Mushrooms growing on tree trunk

My late cousin Judith Vollbracht was a cartographer (she drew maps for a living).  She created the maps that became the planned community of Mill Creek, Washington.  It came to life as a golf course community and grew to have its own town center.  Hiking trails are laced through reforested old-growth wetlands and around the golf course.  It is a perfect blend of big-city convenience and suburban ambience.

When she heard I was going on a much-needed vacation, RitaAnita Linger asked me to capture my adventures in photos.   I decided that it was time to finally hike the trails my cousin mapped out.

I had never seen mushrooms growing on the side of a tree.

A budding rhododendron will always make my heart sing.

Although feeding ducks is frowned upon here in Washington state, the ducks know families with little kids and old people are soft-hearted suckers.

These ducklings are several weeks old, and I was thrilled to see them.  The trail features a series of ponds, and the ducks in the pond behind the Mill Creek town center are exceedingly tame beggars.

The drake families on this pond rewarded me with wonderful photo opportunities.  I apologize to my subscribers that the photos today may not all appear in your e-mail message.  There’s nothing I can do to control this.  If you’d like to see the photos, please click on the links or visit my Facebook page.

Daniel Horton

Daniel Horton

The Family Law Courts are full of CHILD PREDATORS / CHILD MOLESTERS.

Please come and bring signs if you wish. We’ll meet at west side entrance of courthouse on 8th street between G and H .

If you need, wear a medical mask and a disguise, to prevent retaliation. This protest is inclusive of all PARENTS, MOTHERS, FATHERS, FAMILIES, TAXPAYERS AND ALL ADVOCATES FOR GOOD against the abuses, harm , child molestation, kidnapping, murder of our children by the FRAUDULENT AND CORRUPT FAMILY LAW COURTS.
DO NOT BUY INTO THE DECEPTION FROM THOSE THAT PROMOTE
“THE DIVIDE AND CONQUER TACTICS” – WE ARE UNITED –
Mothers, Fathers and Children AGAINST THE FRAUD AND CORRUPTION IN THE FAMILY LAW COURTS, CPS, AND OTHER GOVT / JUDICIARY AGENCIES

Ms. Field has won every acting award including two Oscars for best actress for Norma Rae andPlaces in the Heart.  The awards ~ including Emmys and Golden Globes ~ are showcased in her den.  One of the Emmys is for her role as Nora Walker in Brothers & Sisters.  In her acceptance speech, she made her infamous critique of the war and was censored by Fox.  She told Oprah that a mother’s sensibility springs from, “a soul that cares about the future more than you care about yourself.”

Vital Voices CEO Alyse Nelson and Sally Field

The ripple effect is astonishing and earned her recognition in 2010 by NBC’s Making a Difference.  I urge you to watch the video and be inspired.

Eve Ensler, Jane Fonda, Sally Field

. . .the emotional abuse was even worse [than the physical abuse].  But in some ways, he saved my life. Even though my mother is a loving person, she and my real father were extremely passive and repressed.  My stepfather, on the other hand, created a situation in which my survival was dependent on getting angry.  So when I was 14 or 15, I would literally stand on the coffee table to look this 6’5″ man in the face and scream at him.  During my adolescence, that was the only communication that could go on between us.  I couldn’t swallow my feelings, or something in me would have died.  I fought for everybody else in the family, too, including my older brother.

There was always the threat of violence in the air, and a few times, it turned physical.  I never felt safe. In high school, acting is what I did to stay sane.  It wasn’t about showing off; it was about revealing parts of myself that I couldn’t reveal anyplace else.

Sally Field as Gidget

Ms. Field unwinds at her home overlooking the ocean in Malibu. She knits, does needlepoint, and reads.  Twice divorced, she told Good Housekeeping that she may be incapable of sharing her life with a man.  She delights in her three sons and her grandchildren.  She has a rich, full life.

 She survived.  She’s thriving and has found joy.  She is making a difference internationally to prevent violence against women and children.

 October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  Please join me in wearing your purple and celebrating survivors.

Robin L. Smith, Ph.D.

