Barbara Bentley, retired quality assurance manager, political activist, writer (A Dance with the Devil):  lobbied to change CA divorce laws
  • Halle Berry, actress:  The Jenesse Center in Los Angeles, CA
  • Vernetta Cockerham, activist (featured in August, 2009 issue of O Magazine)
  • Charlotte Fedders, ex-wife of SEC official John Fedders (Shattered Dreams)
  • Lorena Bobbitt Gallo, Realtor/cosmetologist:  Lorena’s Red Wagon
  • Robin Givens, actress/activist (ex-wife of Mike Tyson)
  • Carolyn Jessop, writer (ex-husband was leader of Mormon church, Escape)
  • Monica Hunter, WA State Trooper
  • Rita Henley Jensen, editor in chief of Women’s eNews:  Dangerous Trends, Innovative Responses
  • Kathy Lambert, King County, WA Council Person
  • Rita Anita Linger, former executive director of the North Carolina Coalition
  • Fern Michaels, best-selling romance novelist:  Revenge of the Sisterhood series
  • Prof. Linda G. Mills, JD/Ph.D./academic:  controversial viewpoint (Insult to Injury)
  • Mildred Muhammad, writer/activist:  After the Trauma (ex-wife of DC Sniper John Allen Muhammad, Scared Silent)
  • Sherri Peak, activist:  hi-tech stalking
  • Kalyn Risker, human resources manager/activist:  SAFE, Detroit
  • Nancy P. Tyler, attorney:  CT Coalition
  • Iyanla Vanzant, attorney/writer/spiritual leader (Faith in the Valley, In the Meantime, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, etc.)
  • Elissa Wall, FLDS child bride (ex-wife of Warren Jeffs, Stolen Innocence)
  • Prof. Elaine Weiss, University of Utah School of Medicine (Surviving Domestic Violence:  Voices of Women Who Broke Free)

IPV/Domestic Violence/Litigation Abuse Survivors (Emotional, Financial, Physical, Spousal Rape, Adultery)

  • Sandra Boss, corporate consultant (her ex-husband “Clark Rockefeller” kidnapped her daughter)
  • Christine Brinkley, model/actress (divorcing a narcissist)
  • Juanita Bynum, televangelist (two marriages)
  • Connie Culp, received facial transplant
  • Carlene Cross, writer/instructor (ex-wife of mega-church preacher, Fleeing Fundamentalism)
  • Mary Margaret Farren, attorney at Skadden, Arps (estranged wife of J. Michael Farren, deputy White House counsel in G.W. Bush Administration)
  • Elizabeth Gilbert, writer (Eat, Pray, Love; Committed)
  • Katherine Graham, publisher of the Washington Post (Personal History)
  • Lula Hardaway, mother of Stevie Wonder (Blind Faith)
  • Whitney Houston, singer/actress/model (ex-wife of Bobby Brown)
  • Dr. Kate Jewell, physician
  • Virginia Dell Cassidy Blythe Clinton Dwire Kelley, First Mother (Leading with My Heart)
  • Dr. Jeanne I. King, psychologist (ex-wife of an OB/Gyn MD, All But My Soul)
  • Dr. Christine McFadden, veterinarian (ex-husband murdered all four of their children)
  • Vicki Myron, librarian (Dewey)
  • Katha Pollitt, feminist poet/The Nation columnist (Learning to Drive)
  • Emily Post, etiquette maven
  • JoAnn Viola Salazar, attorney/librarian
  • Jenny Sullivan Sanford, heiress/investment banker/former First Lady of SC (ex-wife of Gov. Mark Sanford ~ ”hiking the Appalachian Trail”, Staying True)
  • Barbara Sheehan, prisoner (murdered her husband:  New York City police officer)
  • Dr. Robin L. Smith, psychologist/Oprah contributor (Lies at the Altar)
  • Leslie Morgan Steiner, Harvard graduate/writer (Crazy Love)
  • Donna Summer, singer/songwriter
  • Michele Weldon, journalist/writer (ex-wife of attorney, I Closed My Eyes, Writing to Save Your Life)
  • Hanah Nyala West, tracker/writer/Ph.D. candidate (Point Last Seen)
  • Mary C. White, WA teacher
  • Debra Winans, gospel singer (ex-wife of BeBe Winans)

Multiple or Unspecified Experiences of Abuse

  • Karen Armstrong, writer/former nun/comparative religion (The Spiral Staircase)
  • Ellen Burstyn, actress (Lessons in Becoming Myself)
  • Georgia Durante, stunt driver (ex-wife of a mobster/stalking, The Company She Keeps)
  • Ann Goetting, professor (Getting Out)
  • Catherine Lanigan, writer (Romancing the Stone, Jewel of the Nile, Evolving Woman)
  • Quincy Lucas, teacher (her sister was murdered by her ex-boyfriend/founder of Witney’s L.I.G.H.T.S./introduced Joe Biden at the Democratic Convention in 2008)
  • S. Epatha Merkerson, actress
  • Prof. Karen J. Wilson (When Violence Begins at Home)

© 2010, Anne Caroline Drake

All Copyright and Intellectual Property Rights Reserved and Strictly Enforced.

 
Jennifer Ann Paulson

Fasten you seat belts, folks, I’m going on a rant!

What the hell is it going to take for the judges in Pierce County, WA and the legislators in Olympia to get their collective heads out of their asses?

There was a horrendous earthquake in Santiago, Chile this morning.  The Olympics is drawing to a close up in British Columbia.  But, the story of greatest interest to folks in Seattle and Tacoma, WA today is the murder of Jennifer Ann Paulson.  If these politicians think the public isn’t mad as hell, they aren’t paying attention.

We had four dead cops in Lakewood and another one in Eatonville.  I thought surely the legislators would get it, but they were busy rearranging the proverbial deck chairs instead of protecting a beloved teacher at Birney Elementary School in Tacoma.  Ms. Paulson was murdered 30 minutes before a public hearing on denying bail convened in Olympia.  While they bickered, she was murdered.

Jennifer Ann Paulson did everything she was supposed to do.  The school administrators and the Tacoma cops and her family did everything they knew how to do to protect her.

The Tacoma cops arrested Jed Ryan Waits, who had been stalking Ms. Paulson for years, last Friday (February 19) for violating her anti-harassment order.  He spent the weekend in jail.  But, on Monday morning, the court granted him bail.  The court didn’t take away his gun.  The prosecutor didn’t try to figure out some way to keep him behind bars.

