When I was in law school, I sat in on the trial of Head v. Head which sounds a whole lot like your case. He was an MD at Northwestern. By the time they got done litigating, the attorneys had all their assets ~ $1.7 million. Her attorney IMHO wrote the book on litigation abuse way back in the early 1980s.

Is your mediator David Shields??? If so, he was the head of chancery before he got sent to prison. He’s also a DePaul alum. I knew him quite well back in the day. I’m not aware that he ever worked in divorce court.

Since I met the judge who has been stalking me since 1992 at a DePaul law alumni dinner, I’m exceedingly reluctant to contact anyone privately. However, I’m psyched about this connection. I would love, love, love to see DePaul take a leadership role in ending litigation abuse. Their professors have done some symposiums on domestic violence.

Jeanne I. King, Ph.D. wrote a very interesting book: ALL BUT MY SOUL about the litigation abuse she experienced in Cook County courts. Her ex is an OB/GYN. I forget where he practices.

LOL ~ I hear you. I will also admit to hoping one day I’ll hear on the news that my own ex has departed this earth. Fortunately, he’s retired from the supreme court ~ but ~ he still sits on the bench from time to time as a substitute judge. I lost count a long time ago of the number of women from his state who have asked me how to confront the judicial corruption in his state.

I’ve been asking myself the same question for 18 years now and haven’t come up with a viable answer.

Thanks for visiting my little site and leaving a comment. I wish you well. . .it helps a whole lot that you graduated from DePaul. . .the judges don’t like to admit bias toward fellow alums. . .it’s there. . .so. . .I’m hoping your ex went to law school elsewhere!

Sending hugs,
Anne Caroline

They do a great deal behind the scenes ~ work that rarely gets publicized ~ that makes a tremendous difference. They immediately, for example, offered legal assistance to one of the women Alexis Moore asked me to help. I was blown away by their quick response to my request and by their generous offer of substantial legal support. However, I was shocked, appalled, and horridly embarrassed that the woman turned down their help. It’s exactly what she claimed she wanted and needed. I was left wondering about her true agenda.

All this being said, I agree completely with you that way more needs to be done. I have been and will continue to be highly critical of many of the state coalitions. I am particularly pissed that the NC Coalition, for example, fired RitaAnita Linger, who was the most amazing advocate for abused women and children in the country.

And, I’m inordinately distressed that so much funding goes to fighting terrorism ~ they just asked for another $33 billion last week for the war in Afghanistan ~ abroad while so very little goes to fighting the terrorism so many of us experience every day in our homes.

I participated in a conference call last week including someone from the Department of Justice’s Violence Against Women (VAW) office. I regret that I didn’t catch their representative’s name. She announced during the call that the VAW office ~ which is now run by Judge Susan Carbon ~ will be issuing grants to fund litigation in cases like yours.

Judge Carbon literally wrote the judicial guide to prevent the manipulation of our legal system as an instrument of abuse. It is the Family Violence Prevention Fund and the National Network that has shaken the money for this out of Congress. Yes, the National Coalition came late to the game, but they jumped on the band wagon that has been driven by the other organizations for a VERY long time.

I know there is intense rivalry between various DV organizations. Quite frankly, I don’t think this helps our cause. IMHO, we need to find a way to get on the same page. Internal bickering IMHO merely gives those opposed a reason to limit funding.

Thanks for the heads-up on the organizations you mentioned. I’ll check them out.

Writing helps me with my PTSD episodes. So, write away, LGH! I’m glad for your comments, and I’m psyched by your passion. Yes, we have a very long way to go. I stridently believe that it is the survivors like us who will make it happen.

Sending hugs and thanks,
Anne Caroline

Wow, I have never come across your site before, but thank you. I also went to DePaul Law School also!

A comment on litigation abuse. I am lucky in that I have never experienced physical abuse, but plenty of verbal abuse during my marriage. I finally decided to divorce in 2003 and have experienced every type of hearing/aspect of the Illinois divorce process. We had a 20 day trial, with a 50 page decision in 2006. Court found for me re support and property. Then he appealed. AppCt affirmed for me in another 50 page decision in 2008.

Decision is a landmark case in Illinois. Highest support award ever given by a court. Contact me for details.

Last December he filed a motion to reduce my [record setting] support. He is a bankruptcy attorney and claims that his income is down [in this economy!]

Oh, did I mention that he must be a narcissist?

We are in front of Judge Jacobius, Chief Judge of the Cook County Domestic Relations Division. He is fair and thoughtful. The hearing for the motion to reduce is this fall. And in the mean time X is trying to make this a whole new trial. Next hearing on August 17th is to determine the scope of the issues and how many witnesses he can call [he wants to call 21!]

So, most of my award of property has gone to pay attorneys, who are very good and work hard for me.

Found a local web site for a subscription fee that reports on the Illinois Divorce Trial Court written opinions. [Illinois Divorce Court Digest]. It is helpful in showing how other cases at the trial court are handled and what decisions are made. Before this, one could only rely on the Appellate opinions.

So although I still have the means to fight him, I wish our court system would penalize those, like my ex, who use the court system to hurt others. The only reason he is doing this is to destroy me. I have offered to settle over and over before the divorce trial, during the appeal and recently during mediation with Judge Shields, a retired divorce court judge. He won’t settle for anything reasonable.

I have learned to live with this situation as a chronic condition. And I have a joke that I tell myself. Someday someone will call and tell me that they have good news and bad news. The good news is: your X is dead. The bad news is your X is dead.

So thank you for the faith and hope!

Thanks for this comment, Jobby. You have touched my heart.

Sending hugs,
Caroline

I’m so sorry to hear this. Thanks for leaving a comment. Since you have time, I would highly recommend that you get as many people to come as you can possibly pack into the court room. You don’t have to contact a group, but there might be some in your area that would be happy to participate.

A woman in Canada had success with just two people with her in court.

Have you checked out RightsForMothers.com? It is on my survivor’s blog roll. Nancy Carroll is the expert on these issues, and you will find a wealth of information on her web site.

Also, I hope you’ve had a chance to check out Vernetta Cockerham’s story on my blog. I’ve written a lot of posts about her. She packed the court room and finally got herself some justice.

Please come back and leave more comments if/when you have questions. I don’t have any resources to help individual people, but I’m pretty resourceful. You must be too ~ you found this little site.

Thanks for visiting and good luck!
Caroline

Congratulations on winning your prize! And, welcome home!

Caroline