She’s beautiful.  She’s brilliant.  She’s got a Ph.D. in psychology.  Her parents were excellent role models for an enduring marriage.  Yet, she fell for the lies she heard at the altar.  Dr. Robin L. Smith has been there ~ done it ~ twice.  The third time was a charm, but he died.  

A decade later, she became Oprah’s relationship guru.  She has written two books:  Lies at the Altar:  The Truth About Great Marriages and “Inspirational Vitamins” A Guide to Personal Empowerment.

Dr. Smith earned her Ph.D. in counseling psychology from Temple University, her master’s degree from Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary, and obtained her undergraduate degree from LaSalle University.  She is a licensed psychologist, adjunct professor, and ordained minister.  Pepsi selected her to be in their We Inspire campaign for her wisdom:

We must know at whose feet to kneel and who is unworthy of that sacred position of humility and honor. . .I learned this lesson the painful way.

Show Up as a Grown-Up

Dr. Smith knows how we feel because she’s one of us:

I was once in a long relationship with a man whose addiction ruled our lives.  The breakup was devastating and deeply painful. . .facing the truth of why I had stayed so long.  Why I had remained with a man whose love and loyalty were devoted to his addictions.  Why I had lied to myself while enabling his lies to flourish.  As his lies blossomed, I was being killed softly.  Life. . .had stopped for me.  The self I thought I had was evaporating. . .fading away. . .no longer there. . .

Being with this man almost killed me ~ almost crushed my bright and resilient spirit and tampered with my sturdy and robust mind.  He wanted to rob me of my very essence. . .I let him. . .How had I, a highly trained professional with what I thought were nearly flawless intuitive skills, become involved with such an imposter?

. . .I gave away my power, thinking it would soothe him. . .I made meals out of crumbs and smiled as I ate the crumbs in order to appear full and satisfied. . .I was looking for a way to make something work that made no sense. 

Conditioning:  Master the Frozen Smile

Dr. Smith’s mother, Rosa Lee Smith, had a master’s degree and her own successful career.  Her husband’s (Warren E. Smith, M.D.) needs came first.  Perfection and accomplishment were honored more than self-care:

I was raised in a family in which women (very smart women, I might add) existed only in the reflection of strong and successful men. . .painful to be a nonperson. . .mastering the frozen smile. . .The important thing was to keep the relationship, because it was the only way we believed we could be significant enough to exist.  Pretending was our modus operandi. . .drink cyanide and call it Kool-Aid. . .walk around in the dark and call it light. . .old family themes and patterns holding us hostage.

We get a million messages that if a relationship doesn’t work that it is our fault.  Our feelings of self worth are undermined in blatant and subtle ways.  We choose to be blind to warning signs because we are constantly told we are nothing without a man.  We want the fairy tale even when it is abundantly clear that it can’t withstand the harsh light of truth.

So, where do we start to unravel this mess?  Dr. Robin suggests:

Look at your adult relationships and you will see what’s still unfinished in your childhood.

Private Life

Dr. Smith’s private life is private.  In 2006, she told the Philadelphia Inquirer that she was married at age 23.  The marriage lasted only five years because “we weren’t grown-ups.”  She had a significant relationship with a man “whose addiction ruled our lives.”  Sadly, the “love of [her] life” collapsed on the beach in 1994 and passed away.  She now draws a boundary on her private life:

My private life is something that’s mine, and I’ve worked hard to maintain that boundary. I like to keep things very clear, and full of integrity.

At the time, she had an office on Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia with her late father’s name on the door.

 She survived.  She’s thriving and has found joy.  She created the map for us to follow.

 October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  Please join me in wearing your purple and celebrating survivors.

Purple Ribbons at 4th Pres, Chicago

 

Why has Between Friends been so effective?  In Ms. Doherty’s own words:

Almost six years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My partner threw me a “Good-Bye Boobie” party. . .

Every year at this time, I ask myself, “Why do we celebrate breast cancer survivors but shame survivors of domestic violence?  We ask these women “Why do you stay?” instead of “Why is he abusive?”  We never blame women for the lump in their breast.  We support them with “Good-Bye Boobie” parties and most importantly, we look for a cure.

So it’s clear to me that this country needs more purple.