They let him out even though there was abundant evidence  his obsession with Ms. Paulson was escalating and he would likely murder her on the grounds of the elementary school where she worked:

  • He was formally disciplined more than once by the Washsington Army National Guard.
  • He was an intelligence analyst in the military with high security clearance.  However, the Guard busted him to private and gave him a less than honorable discharge in April 2009.
  • He attacked a tenant’s boyfriend in November, 2008 and was charged with fourth-degree assault and sentenced to a year’s probation in Feburary, 2009.
  • His probation was extended for another six months in August, 2009 because he failed to provide proof he had attended court-mandated counseling.
  • The tenant filed an anti-harassment order against him.
  • He called Ms. Paulson 10-15 times/day.  They had never been involved romantically.  They were co-workers in a college cafeteria.
  • He made numerous 250 mile round trips from Eatonville, WA to Tacoma, WA to stalk Ms. Paulson.
  • He showed up unannounced and uninvited at the school where she taught.
  • Her father told him to stay away from his daughter, but a month later he brought gifts to her school.
  • Her principal reported him to his Guard commander.
  • He sat ouside her school during September, 2008 watching her.
  • He was served with an anti-harassment order on September 18, 2008 which was later was extended to September 25, 2010.
  • He was arrested for stalking Ms. Paulson on February 19, 2010 and booked into jail for the weekend.
  • The police detective in charge of the case called Ms. Paulson on Monday evening to alert her that he made bail and was out of jail.

The police detective knew she was clearly in danger, but the Pierce County “justice” system ~ once again ~ somehow couldn’t see the handwriting on the wall.

Jennifer Ann Paulson Was Gunned Down on the School Playground

Friday morning, February 26, Jed Ryan Waits waited two hours outside Birney Elementary for Ms. Paulson to come to work at 7:30 AM.  She was with a colleague.  Without saying a word, he fired three shots and killed Ms. Paulson.  The fire department arrived within seven minutes to find Ms. Paulson bleeding profusely, but there was nothing they could do to save her life.

Within a half hour, a deputy spotted Waits’ car and pulled him over.  Ironically, it was at a day care parking lot in Frederickson.  When Waits fired at the officer, the deputy returned fire and killed him.

Four hundred children go to Birney Elementary.  The newspapers didn’t say how many kids were already at the daycare center.

Jennifer Ann Paulson Was Beloved by Her Students and Family

Ms. Paulson taught kids with learning disabilities and volunteered to tutor at-risk kids.  The mother of one of her students told the Tacoma News Tribune:

She really did something life-changing for my daughter and our family.  She was an excellent teacher and an excellent person too.  There was something special about her relationship with kids.

She earned her bachelor of arts degree from Seattle Pacific University in special education in 2003.  In June, she earned her master’s in education at the University of Washington-Tacoma where she was a star student.  The day before she was murdered, she completed paperwork for state certification.

She became a special-ed teacher because her baby brother Jason had struggled in school.

One thing I know my daugher would want brought to attention is that

there is another grieving family here.

- Nancy Heisler, Jennifer’s mother, is on the left

Ken Paulson, Jennifer’s father, and his wife Cindy

Pierce County and Olympia:  What if Jennifer Had Been YOUR Daughter?

Pierce County has a very long history of callous disregard toward domestic violence.  They didn’t lock up domestic violence perpetrators Tacoma Chief of Police David Brame or the DC Sniper or Isaiah M.K. Kalebu or Maurice Clemmons or Darrel Street or David E. Crable or dozens of other people they knew or should have known would kill.

Judge Thomas Felnagle refused to grant bail to a couple of punks who savagely murdered a stray dog, but he let Maurice Clemmons go home to further terrorize his 12-year-old step-daughter, who he allegedly raped.  Maurice Clemmons assassinated four cops in Lakewood while out on bail.

The legislature got all excited when David E. Crable, who had been abusing his 16-year-old daughter for years, killed a deputy sheriff and wounded his partner.  Crable’s daughter Bryona had to rescue the cops who were supposed to be protecting her.

Legislature Bickers and Keeps the Status Quo Firmly Entrenched

Did the legislators in Olympia focus on the domestic violence underlying these killing sprees?  Hell, no!  Did they try to pass a law to deny bail to domestic violence perpetrators?  Hell no!

The law enforcement task force focused on protecting the cops rather than people experiencing domestic violence.  Gov. Christine Gregoire, who perpetually evidences callous disregard for domestic violence, according to the Seattle Times:

The original bill proposed by Gov. Chris Gregoire would have let judges deny bail if they determined that the suspect posed a public safety risk, but in order to get enough support in the House, the criteria was narrowed to those who would face a maximum sentence of life without the possibility of parole and if the suspect is considered dangerous.

By the time the bill got to the state senate, Judiciary Committee Chairman Adam Kline, who also has his head up his ass, said:

A prediction of violence is a shot in the dark right now.  We’re not going to have judges deny a consititutional right on a hunch.

Rep. Mike Hope and Rep. Chris Hurst, who are former cops, went ballistic.  Rep. Hurst told the Seattle Times:

I can’t remember a time when a couple folks sat down behind closed doors and didn’t talk to their colleagues, didn’t talk to the law-enforcement community.

We will not leave this session without this legislation.  This is the most important piece of criminal-justice legislation in decades.

Amen.

The Senate Judiciary Committee held a public hearing a half hour after Ms. Paulson was gunned down.  I’m willing to bet they still didn’t get it.

We the People get it.  And, we’re mad as hell at your callous disregard for our safety and welfare.

 

Paterson and Johnson

New York Gov. David A. Paterson claims he’s a champion for women who experience domestic violence.  He was quite vocal with his criticism of former NY state Senator Hiram Monseratte, who was convicted of domestic violence.  After Monseratte was expelled from the senate, Gov. Patterson told the New York Times:

This seemed like a classic case of a woman who was intimidated. . .

In the Monseratte case, Gov. Patterson was incensed that the senator’s aides continued to have contact with his victim:

. . .that’s the whole essence of what domestic violence is.  It’s control.

Yet, it appears that behind closed doors Gov. Paterson was doing some intimidating of his own.  David W. Johnson, who is described as the governor’s closest confidant, gatekeeper, and wing man, allegedly brutally beat his live-in girlfriend on Halloween night, 2009.  Although she diligently pursued securing a permanent order of protection, she mysteriously failed to appear in court on February 8 ~ the day after she spoke to Gov. Patterson on the phone.  Her case was dismissed.

Was There a Cover-Up?

