This page is an annotation of my posts on my Complex-PTSD therapy sessions with Kate.
The silver lining of my most recent PTSD episode is that I have found a wonderful therapist named Kate who seems to know what she’s doing. She practices hypnosis which I have heard is highly effective. We aren’t there yet. I still have major trust issues.
In reading other PTSD posts, I realize that many folks with PTSD might benefit by being allowed to go along on my therapy ride. We’re all navigating uncharted waters until the Veteran’s Administration’s research comes up with viable treatment protocols that will hopefully trickle down to the general public. To read more,click here.
Kate sent me home with the assignment to recall valuable life lessons I learned from my grandmother. And, she advised that when life threw me a curve ball that I assign my adult self the role of being loving grandmother to the terrified child within. In essence, this is a way we can serve as enlightened witnesses for ourselves if nobody shows up to protect us from abuse.
In the midst of a PTSD episode, we often feel abject powerlessness. Everyone seems to have control of our destiny but us. How do we effectively ask for help. . .especially when our life’s pattern is that nobody shows up?
“Grandpa, will I grow up to be a good man or a bad man?”
“Well, son, that depends on which dog you feed.”
This is the story that began my third therapy session with Kate. I was as confused as the little boy.
Kate drew a volcano on her white board to depict my emotions. On top of the volcano, she drew the steel dome which I delude myself into thinking will contain the pain. The heat of all those emotions, however, is melting the dome. When iron gets hot enough, it melts into liquid steel.
Kate pushed my “not good enough” buttons. I didn’t explode. I shut down. Completely.
After Kate cracked me open like an egg during our fourth session, she started helping me put the Humpty Dumpty pieces back together again during our fifth session.
We often have to demolish what was in our life before we can rebuild on firm foundations.