Ms. Weldon’s op-ed “My Female Colleagues Told Me Not to Talk About the Abuse.  I Did It Anyway” was published in yesterday’s Huffington Post and promoted in today’s AOL headlines.  It’s a powerful piece about the difference one person can make by using the power of her words to break down the walls of silence.  Ms. Weldon shares how a Pulitzer Prize-winning colleague warned it would end her career:

“You will have ‘victim’ on your name tag for the rest of your life. . .You will be known for this forever.”

She told me I would never escape the label of a battered woman. She told me I was damned to be forever served up on the talk shows and identified in all my work as the woman who was abused by her husband. No matter what I did, this took precedence. No one would ever take me seriously or give me a reporting or writing assignment that was unrelated to the abuse; and the market for victim journalists was small.

We hung up that afternoon and never spoke again.

I needed support, not criticism. I wrote the book in stolen moments over the next three years, beginning when my sons were six, four and one. Now, 12 years after the publication of I Closed My Eyes (Hazelden, 1999), a book reprinted in seven languages, and selling many, many tens of thousands of copies, I have published a million more words since in other books, newspapers, magazines, websites and keynotes. But my memoir remains my single greatest personal and professional accomplishment. . .

It’s true that no woman wants to have “victim” on her name tag for the rest of her life.

But more than that, no woman wants it on her headstone.

I have spent every waking hour this October writing stories that celebrate survivors because I knew at my core that if we are to have peace at home, survivors will be the ones who will make it happen.  It is up to us to make sure people wear purple and know that October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month too.

4th Pres was my church home when I lived in Chicago.  John Buchanan, who is retiring early next year, is a phenomenal, progressive spiritual leader.  Still, when I was a member, no one would dare whisper the words “domestic violence.”  On the sidewalk outside 4th Pres, the judge vowed to protect me always.  This was before he put a gun to my head and threatened with conviction, “I can kill you and get away with it.”

I wasn’t safe in Chicago.  The judge knew all my haunts and friends.  Of all the things that I miss about Chicago, I miss 4th Pres and John Buchanan’s sermons the most.  I miss my walks along the lake and the Oak Street beach with the Drake Hotel in the background.  So, I was exceedingly touched to see all those purple ribbons and the luminaria.  The survivor art exhibit and a call for everyone to wear purple are ideas too cool for words.  My friend Kiwi Mary in New Zealand has asked her staff to wear purple on Friday.  I can’t wait to see their photos posted on Between Friends’ web page along with all of your photos wearing purple and a smile.

Bravo, Between Friends!  Bravo!

On the day she graduated from high school, Norma Stark accepted Gordon Yeager’s marriage proposal.  Ten hours later, they were married on May 26, 1939, in State Center, Iowa, where they reared their family, were active in the community, and owned several businesses.

On October 12, they were involved in a traffic accident.  They were taken to the intensive care unit at the Marshalltown Medical & Surgical Center in Marshalltown, Iowa.  Their son Dennis told KCCI:

They brought them in the same room in intensive care and put them together ~ and they were holding hands in ICU.  They were not really responsive.

His sister, Donna Yeager Sheets, told ABC:

They joined hands; his right hand, her left hand.

Mysteriously, Mr. Yeager’s heart beats appeared on the monitor after he stopped breathing at 3:38 PM.  How could this be?  Ms. Sheets shared:

The nurse said Dad was picking up Mom’s heartbeat through Mom’s hand.

Mrs. Yeager passed away at 4:48 PM.  They had been together for 72 years.  You can watch KCCI’s moving coverage of this love story at the Huffington Post and on WCPO.   The Times-Republican reported in the couple’s obituary:

They are survived by their children: Donna Sheets of State Center and Dennis Yeager of State Center, Norma’s sister Virginia Kell of San Diego, California, and Gordon’s brother Roger (Vivian) Yeager of Marshalltown, fourteen grandchildren, 29 great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild.

 October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I think we all need to hear sweet stories of couples who treated each other with dignity and respect for 72 years.

 May beautiful memories comfort their loved ones, and may they rest in peace.

 I wish Barbara Clapsaddle, the woman who was critically injured in the other car involved in the Yeager’s accident, a swift and total recovery.