Gov. Paterson has asked NY Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo, who is a likely opponent in the up-coming election, to investigate.

Lawrence B. Saftler, the attorney who represented the woman, told the New York Times that an intermediary asked her to call governor.  The Times reported:

The woman, who has asked not to be named for fear of retaliation, had gone to court on three occasions, seeking a protective order against Mr. Johnson and complaining under oath that she had been repeatedly harassed by the State Police not to press charges or seek the court-ordered protection.

In a separate article, the Times printed the transcript of the November 2, 2009 hearing which granted the original order of protection:

Court:  Four years.  [Confirming how long the couple had lived together in the woman's apartment]  You have bruises on your arms. . .

Woman:  I’m scared he’s going to come back. . .

Court:  . . .I’m going to issue a temporary order of protection. . .

Woman:  I’m just. . .I’m glad you’re doing this, because I thought it was going to be swept under the table because he, he’s like a government official, and I have problems with even calling the police because the state troopers kept calling and harassing me to drop the charges, and I wouldn’t.  So I’m, I’m just ~  [the judge interrupts]

Denise E. O’Donnell Resigned at 2:00 PM Today in Protest

Denise E. O’Donnell, who oversees the state police, was a federal prosecutor and social worker.  She said in a statement to the New York Times which was also reported on CNN:

The fact that the governor and members of the State Police have acknowledged direct contact with a woman who had filed for an order of protection against a senior member of the governor’s staff is a very serious matter.  These actions are unacceptable regardless of their intent. . .

. . .particularly distressing [in an administration] that prides itself on its record of combating domestic violence.

The behavior alleged here is the antithesis of what many of us have spent our entire careers working to build. . .a legal system that protects victims of domestic violence and brings offenders to justice.

She believes State Police Superintendent Harry J. Corbitt misled her into believing they were not involved.

Why Would the Harry Corbitt Get Involved???

Shortly after he became governor in March, 2008, Gov. Paterson insisted that State Police stop meddling in political affairs. . .like collecting information on his own extramarital affair.  He asked Attorney General Cuomo to investigate:

Mr. Cuomo’s report, issued in September 2009, did not find a rogue political unit per se but did find evidence of political interference by senior police officers, including an episode in which a police superintendent ordered changes to a domestic violence report involving a Republican congressman, John E. Sweeney. . .Mr. Corbitt. . .pledged to overhaul the agency.

Since the alleged incident of domestic violence took place in the woman’s Bronx apartment, the New York City Police Department has jurisdiction.  The New York Times reported yesterday that the police report indicated:

The alleged assault [by David W. Johnson] happened shortly before 8 p.m. on Halloween in the apartment she had shared with Mr. Johnson and her 13-year-old son for about four years.

She told the police that Mr. Johnson, who is 6-foot-7, had choked her, stripped her of much of her clothing, smashed her against a mirrored dresser and taken two telephones from her to prevent her from calling for help.

. . .a graphic account of a violent and menacing encounter. . .

. . .she screamed for Mr. Johnson to stop and then screamed for the help of a friend who was visiting. . .

Mr. Johnson then turned to the woman’s friend and told her to leave, “if you know what’s good for you.”

Mr. Johnson was gone by the time the police arrived. . .not referred to detectives for investigation.

Within 24 hours, Mr. Corbitt knew about it.  He has a squad of 200 officers who provide personal security to Gov. Paterson and Mr. Johnson.  One of these officers met with the woman:

We never pressured her. . .We just gave her options.

Right.  I’ve had those “options” explained to me too.  I got the message loud and clear:  “yes, he can, in fact, kill you and get away with it.”  I knew immediately I was nothing but an expendable pawn in a high-stakes political game.

Mr. Corbitt’s “whacky woman” defense is familiar to a lot of abused women:

I’m not sure of her emotional state; I don’t know her.

Paterson:  Just a “Bad Breakup”

Today, Gov. Paterson distanced himself from Mr. Johnson, who has been suspended from his $132,000/year job.

The two go back to 1999 and Gov. Paterson’s early days as a state senator.  Mr. Johnson, who is a very large man with a booming voice, started out as driver and protector for Paterson, who is legally blind.  The two eventually became so close that Mr. Johnson has his own room in the governor’s mansion.

The New York Timesinvestigative team did some digging into Mr. Johnson’s past:

  • Arrested twice on felony drug charges including selling cocaine to an undercover officer in Harlem.  He served five years probation.
  • An arrest for misdemeanor assault in the 1990s.
  • Police responded to domestic violence calls involving two women.
  • Police were not called in a third case of domestic violence involving a woman who was allegedly punched by Mr. Johnson outside Mr. Paterson’s state senate office in 2001.  She was “offered counseling” by Woody Pascal, Mr. Paterson’s chief of staff at the time.  She told the reporters the police didn’t protect her during an earlier alleged domestic violence incident by Mr. Johnson.
  • Paterson chalked it up to an “argument between two people” because Mr. Johnson wasn’t arrested and a complaint wasn’t filed.
  • Paterson minimized the Halloween incident as a “bad breakup.”

Johnson Was Never Served with an Order of Protection:  Case Dismissed

Somehow the folks who serve protection orders on domestic violence perpetrators couldn’t find this very big guy who has a very public job. 

On November 4, the woman told Judge Andrea Masley that he “avoided” service of process.  During a hearing on December 17, the judge asked Mr. Johnson’s attorney, William J. Madonna, to accept service.  He refused.  Another hearing was set for February 8, 2010.  Because the summons still hadn’t been served, the case was dismissed.

Is Gov. Paterson a True Champion for Abused Women?

You decide.  On the date of the hearing, Gov. Paterson berated the New York Times editorial board for talking to Mr. Johnson’s ex-girlfriend.

Yes, he got a law passed to allow protection orders in cases of dating abuse.  He put on a big light show at the Empire State Building during October (National Domestic Violence Awareness Month).  He pressed hard for NY state senator Monserrate’s removal.

But, it looks to me like he’s worked overtime to protect his wing man.

I know from personal experience how the politically expedient winds blow.  The same person who demanded the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee hunt me down to testify about the judge’s abuse claimed she had no knowledge a few years later when he ran for the state supreme court on the platform that he had “extensive experience with family and child abuse.”  She didn’t want someone with his pro-labor bias on the federal bench because she represented management in labor disputes.

Karl Vick has written the most powerful piece about domestic violence that I’ve ever read.  He included reference to John Fedders, head of the SEC during the Reagan Administration, who brutally beat his wife Charlotte.  Mr. Vick exposed details not previously published.  The Washington Post has a long history of investigative journalism into political corruption and abuse of power.

