I am writing this letter seeking information on how to open my own help center for victims of sexual and emotional abuse. I am a mother of three adult sons who is still struggling which the nightmare of sexual abuse from my step-father. When I was a young girl growing up I had a low self-esteem. I was labeled the black big lip, big butty girl with the short hair. I was always academically below level in school verses my light skinned A student brother with the wavy hair.
Throughout my years I believed that every man that approached me was trying to do what was already being done to me. Once I moved out of the home at twenty one I began dating a married man and had two sons. After having my two sons’ I became a workaholic. I never felt loved so I didn’t know how to give the proper love to my boys. I believed if I provided them shelter and material item I was doing the right thing. I never wanted totally expose my love to anyone. I was afraid that any love I give my love to would hurt me like the other males that abused me.
Because no one knew that I have been sexually abused for years my goal was to work hard be successful and have this lovely life.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I than married an older man that was abusive mentally; from that marriage I birth another son. After having my third son I began to work more. I didn’t understand why I rather am on a job then at home after some therapy sessions and years of prayer. Finally, I understood why I rather am at work then at home. I was afraid to love my boy unconditionally. I began to realize I had given up on showing my love. I was afraid they would hurt me the same way my birth father did by never around to save me from my hurt and pain of abuse. My step father and uncle who molested me. The failed relationships I had with men that used me for their purposes. Males I really thought loved me. I became afraid to hug my boys to show my true love and emotions to them. I was afraid.
Soon after I began to be this over protected mother who wanted to know where my boys were at all times. I never wanted to live with the horror of closing my eyes then opening to someone harming my boys.
Still I felt if I let down my guards my boys with disrespect and walk over me like every male I have had in my life. “See I thought I needed to keep my molestation a secret in order to keep the peace in the family.
Doing my growing up period my stepfather was abusive to the entire family. But, he had a good job my brother and I was going to a Catholic School our living arrangements was pretty good and my mother was afraid of him. He was an alcoholic he would beat her up and beat my brother when she was gone. My mother seemed like she was not a where of the problems in our home. Then she decided to have four daughters by my abusive stepfather. Because we lived better than most children I know: I didn’t want to tell know one about the physical abuse to my brother and the molestation that was going on in my life.
I figured my brother and I would be adult soon and my sister needed a place to live. I made myself believe that he wanted do those bad things to his own daughter. Unfortunate, the older I got the more I worked the faster my career goals began to disappear. I was very unhappy. My secret refused to stay a secret.
I find out my sisters were leaving their daughters with my step-father. I also find out my mother was still having relations with him. It was a reoccurring night mare. As an adult with three children of my own it was time for me to reveal my secret. I couldn’t allow that bad thing to happen to my nieces. I just couldn’t live with the additional pain of knowing I could have exposed him.
I thought disclosing this information would be removing that heavy burden of secrecy from my heart. I thought my mother and my sisters would be happy. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen that way. My mother and several of my sisters turned against me. I was called a liar. I was said to be jealous because my father didn’t raise me. I was asked why I pretended to love my stepfather if he had molested me. Why did I continue going to his home after becoming an adult? I was accused of being the criminal instead of my stepfather .I was said to have liked it etc. Everything that happens was my fault.

My major problem as of today is the more I try to achieve the more that secret gets in my way and I fail. I was going to college and continued to fail because those same family member that called me a liar needed me I put them first. I was on my job for the Chicago Board of Education for eighteen year and recently lost it because of recession.
Every relationship I have had was unsuccessful; I was used one way or another.
The reason I write this letter is for advice. My dream has always been to open up a business helping girls. I want girls that need help to know that they are not alone in this world. See, I always wanted to know how it felt to be a princess. I observe so many young girls of today without direction. I have heard people called them whores. I have watched how inappropriate they dress. How disrespectful they speak about themselves and other girls. I see our girls of tomorrow using their body as a tool for love. It hurts me. Some of those girls are victims of physical and emotional violence and that’s their way to divulging their pain. Those girls needs some positive people in their lives and way to disclose their secrets .They need be shown how to achieve and feel like a princess.
“Something I always wanted to feel but never given the chance.
My problem is I am stuck. I have had this dream since I was a teen but don’t know how to begin. I have many plans but always end up back to square one. I just need some advice on how to begin my purpose in life. I would like some guidance.

I want my journey to greatness to be a success. My life had not been complete because I haven’t been effective in doing what I believe God wants me to do.

Please someone tell me how to remove this reoccurring secret from my life. I don’t want it to interfere with my goals. Secondly, could someone give me some ideas on how and where to begin? I will be 50years old in August. This will be my dream come true.
My business name will be DRSW

Tell me how I can help some trouble girls fill and act like princess.

Thank You denisechc7@yahoo.com
D.R.S.W

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