Case of John Michael Farren seen as refresher course on domestic violence

By Karl Vick
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, February 25, 2010; C01

NEW CANAAN, CONN. — The gate to 855 Weed St. is always open, and the driveway curves invitingly toward a cheerful Cape Cod. But what mattered to Mary Margaret Farren in the darkness of Jan. 6 was that lights were on inside.

The 43-year-old lawyer swung the BMW into the drive of a family she didn’t know, leaned on the horn, pounded on the front door. When it opened, she collapsed, bleeding, in the airy stillness of a New Canaan foyer.

“She made several remarks implying that she did not think she was going to live,” New Canaan police Sgt. Louis Gannon noted in his report. Summoned by the owners of the house on Weed Street, the officer found Farren on her side, inside the front door of the dumbfounded family’s house, shivering and pale under a pile of blankets in an expanding pool of blood.

She said her husband had tried to kill her, first with his hands, then with a metal flashlight, according to the police report. She said his plan was to kill her and then himself. She said that he was still at home, a mile away, and that there was a gun somewhere in the house.

The sergeant relayed the information to the squad cars screaming toward the house she had fled. And so what appeared before J. Michael Farren a year after leaving the White House were four police officers, two with shotguns, one with an assault rifle, one with a shield held across the other three, advancing toward the $4 million home of a man last employed as deputy counsel to the president of the United States.

Mike Farren came out with his hands up. After he was handcuffed, the officers photographed the blood on the floor of the master bedroom, where his wife said he erupted over divorce papers that would cite “long-term verbal, emotional and, in at least one instance, physical abuse.”

They photographed ligature marks around Mike Farren’s neck that matched the pattern of his braided belt. They photographed blood on his hands.

“He said to me, ‘I am killing you’ as he was strangling me,” Mary Farren wrote in an affidavit from her hospital bed, private guards posted in the corridor. “Based on my husband’s past associations and resources, I will need enhanced personal security measures, including but not limited to bodyguards, for a substantial period of time.”

The statement was filed with a motion intended to prevent her husband, charged with attempted murder and strangulation, from making bail a Superior Court judge had set at $2 million.

“That’s a lot of money,” said Leroy Webber, a bail bondsman at the courthouse in Stamford, seven miles and a world away. In New Canaan (median household income: $178,000), a woman in jodhpurs and jacket can be seen on Main Street on a weekday afternoon. Mike Farren could easily write a check for $2 million, his wife said, when she sued him for $30 million, in part to prevent him from making bail.

“His past associations with people of power, wealth and influence,” she wrote, reinforced her fear that Farren would find a way out of jail, and “facing the possibility of being incarcerated for the rest of his life, may take the children and run.”

 

Working-class upbringing

Forty years before he lived in a house with a remote-control gate, John Michael Farren lived in a two-family home on Walnut Street in Naugatuck, Conn. His mother was a nurse, his father a police captain who had died when Michael was young.

“Just an Irish Catholic cop, brought his kids up in Naugatuck,” said Ellenor Rohfritch, Michael Farren’s sister, describing a working-class upbringing in a company town. “We grew up with U.S. Rubber Company. Everybody’s mom and dad worked.”

Rohfritch drove up from West Hartford in the early hours of Jan. 7 to collect Grady, the family’s Havanese. Rohfritch’s daughter had already taken the two girls whom Mary-Margaret had pulled from their beds when she fled the house. The 7-year-old was in pajamas in the back seat. The baby, 4 months old, lay on the passenger seat.

“I wake up in the morning, it’s a ‘Twilight Zone,’ ” Rohfritch said. “Our hearts will never get around it. You hope your head will.”

Her brother went to Fairfield University, a nearby Jesuit school, graduating in 1972, the year a Republican state lawmaker named Ronald Sarasin was making a run for Congress. Michael Farren asked him for a job.

“He had an interest in politics, and had just gotten out of college and was interested enough to, rather than go out for a real job, work with us in the campaign,” said Sarasin, who hired Farren as his driver, and upon winning, made him his district representative, the member’s eyes on the ground of the 5th District.

For a career in politics, Mike Farren got a master’s in public policy and studied law at nights. He made the move to Washington in 1981, the start of the Reagan Revolution, and earned his stripes at the Republican National Committee before landing at the Commerce Department, where another Connecticut Yankee, Malcolm Baldrige, was in charge.

Commerce people did well when Vice President George H.W. Bush took the White House: Farren was a deputy in the transition team, then won a plum job as Commerce undersecretary for international trade. When Bush ran for reelection, Farren became deputy campaign manager under George Teeter.

“He was more of a Washington Republican, I think, than a Connecticut Republican,” Sarasin said, drawing a distinction.

Putting down roots, Farren bought a rowhouse on the Third Street SE, so close to the Capitol that neighbors today count three members of Congress within five doors. With his pick of jobs after Clinton beat Bush, he went to work as staff lobbyist for Xerox.

“He was a hot commodity,” said a friend of two decades, who spoke on condition of anonymity because his employer disapproves of publicity. “His powers of analysis and memory are astounding. He’s somebody who can remember a fact from 20 years ago and how it relates to policy both then and now.

“Having said that, he definitely was — is — a very intense guy. Had a temper. He could get extremely angry, in a way that would stand out from other people.”

“I work in politics,” the friend said, when asked to elaborate. “There’s a lot of swearing. It’s a general part of the day. And this was unique.”

On a Saturday in May 1997, at the age of 44, Farren married Mary Margaret Scharf, then 31, “a very chipper, upbeat, happy person who is also a very meticulous lawyer,” said the friend. “Both of them are very meticulous, organized people.” She was a lawyer, too, also out of the University of Connecticut but raised in Pennsylvania, the daughter of a management consultant and a school nurse. An associate at Steptoe and Johnson at the time, Mary Margaret Farren would later specialize in energy regulation at Skadden, Arps, representing private utilities before a federal board.

Colleagues remember thinking Mike Farren had done very well for himself. The wedding was at St. Peter’s Catholic, not far from the townhouse.

“To me, he was very jovial, interesting to talk to, because of the job he had at the Commerce Department,” said Jim Goldschmidt, a neighbor who as a business editor at the McClatchy (then Knight-Ridder) Washington bureau would try in vain to coax details on Japanese trade deals out of Farren. “I’ll put it this way: He was down-to-earth. Some guys, when they reach a certain position, they get haughty.”

Goldschmidt recalled last seeing Mary Margaret supervising a kitchen remodeling effort, during maternity leave after the birth of their first girl seven years ago. “I never saw any evidence that they had any trouble at all,” Goldschmidt said.

In addition to the Capitol Hill townhouse, the Farrens also had a second, bigger home, in Edgewater, Md., in a gated community overlooking the South River, outside Annapolis. Neighbors say Xerox bought the house when they moved home to Connecticut in 2004. Mike had been named general counsel, overseeing all legal affairs for a $15 billion multinational headquartered in Norwalk.

The place they bought in New Canaan was bigger still: 388 Wahackme Rd. runs 9,500 square feet, a five-bedroom, seven-bath pile tucked well away even by local standards. The iron gate separates its private driveway from the private road that runs from Wahackme.

“But you know what?” said Sue Delaney, who counsels victims of domestic violence in the area. “Nobody can hear you scream.”

‘Only the furniture’ is different

Of the support groups operated by the area Domestic Violence Crisis Center, the one staff calls “the 2.5 Group” is made up of women living on parcels of at least 2 1/2 acres. The residential zoning accounts for a landscape of woods, stately homes and winding roads that come together so pleasantly a motorist can drive 45 minutes looking for an address without feeling the faintest anxiety.

And yet, when center director Rachelle Kucera Mehra talked to groups of 25 or 30 in New Canaan, more than a quarter of the women approached her afterward to report either growing up in a violent household or having left a violent relationship.

“That was staggering,” she said. “I’ve never had that percent seek me out.”

Attorneys for Mary Margaret Farren did not return a reporter’s calls. Colleagues at Skadden Arps repeated the firm’s instructions to turn aside media inquiries. But advocates for battered women in southeastern Connecticut spoke of the Farren case as a refresher on the lesson first taught a quarter-century ago, when 6-foot-10-inch John Fedders lost the Security and Exchange Commission chairmanship after his wife, Charlotte, described an 18-year marriage of tyranny and beatings.

“Whether you’re in a 2.5 or in subsidized housing, the dynamic is surely the same,” Delaney said. “It’s only the furniture that’s different.”

They have stories.

“There was this dentist, when they went out to dinner she could only look down at her plate or at him,” Delaney said. “And she was only allowed to chew her food a certain way.”

“We’ve had guys put GPS’s in their wives’ car” to track their days,” she said. One sneaked into the basement, using a baby monitor to eavesdrop on the house he’d left.

“Domestic violence,” said Kucera Mehra, “is about power and control.”

There’s no shortage of either here. With a population of 19,000, New Canaan has a town budget of $100 million. It has a municipal health and human services department, with five full-time employees. In October, purple ribbons on lapels mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

But isolation comes as easily as community. And Connecticut is one of only five states that does not fund shelters around the clock.

“I’ve been here for 50 years and I don’t know anybody on my street anymore,” said Genevieve Radtke, 90, who like most moved from New York City, an hour’s drive away. “I only see them driving in their car and their cars have black windows. That’s the way it is here.”

Said her friend Delores Klein, 67: “That’s one of the things people buy for is that issue of privacy. If you want to get involved, you can. If you don’t want to get involved, you’re left alone.”

In Connecticut, Mary Margaret Farren worked from home. For the last year, her husband was there, too. Mike Farren had left Xerox in June 2007 and joined the White House of George W. Bush. He was a deputy to Fred Fielding, with an office in the West Wing and oversight of two dozen lawyers in the Eisenhower Office Building next door.

In an office frantically busy as a matter of routine, handling every legal issue that can come before a president, a half dozen lawyers were hired for Bush’s final year, as subpoenas rained in from Hill Democrats who smelled blood in the unusual dismissal of seven U.S. attorneys. None would be interviewed.

“It’s not a political hot potato,” said Amy Dunathan, who was an associate counsel. “It’s not that. It’s only personal. What do you do when a colleague, who you really liked and respected . . . I can’t really put it into words. We’re truly shocked to our cores.”

One White House colleague remembered Farren as sensitive to lawyers’ morale, but also rigidly preoccupied with hierarchy and the process he was charged with overseeing.

“When I saw him get really, really mad at people, it was if people didn’t show the proper deference to the hierarchy,” said the colleague, who asked not to be identified because of the notoriety of the Farren case.

“I never saw anybody at the White House get as mad at his secretaries and assistants. It was very unusual. He would raise his voice very high and get red-faced. He would gesticulate a lot.”

Farren left before the election, returning to Connecticut and the personal fortune accumulated while at Xerox. The second baby, Elizabeth, was born in September. Mary Margaret was at the home of a friend, police wrote, when the process-server notified her husband Jan. 4, a Monday.

“I could no longer remain married and live in a marital relationship where I was in a state of almost constant anxiety as a result of the Defendant’s temper, volatility and personality,” she later wrote.

It’s unclear whether the couple saw each other before that Wednesday night, when, according to police accounts, Mike Farren said he wanted her to drop the proceedings and stay together. She said she could not. He walked toward her.

When she said, “Do not approach me,” he “exploded in rage,” she told police. She has flowing brunette hair. Her husband pulled out “gobs” of it, she said. She said he threw her across the room and began hitting her with a metal flashlight. On the floor, she passed out for a time, she told police, and went briefly blind when he strangled her.

Then she remembered the alarm button on the security system, which automatically summoned police.

“Don’t hit the alarm button,” Mike Farren warned, according to the police account. When she managed to do so, “he went nuts” at the sound, she reported. Again, the flashlight.

At this point, according to the affidavit, she pleaded with him to stop, saying they could work it out. He paused for a moment, she wrote, then decided: “You’re just saying that because you’re scared.”

Mike Farren then announced he was going to slit his wrists, his wife said. She told police he took a kitchen knife into the bathroom and made an effort to get her in as well. Instead she scrambled to her daughter’s room screaming, “Daddy’s trying to kill me,” got the startled barefoot girl and her infant sister down to the garage, into the BMW sedan and past the gate.

The bloody BMW keys were photographed as evidence. So was Mary Margaret’s lacerated face, broken nose, broken jaw, bruised arms, legs, torso. In an image now attached to the divorce action, she leans forward in the emergency room, the entire chair behind her black with blood. Police ended the interview the second time she began vomiting blood.

“Generally in the more affluent areas, the level of violence is far more severe,” said Kucera Mehra, who emphasized that owing to confidentiality obligations she was discussing not the Farren case, but the rationale commonly passed on by women stunned to find themselves in a shelter:

” ‘I’m a professional. I’m highly educated. I have a family, an extended family, a social life, career. And I have figured this out,’ ” she said they say.

” ‘I’m aware of this level of control that’s been part of my life, but I’ve felt that I can manage that. I’m going to make this relationship work. I’ve made everything work before.’ “

The judge cut the victim’s request in half, moving $15 million beyond her husband’s reach. He remains in Garner Correctional Institution, a maximum security prison in Newtown.

Mary Margaret Scharf Farren, 43, is an attorney at the prestigious Skadden, Arps firm in Washington, D.C.  She lives in a 4,300 square foot mansion on a heavily wooded lot with a swimming pool at 388 Wahackme Road in New Canaan, CT.  Their home is worth $4.8  million. 

When she married J. Michael Farren, 57, in Washington, D.C. on May 3, 1997, the marriage was reported in the New York Times.  Her husband was at the time a vice president at Xerox.  He had previously served in the cabinet of Pres. George H.W. Bush as Under Secretary of Commerce for International Trade.  He also served under Pres. George W. Bush as White House deputy counsel. 

Sounds like a fantasy, eh? 

Explosive Rage Behind Closed Doors 

On Monday, January 4, 2010, Ms. Farren served divorce papers on her husband.  He had been emotionally abusive and hit her once three years ago. 

On Wednesday, January 6, Ms. Farren attempted to discuss the divorce with her husband.  He wanted to reconcile.  She refused due to his explosive temper.  In typical pit bull fashion, he attempted to murder her in their third-floor master bedroom. 

The police report details a bloody battle.  Mr. Farren tackled her to the floor, pulled out “gobs of hair,” and beat her with a metal flashlight until she passed out.  He strangled her until she lost her sight.  She regained consciousness, but couldn’t see to hit the panic alarm.  He threatened: 

. . .don’t hit the alarm button. . . 

At 10:00 PM, she found it and the alarm sounded.  “He went nuts” and continued to beat her with the flashlight. 

Then, he got a large knife and threatened to slit his wrists.  Ms. Farren seized the opportunity to flee with the couple’s two young daughters, and infant and a 7-year-old: 

. . .daddy’s trying to kill me.  We have to leave now. 

Ms. Farren drove her BMW to a neighbor’s house at 855 Weed Street ~ the first house she saw with lights on.  She didn’t know her neighbors, but they responded when she honked the car’s horn and banged on their door.  They must have been horrified to open their door to see a woman bleeding profusely with two little kids in her car. 

Ms. Farren’s was hospitalized for a broken jaw, facial fractures, and lacerations. 

John Michael Farren was arrested for attempted murder, first-degree assault, and first-degree strangulation.  He was placed on suicide watch in the jail’s psychiatric ward. 

 

Will Ms. Farren Be Safe?

Mr. Farren pled not guilty.  Judge Bruce P. Hudock set bail at $2 million and issued an order of protection.  Mr. Farren was ordered to surrender his passport and shotgun.  Ms. Farren’s attorney Andrew Bowman told the judge:

She is terrified of him and we ask as many restrictions be placed upon him as possible.

She believes that when he is released that he will find her and kill her and their children.  She has requested bodyguards and personal security measures given his “past associations and resources.”  In other words, she knows he can easily hire a hit man.

She is suing her husband for $30 million because her injuries prevent her from working.  If convicted, her husband could be sentenced to 30 years in prison.  In addition, she is concerned he will use their $4.8 million home as collateral for his $2 million bond.  In her affidavit she told the court:

Given the community in which we live, and the station of living to which we are accustomed, and our plans for the future life and education of our children, the defendant’s obligations to support his children are substantial. 

The Stamford Advocate reported the couple has substantial assets including:

. . .several bank accounts containing hundreds of thousands of dollars, one with $1.8 million and another with $1 million.

A judge froze $15 million of Mr. Farren’s assets.  A request to suspend his law license was denied because the judge didn’t think there was a risk he’d be representing clients from the jail’s psychiatric ward.

Mr. Farren’s Fall from Grace

Mr. Farren had been a rising star in the Republican Party.  But, he apparently hasn’t worked since he left the Bush Administration under a bit of a cloud in July, 2008.  I’m a little curious about how a guy making $158,500/year collected such massive assets.

The Connecticut Law Tribune did some digging:

“It seems like a pretty big fall from being general counsel at Xerox and the number two at the Department of Commerce.”

Farren also seems to have made some enemies within the Republican Party during his time in Washington. . .served as deputy campaign manager for the George H.W. Bush’s re-election campaign, he also left the Department of Commerce in 1992 for what one presidential aide described as “delibertately trying to manufacture unnecessary political controversies,” according to [an April 20] 1992 story in the Legal Times. . .

. . .Farren had angered some Republicans and corporate backers for taking a tough stance on foreign companies that violated laws by selling imported products at below-market rates.  “He has a prickly nature, is hot-tempered and stubborn.”

The original 1992 Legal Times article “Bush’s Trade Strongman. . .Pursues Task with Politically Costly Zeal” was reprinted in their blog:

. . .due to his energetic role in several highly charged trade issues, Farren’s stock at the White House is falling. . .

Farren, whose decisions affect key sectors of the American economy, supervises a small army of bureaucrats who are charged with protecting troubled U.S. companies from unfair trade practices. . .anti-dumping. . .import restrictions affecting steel, semiconductors, machine tools, lumber, and automobiles. . .threatening thousands of U.S. jobs. . .[If you don't have a manufacturing-related job now, you can pretty much blame Mr. Farren.]

“Farren has recently dropped three turds in Bush’s lap.”

Four officials. . .are tired of spending their days trying to resolve controversies that. . .should have been handled more deftly by Farren.

The Stamford Advocate reported that he was involved in the scandal involving the dismissal of several U.S. attorneys.

This is why reporters and bloggers are raising their eyebrows over a statement made by Fred Fielding, who was Mr. Farren’s boss at the White House:

This report [of the attempted murder] is sad and stunning and completely out of character to anyone who knows or has worked with Mike.

Other Republican politicians are drawing ire for brushing attempted murder off as a “private matter.”

Abuse of Power Begins at Home

This case is exactly why I so frequently get on my soapbox about breaking down the walls of silence about domestic violence.

The general public doesn’t connect the dots between the loss of their jobs and what went on behind closed doors and locked security gates in Connecticut.  Powerful men who abuse their loved ones tend to abuse the power entrused to them too.

Mr. Farren isn’t the first Bush administration official who engaged in deadly domestic violence.  On July 13, 2006, William H. Lash III, who was assistant secretary of commerce, murdered his 12-year-old autistic son before turning the shotgun on himself.  His wife, Sharon K. Zackula, had just fled the house after being physically assaulted by her husband.  They lived in McLean, Virginia.

© 2010, Anne Caroline Drake
    All Rights Reserved.

 

Jenny Sanford changed forever the paradigm of women standing by their powerful, cheating husbands.  She believes they need to be held accountable.  I agree.  I don’t think Tiger Woods would have apologized some 14 times to his wife Elin if it hadn’t been for Jenny Sanford.  

She kicked her narcissistic, emotionally and financially abusive, self-absorbed, cheap, cheating husband Mark (governor of South Carolina) to the curb.  She didn’t bail him out when he asked for her help on how to save his sorry behind with the press.  Instead, she packed up the kids and moved to their beach house on Sullivan’s Island near Charleston, S.C.  She had hoped that rattling around in an empty governor’s mansion might help him get his priorities and values straight. 

 

Don’t let somebody else’s poor choices 

hurt your self-esteem or your own sense of self. 

- Jenny Sullivan Sanford 

Revenge or Mission to Inspire? 

Reviewers of Jenny’s best-selling memoir Staying True suggest she’s out for revenge.  I don’t agree.  That’s not her style.  I think Time got it right: 

Hers is not the story of a dull wife who was passed over for an exotic woman in Argentina, but rather the tale of the true captain of a family ship, unbowed by the squalls. 

Ruth Marcus, in the Washington Post opined: 

. . .she has apparently concluded ~ correctly so ~ that the person who is humiliated by her husband’s affair is, in fact, her husband, not her.  And so she is not standing by his side, but she is not hiding in a hole, either. . . 

Wow.  Maybe this is a new role model for all wronged spouses, not just political ones. 

CNN reported that Jenny phoned several key political allies and urged them not to call for Mark’s impeachment ~ “maneuvering that may have saved his job.  That detail goes unmentioned in the book.” 

Jenny’s dignity comes naturally to women from the society families of Chicago’s North Shore.  It is a milieu I understand well.  Marriages are often more financial merger than romantic relationship.  Men tend not to be faithful, and their wives are conditioned to bear it with locked-jaw grace. 

Integrity, strength of character, and hard work were instilled by her parents and grandparents.  She is heiress to a family fortune founded in the Skil Corporation, the Milwaukee Braves, and the Winston & Strawn law firm. 

She received her degree from Georgetown in finance before a high-powered investment banking career at Lazard Freres & Co. as vice-president of mergers and acquisitions with a focus on media and communicaitons companies.  During a Memorial Day, 1987 beach party at the Hamptons, she met her future husband.  As they cut their wedding cake, I’m sure she was dreaming of an enduring, loving marriage like her parents and grandparents enjoyed:

. . .loyalty was at the root of good marriages. . .loving them warts and all.

 

I did think we were a good team. 

Marriage is a vow of faithfulness and fidelity. 

- Jenny Sullivan Sanford 

Red Flags 

In many respects, I got the sense that Jenny’s biological clock was ticking, and the men in her dating pool were more cad than great father material.  It was sobering to read that a woman with her pedigree, beauty, and money would find herself kissing a bunch of toads and settling for a mediocre man. 

That’s why I can fully appreciate why she chose to ignore the red flags that littered their relationship.  Perhaps she was like the proverbial frog being brought to a slow boil: 

I had long since realized that marriage to Mark was not going to be all roses or romance.  Certainly I didn’t always feel loved. . .I rationalized. 

  • She first visited Mark in South Carolina for New Year’s Eve.  He left a beat-up car with a stick shift (which she didn’t know how to drive) for her at the airport with directions on how to drive through the foggy lowlands to Coosaw, his family’s coastal farm/plantation.  She got lost and called the hostess who told her that Mark had already left for the party:
    • . . .making me drive myelf didn’t suggest that I was someone he was dying to see.
  • He refused to promise to be faithful when they said their wedding vows.
  • She took over the family checkbook to preserve her sanity.  He micromanaged every dime she spent.  To avoid petty disagreements, she negotiated an overall budget which allowed her to make spending and saving decisions.
  • He refused to attend her beloved grandfather’s funeral because he didn’t know the man well.  He didn’t, however, have problems spending her inheritance.
  • He refused to go to Lamaze classes before Marshall, their first son, was born.  Her sister Kathy flew in to do the honors.
  • She was still in the hospital recovering from the birth of John Landon, their second son, when he informed her that he was running for Congress and expected her to run his campaign for free.  The campaign was funded by money from her inheritance.
  • He routinely forgot her birthday (September 11), gave her a $25 used bike for her birthday/Christmas, and returned a diamond necklace because he thought it was too expensive.
  • He rented out their beach house during their trip to Seattle for her brother’s wedding.  She and the boys had to stay in a hotel because Mark got the dates wrong:
    • Our relationship was chilly that weekend. . .I thought he was incredibly self-absorbed and disconnected from reality and from me.
  • He returned to Congress and portrayed her as an irrationally angry wife to his colleagues and enlisted them to have a “chat” with her about withholding sex as punishment.
  • The day before their fourth son, Blake Christian, was born, she hosted a party in their home for 30 men to honor Sen. John McCain.  The day after Blake’s birth, she was alone to get her tubes tied.  Mark had decamped to Washington, D.C.:
    • I had become perfectly accustomed to managing alone.  My independence gave Mark tacit permission to leave.
  • He badgered her relentlessly to run his campaign for governor ~ for free.
  • An aide ordered her to reschedule dinner.  She was finding Mark’s temper increasingly hard to endure:
    • . . .he was beginning to be short with me. . .my role as a sounding board and adviser had taken some of the romance out of our relationship. . .I got the brunt of his complaints and his worries. . .he was never short with constituents or with the man on the street. . .I asked for time away. . .Mark wholeheartedly agreed. . .somehow those plans always got squeezed out. 
  • After he got caught cheating, he demanded she give him permission to continue seeing his mistress: 
    • I felt it was one thing to forgive adultery but in no way could I condone it. . .searching my heart to know if the right reaction was to leave him.
  • He bought his ticket to Argentina minutes after promising to end his affair.
  • He returned from “getting Argentine tail” when everyone thought he was ”hiking the Appalachian trail” and begged her to coach him on his press conference.  He had the audacity to whine, “Jenny, be gentle with me.”
  • When another woman came forward with allegations of an affair, he again asked her advice:
    • I was gut-punched all over again. . .he wanted to know what I thought he should reveal in the interview.  . .asking for my advice instead of first considering how the news might make me feel. . .only really admitting his indiscretions because the woman had come forward, forcing him to come clean. . .Mark had had yet more dalliances.

 

There’s nobody cheaper than this guy. 

- Jenny Sullivan Sanford 

What Took Her So Long to Toss Him to the Curb? 

Jenny, a devout Irish Catholic, clearly took her wedding vows quite seriously and invested heavily (emotionally as well as financially) in the relationship.  But, about half way through the book, I started wondering why?  She was clearly the brains on their team. 

Perhaps she had acclimated herself too thoroughly into the culture of South Carolina: 

I have come to love South Carolina deeply, but I’m not blind to the challenges still in place for women there. . .an old-fashioned chauvinism that would have women stay out of positions of power or strength. . .they forget that South Carolina has plenty of strong and succesful women in its history. 

 

I’m surrounded by the self-absorbed male. 

- Jenny Sullivan Sanford 

Self-care and Planning the Family’s Future 

At the end of Mark’s first term, Jenny decided she would enjoy her role as First Lady and raising their sons during his second term.  However, she started to notice a disparity in the pace of their lives.  He wanted to snuggle with political ambition while she wanted to snuggle with their sons: 

My eyes were trained on the horizon too, but my vision of it was us at the beach. . .launching our four fine young men into the world. 

I found myself starved for real friendship.  Many of our true friends were reluctant to call us because they assumed we were busy. . .All I wanted was the company of real friends instead of the tiresome busyness and loneliness that came with the job and the house. 

 

She Never Walked Alone 

Jenny was lucky.  Although she was frequently isolated from friends and family due to the demands of Mark’s job, they were exceedingly loyal ~ especially Mark’s friends Cubby and Lalla Lee Culbertson.  A Washington, D.C. friend gave her counsel: 

Jack understood men in power well. . .I needed to resist the urge to rant or get back at Mark. . .I should hand these hurts to Jack, who would confront Mark. . .Jack backed me up. . .I left the punishment up to someone else. 

I didn’t want to make a rash decision that would bring down Mark’s career. . .I was thinking of the boys, who didn’t deserve this.  

Jenny drew strength from her faith as well as her mother Susan’s (a 25-year-cancer survivor) example: 

My mother never let the challenges of life divert her from her main goals. . .my mother’s persevering spirit.  As the only survivor of an experimental cancer treatment program twenty years ago, she is an inspiration to me today because of her positive spirit.  She was a warrior in the face of certain death. . .She never wanted to appear as if she was just about to die.  She has her sights set on living. . .enjoying every minute. 

 

An Old Testament woman with a 170 IQ. 

- unidentified Mark Sanford aide 

Back to the Beach and Sullivan’s Island 

Jenny wrote extensively in her journal and meditated each day on Bible verses: 

I felt a peace that came from knowing that I had acted in the best manner I knew possible in this marriage, I had loved to the best of my ability. . . 

Rarely is forgiveness instinctive.  Forgiveness has to be learned, and even practiced. . . 

Holding a grudge takes time and energy. . .The more I let go, the freer I felt. 

Yet I was not at all free from the kind of hurt Mark had inflicted.  He had lied right to my face and gone to see his lover. . .deceived me, disregarded my emotions, my needs, my desires, my basic integrity. . .I walked the beach and reminded myself daily and joyfully of who I was and how I had been blessed. . . 

Saying “I forgive you” is not the same as saying “what you have done is okay.”  If I continued to deny Mark my forgiveness, I would remain entangled in his emotions. . .He was supremely self-absorbed. . .not concerned about my feelings.  I had become an abstraction to him, an obstacle. . .Forgiveness, then, was for me. . . 

Forgiveness. . .gave us the freedom to move forward happily, free from our unfortunate situation. 

Ultimately, she realized she had to tell her sons about their father’s affair because she didn’t want them to learn it from the press or via rumor.  Her son Bolton responded with true Irish humor:  “This is going to be worse than Eliot Spitzer!”  She wanted her boys to learn: 

. . .you may choose your sin but you cannot choose the consequences. . .dishonesty rarely serves one well, and it is always better to “walk in the truth.” 

I hope they learn, if you treat your wife poorly, sometimes you might lose your wife.  So, character and integrity matter. 

 

Not only will I survive, I’ll thrive. 

-Jenny Sullivan Sanford 

The Rhythm of the Ocean Soothed Her Soul 

Gradually, their lives settled into a routine.  She finds joy every day: 

Nothing rejuvenates my spirit more than a walk along the shore. . .feel closer to God. . .difficult to feel anger or to wallow in my suffering. . .put my life in perspective. . .I can hear the beach calling to me. . .I release. . .Daily chores. . .distract me. . . 

I have peace. . .gratitude. . .no space. . .for one drop of bitterness or regret. . . 

I will persevere with my feet firmly planted ~ preferably with some sand between my toes ~ focused on my priorities and looking onward and every upward. 

Jenny Sullivan Sanford filed for divorce on December 11, 2009. 

Note:  Earlier post on Jenny Sullivan Sanford. 

© 2010, Anne Caroline Drake
    All Rights Reserved.

Women often remain in violent relationships because they don’t have the money to get out.  The Avon Foundation is hoping to change this. 

In 2004, the Avon Foundaiton launched their Speak Out Against Domestic Violence campaign.  So far, they’ve donated over $12 million to more than 400 domestic violence organizations.  That’s why they’re on my blogroll of donation recommendations. 

Yesterday, they announced grant guidelines for 2010

Domestic violence victims may be less likely to leave and stay away from abusers if they have limited hope of achieving economic stability on their own.  Additionally, this lack of economic stability or programs may increase the likelihood of a return to the abuser or lead to homelessness.  The creation and funding of the Avon Empowerment Self-Sufficiency Program will make an immediate, tangible difference for DV survivors by providing them with guidance and assistance to create independent, violence-free lives. 

Up to 30 grants will be awarded totaling up to $1.5 million in 2010. 

The application deadine is April 16, 2010.  Funding is for October 1, 2010 through September 30, 2011.  I’m psyched about this round of grants because recipients will have measurable outcomes including proof of things like job placement.  At a minimum, recipients will have to help people with: 

  • affordable housing and public aid
  • scholarships
  • job training, education, and employment agencies
  • public-use of computers
  • business clothing advice

Avon works primarily with the National Family Justice Center Alliance to deliver services to people who have experienced domestic violence.

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